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#2665813 09/16/12 08:30 PM
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Hello All,

I am a 51 yr. old husband who has been married 4.5 yrs. This is my second marriage. My wife is 42 and her 3rd marriage. We have 1 child together who is a 3 yr. old daughter. She has two daughters from her last marriage who live with her, one 8 yrs. old and the other 13 yrs. old.

Our marriage has been difficult to say the least. Often times my wife would accuse me of saying things I felt I never said. To prove that, I installed a voice recording App on my phone. A few months ago in April, my wife did the same for her phone. Then in the middle of July, she removed it, saying that it was stupid and not the kind of marriage she wanted to be in where she couldnt be trusted.

Also in April, my wife won custody of the two daughters previously mentioned. As a condition (temporary) I was not to be around them (because of her ex-husband). We are currently living apart. In exchange for my acquiescence to live away from my house for her kids sake, she agreed to join and follow the marriage builders program. Shortly afterwards, she reneged on her agreement.

Back to the phone recording App which is my focus here is on what I have discovered. While she removed the App, the recording files remained. Very recently I took them off her phone and listened to a series of them. I discovered that she was extensively conversing with our next door neighbor. He is a single man who she began to lean on for support from time to time while she put me on the outs.

Many times while I was at work, he would come over to my house supposedly to do some handy work. While I was away, he would come over for dinner, parties (kids I guess) and good times. I had told him many times to leave my wife alone and stay away from my family. He persisted. He tells me that he is just being a good neighbor. I asked my wife many many times, not to have any man in my house while I was at work or away. Yet she would continue to do that (there are very suspicious things in the past with her which I dont mention). She replies that she is just being Christ like and loving the neighbor.

I now learned that she has spent many hours on the phone with him, talking about me all the time. She would tell him what a freak I was and stuff I would do or say to her. It is horrible stuff to listen too. Nevertheless, most of their conversations predominately focus upon me. When he speaks of me, he portrays himself as a much better person and tells her I am mentally ill. Many many of my private conversations with my wife are discussed and they both talk as if I am a joke. She shared with him all my private text messages and emails intended for my wife only.

Now here is the rub. I also learned that they have been going out to country dancing lessons together. In one particular day of phone calls, my wife calls him in the afternoon and says with a alluring and slang voice, Hey cowboy, wanna go country dancing? Then that evening around seven, he calls her and tells her that he is almost ready. While on the phone with him, she tells her oldest daughter (13) to watch the kids (including our 3-yr old).

As soon as the phone is dialed the recording starts. I learn throughout the evening, her daughter makes several attempts to call her mother, my wife. What is clear, my wife left her phone with her daughter because from time to time, we GPS each others location. In leaving the phone, my wife intended to make it appear to me that she was at home. In her daughters effort to get ahold of her mother dialing his number, she talks to herself, wondering why mommy doesnt answer the phone. The last effort for the daughter to get hold of her mother occurs after midnight.

Now all of this is just coming out. Today, I confronted my wife on the particulars of that days phone conversations. She told me that she is taking country dancing lesson with him and they are just friends. She admitted there is a bar there and she had one margarita. She said that the lessons start at seven and they learn a dance then later that evening, they play the song they learned. On that night, she had to stay late because they didnt play the song until well after midnight. She said that was the reason she was out so late. She assures me there is nothing going on, and they are just friends.

So it comes down to this, on that day of the recordings, my wife asked another man out on a date. They go dining, dancing and drinking and get home sometime well after midnight. She says she didnt have sex with him, they are only friends. My wife is a Christian.

When I try to ask particulars, she blows up on me and goes on the attack.

This is another day of recordings. On that day, she gets a call from him. He invites her over to the house in the evening. She coordinates 10:30pm just after the baby goes down to sleep. I asked her about this one. Again, she blows up and starts the blamethrower at me.

I love my wife. I need to know the full truth. How fast should I push for that? I want to deal with the full truth all at once. Where can I find a copy of a no-contact letter? I have many more days of phone conversations to listen to.

Burned by my Good Neighbor

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Good Neighbor, you have posted here earlier with a similar story. What has changed since you began posting?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted By: GoodNeighbor

Also in April, my wife won custody of the two daughters previously mentioned. As a condition (temporary) I was not to be around them (because of her ex-husband).


Why? This is very unusual. Criminal record or something? "Because of her ex-husband" just doesn't ring true as judges don't order such because it's against public policy to divide husbands and wives unless there is a compelling reason. Her ex-husband not liking you isn't enough. Neither would you having an affair with her before they divorced as courts don't care about adultery. It has to be something in your past/present like drugs or you're a serious felon considered a threat. I also don't get how she was allowed to move these kids across the country to live in a hotel room. That just doesn't happen.

OR

She's lying to you. Did you ever actually read the court order?


I hope you're doing a better job than her ex-husband of documenting EVERYTHING that's going on with your wife and her shenanigans as it appears quite clearly that you're going to be the next one fighting for custody of your daughter. I think it's quite likely you've made a serious error in judgment having a relationship and marrying this woman. How long were you divorced before you started dating her?

Mr. W

Last edited by MrWondering; 09/16/12 09:24 PM.

FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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I just bumped his original thread.
It has a lot more info in it

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He started dating her while married, after filing for divorce on eharmony

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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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BrainHurts, what you say is true. This is now the most recent development. I want to stay focused on this event. You said I screwed it up last time, I want to do it right this time. I hope that she comes and sees the comments. Being caught so red handed, she cant blametrower her way out of this. She is actually beginning to deal with this issue. So how can I send a private message to you?

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Good neighbor ,
Posters are not permitted to send private messages on this forum. It is an anonymous forum.
You should not tell your wife about this forum.
This should be a safe place for you to get advice

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I've read your original thread and the fact is you are in a toxic relationship.
Your wife will wander through life with multiple partners and needless drama and is not marriage material.
Unfortunately you jumped from your wife to this new wife and now you have a 3 year old child.

I encourage you to take a parenting class and work on self improvement so that you can eventually separate from your wife.

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Originally Posted By: HDW
I encourage you to take a parenting class and work on self improvement so that you can eventually separate from your wife.


...and continue gathering evidence of her adultery and other misbehaviour. It may come in handy for the custody dispute she is definitely going to put you through for your daughter.


ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)

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