I've come back to get the opinions of those helpful posters, regarding my situation. The first time I was here , I allowed the insults and nasty comments to "get my goat", and responded in kind. I'm not very knowledgable about internet forums and should have notified the proper moderators , instead of venting my frustration in my posts. Sorry.

I talked at length with my gf, on Friday night, and listened to her explanation of what had occured. She was very honest and remorseful for her conduct, and is extremely willing and anxious to do whatever I want her to, to salvage our relationship and prove her worth. She was on the "loveshack", forum and learned some of the same ideas that are espoused by DR. Harley, here on MB. Some of the things she has already done are: 1. She showed me a letter of "no contact", that we sent to her Dallas guy. 2. She has given me control of her PC and phone and all of her passwords. 3. She has started her new job as an in-house accounts manager, so there will be no traveling. 4. She has entered individual counseling with a "marriage friendly ", therapist.
She explained that her active involvement in the "swinging lifestyle", ended when her marriage ended. She continued to see Dallas Guy and one other man strictly as FWB's, to provide her with sexual outlets. During her travels, They would arrange for her to visit them or have them visit her at her hotel one or two nights a month. The other man has since ended their relationship and gotten married. She has told me the truth about ALL of this. I have spoken with all three men, her ex, Dallas guy, and Indiana Guy, and they have verified what she has said, although Dallas Guy wasn't very friendly about it. I guess, because he had just gotten dumped by her. In the beginning of our relationship she felt that I was simply going to be another FWB, and didn't feel that I needed to know about the other person, as she never asked me about MY other relationships. At the time, there were no other women , in my life, but she felt that it was none of her business. After she began to develope feelings for me, and we agreed to become exclusive,she began to see Dallas Guy less and less, with the aim of ending their involvement, but my trip and discovery forced her hand. She realizes that what she was doing was cheating, but at the time , felt that the least Dramatic way to end it with him was to proceed as she did. She is willing to take a polygraph, sign a pre-nup or anything else to show that she is committed to our relationship. She says that she wants , more than anything to be with me alone and become again the honest woman she was before her marriage collapsed and the swinging began.
Does this thing have a chance? Please be polite in your answers. I haven't made up my mind, yet, but she saysa she is willing to wait and be an "open book", to show her love and honesty.

You should stick to one thread, FB because posters will have to search your history for the background and it all gets very confusing for everyone.

If there are comments on it you wish to notify the mods of, just click notify or email them by clicking on their names at the bottom of the screen. They are very helpful.

One thing you may find very helpful is to email Dr Harley on his radio show.

He does give advice about dating relationships sometimes.

FB,

One, of many, troubling aspects of her involvement with these OM is that she put your health at risk from some horrible STDs. These OM likely had any number of casual partners who in turn had casual partners.

Another issue is her involvement in same sex relations, I've known a few women who didn't even thing of that kind of cheating as cheating, and their H's went along with it. Please make sure this is not on her list of entitlements.

God Bless
Gamma

Bob,

Many folks have recommended Dr. Harley's book, "Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders". Please read this book and ask your girlfriend to do the same. Living together relationships are very different from marriage.

Two of Dr. Harley's policies, the Policy of Radical Honesty and the Policy of Joint Agreement are the foundation of caring and committed relationships. If you both follow these policies a secret second life is not possible. Will you and your girlfriend agree to both these policies?

AM

Please don't forget about STD testing for both you and her. You are currently at High Risk. If she has some kind of psychological problem that drives her to have more than just you no matter how hard she tries, slip-ups will bring the STD risk right back to your bed.

Women who do Friends With Benefits is uncommon. Most women are monogamous (married non-cheaters) or serially monogamous (cheaters and people not yet married); Polyandry is very unusual. Maybe she can control her actions so that she stops doing FWBs, but I don't see how the desire to do so will stop. Former Wayward Wives are appalled at their past actions and wish they had never forgotten that they only had eyes, hearts, and gotta-have-hims for their husbands. It seems to me that her memories will be more like, "Those were the good old days when I could screw around with lots of men." The former wayward wives here feel sick and disgusted when those memories arise.

My opinions are just things for you to consider.

You are not too old to feel like this woman with her particular baggage is the best you can get.
**edit**

Bob the problem is that you are in a pretend marriage.
If you want to marry her then I agree that you are on the right track.
But pretend marriages don't have the same responsibilities (vows) that marriages do.

I agree with gamma. She may want to continue same sex relationships. You better confirm she doesnt have a girlfriend.

Really only a polygraph would tell you the truth. But you aren't married so I really dont know what you want or expect out of this relationship.

If she agreed to see you exclusively and instead continued to see someone else, that's cheating in my book, married or otherwise. I would not view her as marriage material. You aren't married to her so why would you even consider a LTR when she's already demonstrated her true colors?

She says this, says that, blah blah blah, it's all talk. It's what she has DEMONSTRATED that counts. Talk is cheap.

You can do what you want, but you asked, JMHO.

FarmerBob, I'll say this, and then I won't respond to any other posts of yours:

Marry her if you wish (you've gotten a huge red flag to avoid this, but, if you must...)

If when you run into issues as a married couple, come here. Because this is MARRIAGE Builders. Not DATING Builders.

Read Dr. H's books. They'll be invaluable to you, whether or not you choose to stay with your swinger or not.