Are you on ADs?

Not on them yet. I have an appointment setup to go see Doc to get them.

They will help.

How are you sleeping? Eating? Exercising?

I'm starting to eat and sleep better. Not eating quite like normal, and less when i do, but at least I am eating a couple times a day. I lost over 15 pounds in 3 weeks. Yikes. I don't have this to lose. I am 6'' 165-170 lbs. Stepped on the scale the other day and read 150, and sometimes a little below. That was an eye opener that I had to eat. I just had no appetite and felt sick when I tried the first couple weeks

Haven't really exercised yet, but were both going to start once we get into new apartment. Think I'm going to go through the p90x routine again. Whip myself back into shape.

And I'm back smoking again But I plan on this being short lived.

And I'm back smoking again But I plan on this being short lived.

Smoking says the same about YOU! Knock it off before it becomes a crutch to get you through the roller-coaster times ahead.

Hang in there, rrr, go full force forward with Plan A and go full force forward with making YOURSELF the person you want to be.

If you've always wanted to eat better, exercise more, etc., now is the time to give it a shot! Buying fresh produce and cooking meals with my WW has been an awesome bonding experience for us the last week and a half.

Resentment is very natural. At 9+ months into R, pain and resentment will hit me at random times. But now they are fewer, further apart and not as intense.

You have experienced massive trauma and tha will not fade quickly. Dr Harley says 2 years... And that is using MB.

What you are experiencing is totally normal and only time will heal both of you. That is what I keep telling myself.

Patience. Marathon not a sprint. Expect good days, bad days and everything inbetween on your roller coaster ride that is R.

Went to Docs today and he started me on Citalopram. Told me could take 2 weeks+ to get full effects from it.

I decided to try and put the resentment aside when I got home from work last night. And am I glad I did.

Spent good time with the family playing ping pong. Then had a great night with the wife. Really seemed to connect and the sex was amazing. Hoping for some more of those nights.

Today has been much easier because of it.

Life without Love Busters is awesome!

As you meet your spouse's ENs and don't pile LBs on her... lo and behold, some of YOUR ENs start to get met!

Citalopram - Anyone taken this anti-depressant and felt strange. Almost spaced out, detached? It's only been 3-4 hours since I took it and I'm already feeling this way.

This is my fear with anti-depressants. I was on them when I was a kid and every one they put me on gave me this spaced out feeling. I get the same way on pain killers after I've had surgery. Got to the point where I chose to just deal with the pain. I'm on 20 mg. Maybe I should cut that in half.

Did you tell your doctor?

Everyone can have different reactions to meds.

Call your doctor.

So I think we have decided to use the Dr. Harley's son or daughter for phone counseling instead of the local one here who doesn't have great amount of experience with this. Does anyone have an opinion as to which one is better? I know he is more full time where she is more part time evenings.

I have heard that Jennifer is good with wayward wives while Steve is good with wayward husbands but you can't go wrong with either. Steve is only available early in the day, I believe.

Btw, I am on citalopram. I started with 10 mg and went up to 20. You might need to go down to 10. See your Dr. It has worked fine for me but everyone is different.

We're at about a month and a half from DDay, and I have admit, things are getting better. Much better. We have some really good days, are affectionate towards each other, are active in sex life again. We both really enjoy those days.

Then I have days where I can't get what happened out of my head. My mind takes over with obsessive thinking and I can't get it out of my mind. Any advice on how to get that to stop?

The affair is over, was already when I finally found the proof. All contact has been broken since the day I found out and no contact letter was sent. We have moved (since he was our neighbor and my best friend at the time). She reassures me every day on how lucky she is that I am willing to give our marriage a chance and how much she loves me. I feel as though the triggers should be gone. And I am on Celexa. Maybe it just takes more time.

But on these days I still question should I stay or should I go. Why don't I have the right to equalize the situation and have an affair of my own? Give her a taste of her own medicine, even though I know that's not the right thing to do. And that's not my plan, just thoughts. I wouldn't do that to my kids, they've been through enough and are my number 1 priority.

We have our first session with Jennifer tomorrow evening, so maybe she can lend some advice.

RRR, i am sorry about your triggers, and to tell you that you are in VERY early days and will be experiencing them for a much longer time, but the times will get fewer and less intense, honest. what you need to do is learn how to cope with them. if you read other BSs threads, you will find a variety of ways.

my own way is two-fold: one was to create a key-phrase and a desired response from my H. so, for example, i can stop my H from whatever we are doing and say, "i'm having a bad moment right now," and he will hold me and tell me he loves me until i can say, "i feel better, thank you." the second way i deal with this is to simply acknowledge to myself that it's happening, then go on to do something that will distract me. sometimes, this is the better option. sometimes NOT talking about stuff makes it better, rather than worse.

i am not saying you should do those two things, just that those are how i cope. it is important that your WS is clear on their part, so they can act appropriately to *help* you.

the thing with dealing with triggers is not to rehash the pain (bringing you back to the start of the recovery process), but to learn to cope and get through them. they will become fewer as time goes by. however, right now, hardly any time has gone by. you have a way to go before some heavy-duty anger and resentment comes up, so i am very, very happy to see that you two are going to counsel with the harleys. way to go!

and RRR, those feelings you mentioned at the bottom? about whether to leave, or have an RA? we ALL feel that way; you are totally normal! those feelings are part of the process. i am glad, however, to see that you understand that an RA would only create 2x the current mess and would do nothing to recover your M. it wouldn't even make you feel better, but much, much worse.

it's great that you two are having terrific UA time and SF rebonding is VERY important. getting coaching from the harleys will help you maximize this for your recovery. you should ask, during your turn, what may help you with triggers, and they can also advise your spouse on how to help you, too.

Why don't I have the right to equalize the situation and have an affair of my own?

Well, her side of the the good ship SS RRR-Marriage has a huge hole in it. I SUPPOSE punching a hole in your side would let it settle on an even keel, but you can see it would most assuredly increase the likelihood of sinking entirely.

Better, I think, to work on repairing the one existing hole, yes?

Thanks. If you're going to quote me, include the whole quote. You must of missed the whole point. It's where my mind wanders that I don't want it to.

"And that's not my plan, just thoughts. I wouldn't do that to my kids, they've been through enough and are my number 1 priority. "

Thank You. Being new to this it's good to see I'm not a freak and others have the sane thoughts...

you're welcome. look forward to hearing how your appointment went.