I've been dating this great guy for 1.5 months or so. To begin with we talked all the time, texting and calling, with him initiating. That has slowed down a lot. He calls like every other night whereas he began by calling several times a day, then every day, and now every other night. He has two grown children living with him and a grandchild. I know he couldn't keep up the calling all the time, but I just wonder if he's backing off or just comfortable with where our relationship is at this point? It's been 20 years since I dated and I just have no clue what to expect.

We see each other every other weekend when I don't have my kids, and it's kinda been understood since we started dating that we would do this. However, I worry constantly (not just about this - it's my freaking nature to worry). I planned a surprise 'date' for us in two weeks and he seemed ok with it. We didn't talk much about it. So the other night I asked him if it bothered him that I did that and he said no and moved on to another subject. I just worried that he thought I was being presumptuous to plan ahead you know?

I've also noticed that he's less vocal (phone calls and talkative) right after we've seen each other but the closer it gets to our weekend, he's more communicative.

OK, analyze.

Are you dating a lot of people?
Dr Harley encourages dating at least 30.
Using MB terms you feel like you are a renter and he wants to be a freeloader?

I was taught in business. If you want an honest answer ask the question.
So I would just ask him why he doesn't call as often

I honestly think we are both renters. I think it's all just in my head to worry. However, I don't want to get hurt you know? You read horror stories of being hurt ...

I thought about just asking him, but I don't want to appear needy or clingy or demanding. He has had some life circumstances to come up which is some of the reason he hasn't called as much, but before that, I still noticed a difference.

This morning I did get a good morning text from him, but that's rare and very much appreciated. lol

I suppose I wanted to know how most guys feel going into a relationship with someone they really like vs. just another female date.

You haven't been divorced very long.
Are you dating other men?

I would not ask at this point, that seems clingy and demanding.

Why not go out with other guys? Or why not call him when you want to chat?

AGG

Prisanna, my rule is to never call guys. That way you can never be accused of being clingy. And if a guy doesn't call at least 3-4 days in advance for a date, I told him I was busy that weekend, sorry. Nor is it a good idea to sleep with a guy before marriage. If a guy won't chase you, then he is not worth it. I do know - and Harley says this alot - that men don't like being chased. It is a turnoff.

Get the book called The Rules. It has some good common sense guidelines about protecting your value and worth in a relationship.

Like HDW said, go date 30 guys and marry the one who does the best job of meeting your needs. Be choosy and very selective.

The way I interpret his reaction is that you have become too available. That has diminished your worth to him. I would date others and dont allow yourself to be too available.

I think you are over thinking it. You say you understand this or that but then start with the worrying. He answered your question about the surprise date...did you expect him to go on and on about it vs just a yes or no?

Most people probably worry about the things you mentioned but you also need to learn to reassure yourself by looking at him actions and responses based on what you two have agreed on your relationship will entail. If your anxiety is taking over that's one thing. No one wants to feel like he has to reassure someone 24/7 so she doesn't worry. If he's falling short of what you both expect and agreed to that's different.

If you two are not exclusive there is no reason you shouldn't be open to dating other men. And if you are exclusive, you may want to re-think that for a variety of reasons.

Not going to try to speak for "most guys", but for me, if I liked someone, I contacted them regularly. I'd say a phone call every other day is normal, although I would typically exchange e-mails in between.

I also agree that your worrying is probably a turnoff; if I had met someone who constantly worried about how often I called, I'd probably move on.

Then again, it is normal to analyze these things during dating. And if someone you meet does not appear to show the kind of interest in you that you would like, then again I would consider moving on.

AGG