I have been married for 1 1/2 years now. One week before our wedding, my husband decided it would be much more romantic if we didnt see each other for one week. At first I was skeptical but being the fact that he never gave me a reason not to trust him, I agreed. The night before the wedding, my husband called me and said he wanted to see me. I said no. I didnt see the point of seperation if we were just going to spoil the romance. about 30 seconds after hanging up, my phone rang. It was him. He called me by accident but I heard him talking to another woman from his brothers phone. He was talking dirty to this woman. After listening to the conversation, I hung up and called him back. I told him I had listened to the entire conversation and that I was cancelling the wedding. He did not admit to it and kept telling me that it wasnt him. After a long arguement he confesed. We proceeded with the wedding. We immediately sought counseling. Till this day, he has not answered any questions I have to clear things out. He refuses to tell me what I want to know. We moved states and he only speaks to his brother when im around. shortly after the wedding I found out that he was having an emotional affair with this woman. I was 6 months pregnant. We have followed Dr. Harleys steps to recovery and everything was fine until today. I was listening to the show and a question was brought up from one of the emailers with not feeling attractive enough for her husband while this other woman was much more attractive. I turned to my husband and asked if the person he had an affair with was more attractive than I was. He tried to avoid the question as long as possible. I was angry. He said "your my wife what kind of stupid question is that?"

I am upset because he is not taking my feelings into consideration by saying "what kind of stupid question is that" and im hurt because I feel like their is no open honesty and by not answering these "stupid questions" he has so much to hide. I feel like the steps we have taken to recovery dont mean anything if he cant be honest. I feel like were back at square 1. Am I over reacting? I just wanted reassurance that I am attractive to him and he is just telling me what I want to hear instead of him being honest.

Are you following the recovery program in the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley?

We both are. Well atleast up to now. I try my very best not to talk about it. But being that we never did talk about it, it just leaves so much unanswered questions. He also follows the program. I am very shocked to his reaction of my question. It only leads me to believe that hes hiding so much from me.

I suggest you have a polygraph scheduled.
You can ask any questions you like about the affair and then close it.
He probably is not telling you the entire story.
And your marriage will not recover because these lingering questions will last for the rest of your life.

Here.
Polygraph Testing

I'm sorry, but your husband is right.

That is a stupid question to ask and one that is impossible to answer to your satisfaction. It is a trap for him.

Everyone else will tell you about the need for full disclosure about the affair and how he owes it to you to give you the details you desire, which I agree with.

Questions like "Where were you that week? How long have you known her? When did you last speak with her?" are fair game and you husband should be willing to answer them.

But, Dr. Harley also advises that once you have had your questions answered, to not bring up the affair again.

Asking "Was she prettier than me?" is just reopening the wound for no good reason.

I turned to my husband and asked if the person he had an affair with was more attractive than I was.

Pick an answer:

"Yes, she was the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen, and was compelled to have sex with her on that basis."

"No, she looked like Ernest Borgnine, but her other attributes compelled me to have sex with her."

Neither answer would have satisfied you, because the answer was not important. The important factor was to satisfy your need to remind FWH of his betrayal, to try to hurt him in the present for what he did to you in the past.

MB's strength is that it gives us the formula to make ourselves the person our spouse would be compelled to pursue. Follow the program, my friend, and cease hitting him with LBs. They will NOT be working in your interest.

lsalazar, in order to move forward, you have to know all the details about his cheating. Once you have all the facts, it should never be brought up again. THAT is how one moves forward. So, if your husband wants you to move forward, he needs to answer any unanswered questions.

What kind of questions do you have?

And your husband commits a lovebuster when he says that your questions are "stupid." If he knows the program, he should know better than that.

Right here:

here