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I could write 10 paragraphs about what is wrong here (I read page one and then page six - none in between as I do not care about the between one and six), but they have already been written. Why on earth would you put some other woman in front of your wife? Or man, for that matter? The conversations that you have described here with women other than your wife are so inappropriate that I want to spit bullets. Does that make me a controlling person, also? Nope. I just expect BOUNDRIES. You truly need to read here...A LOT. Please.
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WHATTTTTT????? Sir, you MUST be joking. Abuse? You are asking about abuse?? Good Lord, brother. Please spend your time right here reading everything you can get your eyes on. It's all free. Start at the Home Page and click on Basic Concepts. To read all that will get you started will take about 6 hours. I did it, and you should, too. READ and LEARN. Then, come and ask questions and get much help.
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Everytime I talk to another woman (especially about our marriage) I get into trouble. Stop talking to other women about your marriage. That talk needs to be between you and your wife. Other women have no business in your marriage. When I talk to another woman about the marriage all I have ever done is try to find information to help the marriage and she calls all the women I talk to affairs or improper, or so something. See my previous comment. Your wife is dead-on correct. Stop pulling other women into your marriage. They don't belong there. Because talking to them meets some need for you. This doesn't work for a married man, though, and you may find out the hard way that it doesn't work for a married woman you're talking to. THEIR husband might have a little problem with you unloading your issues on their wives.  I have done nothing wrong. It sounds like you've been sharing marital issues with a woman (women?) other than your wife. THAT'S WRONG. STOP IT. How can I get her to lighten up and go forward and stop harping on me? Now, why in the world would we get her to 'lighten up' when it's obvious that YOU are the one who needs to tighten up your boundaries? Your wife is spot on. You are on a slippery slope. Have you read any of the articles on this site? Have you read the basic concepts of this site?
Last edited by maritalbliss; 09/23/12 09:40 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
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. I agree not to talk to her anymore, she means nothing to me. We have one more phone conversation, wife finds out, asks me about it, I say I didn't talk to her. (again, she means nothing to me and I didn't want to upset wife)She check cell phone finds out about the lie and things get bad. Friend comes over to talk to wife, wife throws her out. Now wife insists that there was more there than there was. I admit nothing. Dishonesty, selfishness, thoughtlessness, piss poor boundaries with other women. Like I said earlier, your wife needs to separate until you learn how to stop hurting her. When a spouse REFUSES to end his "friendships" with members of the opposite sex there usually is an affair so I understand why she doesn't believe you. Your bullcrap is just not convincing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I've had some women come on to me in the past. That's my fault too. I visited one of these women at her house, alone, and my wife now thinks I was interested sexually in her. Just because she was coming on the me. Everything I do is interpreted in the worse light. Why would you play with fire like this? How old are you? How long have you been married? Do you have any children?
D-Day 2-10-2009
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Look, my wife is mad all the time. It doen't take anything to set her off. Sometimes I have to hide thigs because, as i said, she interprets everything as an affair. My women friends are single and so I'm not hurting anyone. I like women, so what. She SHOULD be mad. You are displaying horrible boundaries. How about you eliminate the girl friends and see if your wife's temperment improves? I will bet you (and win) that it will.
D-Day 2-10-2009
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I'm trying to establish that I'm innocent. I admit to having women friends. LOSE THE WOMEN FRIENDS. END OF ISSUE. I think this is a set up..she told to me to post here. That these people had good heads on their shoulders. Good for her. She is invested in her marriage and has done some homework. Please ask her to post here so we can support her - hopefully before you drive your marriage into the ditch with some female "friend".
D-Day 2-10-2009
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My point is she is suffering because she won't accept that i've done nothing wrong. No, that's not why she's suffering. Stop avoiding responsibility. She's suffering because you are not stopping an action that causes her to suffer. Duh. A loving husband would jump on changing that action post-haste. And yet, you aren't. Why not?
D-Day 2-10-2009
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I'm mid 50's. Married many years. I'm not a kid or a boy.
I don't know what to make of the comments. You all sound like her. MS, glad to see you're still here. That gives me hope for you. Please answer my questions: How long married? Any kids?
D-Day 2-10-2009
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She can't let it go and she's living in the past. What is she living in the past about?
D-Day 2-10-2009
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The woman who I lied about That's as far as I needed to read.
D-Day 2-10-2009
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What are you looking for from us, MS. Validation of your dangerous actions? We're not going to help you with that. We'll help you BUILD your marriage, not DESTROY it.
YOU will have to be on board with that. At this point you are not. You want to keep the hits you're getting from other women and keep your wife, as well. I can assure you that your plan is doomed for failure. Your wife is losing love for you every day you continue this behavior.
Do you want to secure your marriage, or do you want to get support for continuing your dangerous practice? Let us know.
D-Day 2-10-2009
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Your wife is going to fall out of love with you, if she hasn't already.
Quit defending yourself, admit you have been thoughtless and uncaring, and cut off all contact with other women.
Focus your attention, time, and energy on the woman you married....
If you wish to remain married (you don't sound as though you do)
Married 31 years, 5 kids, 4 GK
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I am sorry you are having trouble with the different world view presented here.
Your world view is commonly held BUT not in the best interest of a great marriage that transcends all other things in real romance.
If you want a brilliant and truely romantic relationship......heed our replies to your original post and study this site and perhaps order the books written by Bill Harley who created this particular site.
The information on this website is based on logic and psychological facts and will get you one awesome marriage should you figure it all out and follow it.
and, if you don't bother to figure it out, your life won't be that fabulous. It will be a pale excuse of a life and marriage and etc.
Just a fact.
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Well you can duct tape her mouth.
Then you won't hear her complaints. Or get ear plugs.
Or divorce her and then it won't be a problem.
A far better solution would be to follow the policy of joint agreement. (Never do anything without your wife's enthusiastic agreement).
Following this policy would ensure that you and your wife both are listened to.
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Thank you, BH, although somehow I get the feeling that MS isn't interested in reading the articles here...correct me if I'm wrong, MS... 
D-Day 2-10-2009
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Why would a woman who calls herself your wife's friend agree to meet you in secret so as to rake over her personal business with her HUSBAND!!!
Your marriage is NONE of her business. The two of you meeting in secret so you can call your wife 'sick'. Um yeah, that sounds extremely unhealthy and wrong.
Friends aren't like that. A true friend wouldn't interfere in a marriage.
She's clearly a horrible person who would rather chit chat with men than be a true friend.
And you put that imposter ahead of your clearly intelligent, much better-looking wife?
That is HUMILIATING for her.
I would tell your wife to run and not look back.
If you're like this in your fifties, you're unlikely to change and start putting her first.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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He doesn't want to change.
He thinks his wife needs to be fixed so she won't care
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I just read this thread, from the beginning.
That is fifteen minutes of my life that I would like back.
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