Hi all,<P>Well, the Lord has answered one of my prayers. My husband finally got called to the in house transfer in the plant he is in.'<P>He will be going to a very good job (off the line) at the plant. He will be driving a fork truck that takes stock to the line. It should or could we hope help him with his hip problem. (Please pray for healing of his hip)<P>Unfortunately it is the afternoon shift. This will really upset the apple cart and routine around here. No more dinners together as a family 5 or 6 nights of the week. This change will be hard for me sense we have finally just gotten into a routine for the first time in our marriage in years.<P>Yeah he isn't going to be near the OW. Yeah Yeah Yeah! I can't tell you how happy I am about that. PTL. (Still I wish she'd have transfered like he said she would when I first found out. )<P>The next dilemma for me is that he is going to talk to her!!!!!!!!!! He is going to say good bye to her!!!!!! He is then naturally going to be asked where he is going in the plant. He will tell her!!!!!! I am so upset by this. <P>They have not spoken sense July 19, 99. Is this going to take him back to square one? He still says he loves her. That he is feeling better about me but, that for the life of him he doesn't understand why he isn't in love with me? <B>I say it is because he really hasn't given her up yet!</B><P>I don't mean to whine and sound ungrateful for what I have. I am very blessed and know how much worse many of you my dear friends have it right now. (I am still lighting the candles and praying for you all!)<P>I am just so frightened. We are 8 months post discovery. I hope we are in recovery. I am still so sad and obsessed by this whole mess.<P>I have asked him not to speak to her. Told him he lost the right to be her friend when he sc$#@ her. Told him it hurts me immensely when he speaks to her. <P>What should I do? I know there is really nothing I can do. I told him I wanted to know if he was going to speak to her because if he was I was going to speak to her. I have put it off because I didn't want her to have an excuse to talk to him at work or otherwise. <P>Sorry to sound like a big baby. I just don't know what to do. I am so tired of this and so tired of crying. <P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Samantha,<BR>Yeah for the transfer, boo for the contact.<P>Yeah for the honesty, boo for the disregard for your feelings.<P>Yeah for realizing you can not control the situation. Boo that you should even have to deal with this.<P>Do you think your H is attempting closure with this?<P>I guess all you can do is leave it in God's hands to work out the details. <P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Ditto all FHL said!!!<P>And... still sending prayers up for you and H. <P>Sam, focus on the solution - not the problem, okay? <P>You are incredibly strong. And you will make it past this, even if it does put him back to withdrawal. You have more tools to deal with it this time.<P>And he wouldn't have put in for the transfer unless he wanted closure. So I see this as a very good sign.<P>You can deal with this. Phillipians 4:13<P>(((hugs)))

FHL and TNT,<P>Thanks so much for your replies. <P>He just came home. He hasn't talked to her yet. He says it is not a big deal if he does. He didn't do this just for closure. His job was killing him and his hip.<P>Getting away from her is a very small part of it.<P>I am here in tears. If he feels the need to tell her then he should tell her with me with her.<P>I know that makes no sense. I hate this all. And yes I am a big baby feeling sorry for myself. I really don't know if I can take much more.<P>Also why do I want someone who has so little disregard for my feelings. He says his talking to her shouldn't hurt me. Am I nuts or is he? <P>I am so blasted angry and hurt and scared. I feel like I am going to be physically sick again. <P>I am so glad I am a Christian. This isn't hell and I would hate to be in a place worse than this is right now.<P>I am feeling so self centered now. I hate myself...what the heck??? Do I have to have every emotion known to man all at one time?<P>Gotta go for now...will check back. I am making no sense.<BR><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Samantha,<BR>I meant the talking to her was a way of closure in his mind. (not that it is a good idea)<P>When my H tells me I shouldn't feel the way I do, I #1 tell myself he does not have proper communication skills and try to look past that and look into his motivation. My H also is less likely to honor a request I have if he sees it as not logical or not legitmate. <P>Could your H see your request as either disrespectful of him? (he shouldn't, but that doesn't mean he doesn't) <P>Instead of concluding his refusal to do what you request is a lack of love or whatever you label it, really try to see it from his perspective. Ask questions if you have to, without defending your position, until he feels completely understood and listened to.<P>Then ask him to give you the same chance. Then see if you can resolve this issue to both of your satisfaction.<P>Easier said than done. <P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Dear Sam, I am sorry things are up and down right now.<P>I know the feeling, tho. My h. started a new job that gets him out of the old office, but in an area surrounded by cheap hotels they used to frequent. Trust? Some days yes, some days, no.<P>The "closure" from her should be in the form of the letter in Surviving An Affair. Can you respectfully ask that he use a letter instead of contact?<P>Remember the going away lunch problem we had? Well, since God landed him in the hospital (teehee) it wasn't an issue. <BR>But, I had calmly and respectfully said "I think that your plans to have lunch with her and her best friend (an enabler) are disrespectful of my feelings." A half-hour later he responded with "you are right".<P>Sometimes they need to think that something is their own idea.<P>Patience, girlfriend, we have them under our roofs. This is a blessing, remember?<P>LIZZIE<P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR>

Samantha<BR>Yes girl he should do it with you but....they never do what they should do <BR>A little story to give you a different perspective:<BR>Remember when my H saw the bimbo in July behind my back?<BR>When I confronted him with it I asked him what seeing her did for him. The only thing it did for him was prove to him that he had no feelings for her. <BR>This could end up being a good thing for you. Maybe he won't be wearing those rose colored glasses this time and the closure will be seeing the real her after the months of no contact.<BR>Just wanted you to know that even though I haven't been around I'm in the cheering and praying section!!!!!!!!!<BR>

I second that one, WS. <P>Praying for No Tint Vision. Requesting it special delivery from the Heavenly Store. Also requesting a can of that old blinder remover. I hear it really helps vision lose it's distortion, and helps a person get a real clear picture of the truth. <P>Oh, and I heard about truth. Wants you've laid eyes on that, you are home free.<P>Going to that heavenly store in about an hour, funny thing about it is, you can only get there on you knees.<P>

Dearest Members of Marriage Builders,<P>Thankyou for replying. It makes me feel better somehow when you all reply. It makes me feel so not alone here. In the human respect. I know of course that God is with me.<P>I will post more later when I have some more time to be here.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

It is One O'clock in the morning. This is the first opportunity I have had to get on the computer. My daughter was on doing her homework. Turned out to be quite a project.<P>I am feeling a little better but, I am awful tired so, I am going to go to sleep (or at least attempt it). <P>I will post tomorrow on the update of what is happening around here. Also responding to each individual reply from you wonderful people.<P>Again thanx for being here when I needed you. It means tons to me.<P>Maybe I should light a candle for this situation here at home? Think I will before I go to bed. Better thought I will do it in the morning. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

hello there, i work shift work too, usually daychift for four days then nightshift for four! we have grown to really enjoy family breakfasts or lunches!!!! i come off shift at 7am and get home in time to make breakfast! its really nice!! hope the LORD works in your hearts and all goes well!<BR>

Hi Sam,<P>Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you, I am praying for you and your family, and the Lord will see you through all of this.<P>If God has taught me one lesson during this whole torrid ordeal, it is that HE will NEVER let you down.<P>He is a mighty, loving God, Sam, and He is in your heart.<P>You are a very strong woman. Sending you only the best thoughts. Hang in there.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl