Here is my situation been married 13 years. im 40 years old wife is 36. found out wife was having an affair on aug 1 2012. affair started in may of 2012. it is with a married coworker. we have 3 kids together t girls and one boy. ages 6,9, and 11 she has a son from a previous relationship age 17. I raised him since he was 3. His father has been of little help. i have tried being Mr s nice guy being there for her every need but that is not working. The reason the affair is happening is because i was emotionally distant for years. once i felt her pulling away that all changed probably too little to late. She moved out about a month ago with a friend that is enabling the affair. Right now she wants nothing to do with us. She says she loves me but not sure she is in love with me. Her affair partner is married and not going to leave his wife. I guess he has a kid born with half a heart and they don't know how long he is going to live. He has told her wants to spend all the time he has with his son. I have tried to explain to her he is not going to leave his wife. She does not want to hear any of it. They were at a hotel today. It looks like it might be totally over between us. When she come over in the morning we will lay down and she will let me hold her. But it rally feels like its over between us. She does not want to talk about us. She does not want to talk about divorce. So I really dont know what to do.

Welcome to MB sorry for your pain.

Have you told his wife? Exposed to her job?

Read this. Exposure 101

So I really dont know what to do.

That's okay - we do. Our only typical problem is when new posters start second-guessing the adsvice. If you don't know X, it would stand to reason that disagreeing with someone who claims to know X, makes little sense. Yet, it happens....

Read through the list below, and get ready for a fight, okay?

NEVERGUESSED'S BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put a spy program on any cell that she might use. ("Eblaster" can cover #4 as well.)
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take "personal" calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and "on" whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife's contacts, to the tune of: "I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333"
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM's contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

Edgar, by keeping the affair secret, you only enable the affair. Please read the thread in my signature and make plans to expose the affair if you want to save your marriage. Sorry you are here, but this can be saved if you start taking some action.

I have been trying to contact om wife. But really dont have any contact information. I tried contacting her though face book but that does not seem to be working. I cant find a phone number for her. I think I have an address so i might have to mail a letter. I have sent exposure letter to om facebook friends. I have told her real dad. But I have not told her side of the family because they are all divorced and i dont think it would help. Her mom has done the same thing to her real dad.

you don't know where help may come from. that's why you need to expose to everyone. those who have been there may have some choice words for your WW.

edgar, have you tried intellius or spokeo? Many times that will give info on relatives. My exposure letters were mailed to whoever popped up as a relative as I couldn't find a thing on facebook for OW's family.

Did you read the thread in my signature like I suggested? There is nothing we can do for you if you won't expose the affair. You are bypassing the most important, critical exposure targets, ie: the OM's wife, your wife's family and her workplace.

Our only typical problem is when new posters start second-guessing the advice....and get ready for a fight, okay? - NG

But I have not told her side of the family because they are all divorced and i dont think it would help. - edgarf

Ironic, is it not?

How do you want us to help you, Edgar?

Okay finally got ahold of the om wife on monday and I ended the affair. His wife wants to work it out with him. His wife made him quit his job so he is no longer working with my wife. Now that is over I dont know whats next. My wife wants no part of me. She says I had no business sticking my nose in their marriage. I told her that his wife needed to know. I know im right on this issue. She is saying that I destroyed her. But what was she doing to me. I did not do it to hurt her but I did it to try to save the other mans marriage. I dont think my wife is going to be coming back. Im starting to be okay with that. What is the next step to try to win her back? I know it wont be anytime soon because she has to get over the affair. Should I just go cold?






i

All wayward spouses get angry when the affair is exposed. This is normal, remember that.

Ha ha! No business sticking your nose in their marriage? After what SHE did?

Continue to fill needs where you can. If she rages at you just ask if she wants a potato chip/dinner/whatever.

Sorry, Edgar, I wish I had more to offer than this. But sometimes to keep from crying, ya just hafta laugh, and that's a real hoot from her right there. So now she's the Great Protector of their marriage, aghast at your affrontery ... as if she had any business sticking her nose and, er, other parts into their marriage back when...

You just gotta laugh at how nuts that is. As long as she's that disassociated from rational thought & bereft of any baseline sense of irony or shame (which may not, or may, last forever), it's probably a blessing to you that she's not around, even if it doesn't always feel that way.

Oh yeah, she's mad at you, of course! Because you just smashed her little affair-fantasy snow-globe, and all the little sparklies have just spilled out onto the floor & are drying up, and it can never be put back together the way it was, and it was all so perfect before you ruined everything, (LOL!) and right now she's about exactly as rational as a 3 year-old with, well, a broken toy snow-globe.

Hang in there, man. Maybe ask her if she wants to go with you to get an ice-cream cone.

Why can't you reach her on Facebook?

Have you done some digging to confirm where they live? Go on the County's public website and plug in their names on the search function. That should tell you their address.

Have you googled her name?

If you can't reach her verbally and have to mail a letter, mail it certified mail so it has to be signed for. That way her WH can't intercept it. Run your letter past us first before you send it.

How caring and precious of her to be so concerned for their marriage.

You're saying two different things here. What do YOU want? YOU get to pick. Do you want to recover your marriage, or do you want to call it a day?

If you want to recover your marriage, your wife is going to have to be totally on board with recovery. I would suggest that you let her know that you are ready to attempt recovery with her, but that there are requirements that you have, and she will have to enthusiastically agree.

For example:
She shares all of her passwords on any social networking sites and email accounts.

If she was contacting OM on Facebook, she needs to get rid of her Facebook account. NOT CANCEL IT - DELETE IT. These are two different things.

The two of you need to let family members know about this crisis. She needs to be accountable, not only to you, but to other important people in her life.

Tell her that she needs to agree to these things.

Hi,
They all say stupid things my wayward husband actually said that I put his posow in physical danger by speaking to her husband.

I calmly looked at him and said I think you did that by f...ing his wife.

I told him how stupid he sounded saying that, I just kept saying someone has to save you from yourself.
I was standing up for what was right our marriage and family.
He was spitting nails and threatening divorce as well.
When they calm down and can't find anymore excuses reality hits them.
Exposure is your best chance at saving your marriage, just be still for now while she processes all the sh.t coming her way now.
Be her soft place to land all the while being firm with your requirements, tough love in a loving way!!!
Jessi

Edgar,

You have delivered a huge hit to the affair. Keep tabs on your wife to ensure that she and OM don't take the A underground. Keep up your snooping.

Oh, and the MB response when a wayward spouse spews such nonsense is, "Yes, honey, I hear you. Would you like a potato chip?"

AM

Edgar,

I guess he has a kid born with half a heart and they don't know how long he is going to live. He has told her wants to spend all the time he has with his son

This story might be true, partially true or untrue, but it's part of many OMs game plan to create a deep sense of sympathy for them by telling these sad stories to their WW prey. Your WW believes it and this explains some of her anger, since she sees you as attacking this poor unfortunate OMs even more unfortunate son.

I can't believe when I see men trying to pick up women in public and overhearing something along those lines, and how many women bite at the bait.

God Bless
Gamma

The part about the kid is true i asked his wife about it. But the other man was just feeding her a line of crap. I want to stay with my wife but right now there is no remorse. She says that her heart is with the other man. So I guess do i try to fill her needs. But it is so frustrating to give and give and get nothing in return.