I would recommend a thorough reading of
Lgtex1's post to see what I mean about the steps that should be taken.

I would also say that you bring your wife here and show her this thread. She should start her own, and people can assist her. If she wants to divorce then we will respect that - if she wants to try and salvage this, then she absolutely needs MB to do it.

Thanks Lgtex1. At alis's prompt, I read your post again, and got a lot more out of it the second and third reading.

I'm going to present this to my W when I get home this weekend.

I'm new to the lingo, there was one thing when I searched I couldn't find. That is, what is "UA time"?

Found a great article on POJA (that you guys probably already know about) and have made an EP list.

Thanks again. My marriage may still fail, but I'll feel a lot better if I'm doing the right thing. And it might make our ability to relate and deal with the kids after divorce better.

Still hoping and praying for a recovery together though.

UA=Undivided attention here The Policy of Undivided Attention

Did you listen to the radio clips I posted to you?

Do the husbands of your married other women know?

Your welome SK. It's great to see you are willing to do what it takes.

In addition, traveling jobs are not good for marriage. My FWH traveled a lot in the past when he was wayward. We have since moved to a smaller town that requires very little travel. He has traveled just a handful of times in the past 3 years. Though we are in a MUCH better place in our marriage it is still difficult for me if he is away for even a night or 2. He would take another job tomorrow if one came up with no travel ever.

But, we have a set of rules for that situation when it arises.

Travel

Travel together if at all possible. It is strongly suggested to never spend nights apart. Doing this invites temptation!

1. I will not travel out of town for business or personal reasons without making frequent contact with my wife.
2. When traveling alone turn in �TV� letter to hotel front desk. ( letter requesting all �adult�� programs and games to be turned off. If they cannot turn it off, then have them remove the TV.)
3. When traveling without my wife, I will not drink or go to bars.
4. When traveling alone I will give my wife my Room #, room ph #. Hotel address/ph #, and any information she deems necessary.
5. I will take with me my "reminder binder" to help keep me focused. (this is a binder with EP list, family pics, favorite bible verses ect...)

All other EP's are in affect as well.


Again, after I type this I will think of 10 other things that are not listed here. The point is to do whatever it takes to make your wife feel safe and keep you/marriage on track.

There is no room for error!!

Do you know your wife's top ENs (Emotional Needs)? Are you dedicating 20 - 30 hours a week of UA (Undivided Attention)? Are you being careful to avoid any LBs (Love Busters)?

One big LB I could see for you is selfish demands right now to get your ENs met, depending on what your top ENs are.

I would give yourself 3 - 6 months with an expectation you will NOT be getting your needs met from your BW (Betrayed Wife). Dr Harley recommends 3 - 6 months as the duration a husband can handle with ENs being a one way street.

Enrolling in MB coaching would be wise, if your BW will agree to it.

Unfortunately, I cannot blame your BW at this point if she decides to go for Plan D.

She has communicated her EN�s. I�m not sure I�m good at them yet. But working at them.

I�m nowhere close to worrying about my EN�s at the moment. For the past 6 weeks, I�ve made NO demands, emotional or otherwise.

I�m working hard to avoid LB�s, and trying to make lots of deposits.

UA is not high at the moment. Up through last week, she wouldn�t even sit in the same room of the house with me. At last, that seems to be getting better. We are now communicating civilly, and even smiling a little, we are starting to do a few things together with the kids � but she is saying she is not ready to focus on �us� yet.

I saw the links to the radio clips, and tried to open them, but couldn�t get them to play. Do I need a certain software to play them?

Thanks for all the advice and help. I�m putting it to work and seem to be making ground, just in very small steps.

Look at this and see if it helps.
Trouble listening to radio clips-Try this

Brainhurts - thanks. I went back and tried again, and it worked today.

You're welcome. After you're done listening, tell us what you think.

If you have not already done so, get an STD panel done and give the written results to your BW...one small gesture you owe her. Make the appt yourself and just go...you don't even have to discuss it with her. Just get her the results.

Thanks again. The clips were good. I appreciated them. At this point, I'm trying to read and listen to everything I can.

Spent too long not taking constructive input.

What has your wife said? Is she giving you another chance?

Have you had a STD test?

Do the betrayed husbands of your OW know?

Another fantastic show.
Radio clip
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

So far my BW has not said much. She hasn't committed to giving me another chance. She hasn't ruled it out. She is still, quite hurt and mad.

She hasn't asked me to leave. She still wears her wedding band.

I get the sense she is waiting, and watching at this point. I've started therapy, and doing lots of reading. I'm in recovery. The change is being scary, tough, but rewarding.

We are sleeping in separate bedrooms. No marital sex since Aug 12.

I haven't had an STD test. After your post, I scheduled one for today.

OW husbands do not know. So far, BW wants to keep things quiet and not rock our social world. I'll do what she wants. It has been on my heart, to clue in a couple of close friends at the very least.

SKGWisdom,

OW husbands do not know.

Do these BHs live close?

This is cruel, you need to apologize and atone for what you have done.

God Bless
Gamma

Did you listen to the clips?

Dr. Harley says that a true repentant WH will "expose" himself. That he will ask others to help keep him accountable.

Those BHs need to be told.

Have you told your BW about Marriage Builders? We can help her. She needs to see your actions.