The title of this thread could quite possibly be the typical wayward's motto.

It is their core reason for doing anything. They are only using their tiny, prehistoric lizard brains. The brain we still have from the days before we had to consider anything other than ourselves. Anything other than, Can I eat it? Mate with it? Is it a threat?

Essentially, what's in it for me?

We make fun of waywards a lot on here about how crazy and foggy their thinking. As though they are operating with a tiny, prehistoric brain.

But most of our criticisms focus on our own, more advanced, more humane point of view.

From their point of view, why shouldn't they get DS and FS at home and IC and SF somewhere else? It's efficient.

Many BSs in Plan A focus their negotiations on moral arguments. Ask them to consider THEIR feelings too. The lizard brain of their WS simply can't hear them.

This is an article I read on the lizard brain. It sums up waywardism entirely.
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The survival filter is extremely unsophisticated and black and white (reptiles never having been exactly renowned for their intellectual flexibility) and makes instantaneous decisions. It�s totally self-centered and disinterested in anything (or anyone) else. It has no patience for, empathy with or interest in anything that doesn�t directly concern its survival or well-being. It�s like the biggest diva you�ve ever heard of. It�s like J-Lo, Mariah Carey and Elton John all rolled into one. All it�s concerned with is me, me, me, me, ME!

Even as we evolved and became more sophisticated, we still remained weak and slow compared to many other animals, so the survival filter remained the most important part of our brains. Thirty thousand years ago on the plains of the Serengeti, virtually everything was, or could have been, either a threat or a source of food. But if we spent a lot of attention to every sight, sound and smell we encountered we�d never get anything done, so we evolved to very quickly pass everything through this survival filter before doing anything else.

Now the survival filter�s interpretation of what constitutes a threat doesn�t just concern itself with physical safety. It looks for threats to its well being as well as its survival. The brain only has so much computing power to devote to things that need serious thought (see Fast vs Slow Thinking). Our bodies are energy-saving machines, and our brain eats up energy by the bucket load.

In modern day society we no longer have to worry about where the next meal�s coming from, so we no longer need to do this, and can afford to �waste� vast amounts of energy on non-essential activities. But our Lizard Brains don�t appreciate that. They still act as if we�re hunter gatherers on the plains of the Serengeti thirty thousand years ago. And although our brains account for about 2% of our body weight, they consume about 20% of our energy, which is a massive amount. So anything which makes the brain consume a lot of energy is automatically seen as something to be avoided at all costs unless there�s a very beneficial reason for not doing so.

The survival filter effectively asks three questions, and any message you communicate has to get past all three before it�s passed on to the Neocortex for rational analysis:

Is this a physical threat?
If �yes� and it�s a physical threat, fight it or run away (fight or flight � not a usual response in a business meeting, but many would be more interesting if it was!).
If �yes� and it threatens my well being, dismiss it, argue against it, act defensively or flee from it (as in, �I refuse/don�t have to listen to this rubbish!� or "I don't know why we're even discussing this?").
If �no�, go to next question.
Can I ignore it?
If �yes�, do so.
If �no,� go to next question.
How can I save energy and spend the least possible amount of brain power on it?
Listen selectively
Simplify everything wherever possible
Ignore or filter out anything complex or detailed.
� So in simple terms, unless your message is 1) Non-threatening, 2) Interesting, intriguing or new, and 3) Simple - it probably won�t ever get past the audience�s Reptilian Brains, and will therefore never even be received by the Neocortex, let alone analyzed by it

Great thread, indie!

Plan Aers seem constantly baffled by their WSs strange behaviour, but if you remove morals and feelings, and accept the lizard brains POV, it all makes sense.

Q: Why does my unrepentant spouse stay in the home and behave nicely to me sometimes?

You provide food and shelter and help raising the children. Explaining a divorce to everyone would waste valuable brain energy.

Q: Why does my WS fail to see my POV and acts like they don't care about broken heart

The lizard brain doesn't factor feelings and emotions in its decision making. It doesn't know what a broken heart is. It isn't even aware it will break its own heart on this path.

Q: Why does my WS not listen when I talk?

Because you are talking about your wants and needs. The lizard brain not only does not care but will angrily reject attempts to make it waste brain energy on it.

Speak up, but keep it snappy.

Just to clarify, I don't think lizard brains play any role in STARTING affairs (except in the case of serial cheats who operate this way full time)

I don't think the WSs woke up one morning with a lizard brain and went looking for an extra mate.

The lizard brain is engaged when we are scared and threatened and have to decide between fight and flight.

Affairs start emotionally and by behaving towards each other as humans.

The WS only becomes lizard like when they feel that first stab of fear:

"I can't stop seeing OW/OM. But I risk my home/job/reputation if I do not. What shall I do if this goes further? What shall I do if someone questions me?"

That's when the lizard brain whispers its first pieces of advice: "Lie. Run away. Refuse to listen. Threaten. Manipulate."