Hi friends,
I m devorced and have no contact with XHusband since long time and never wish too.No feelings for him now.thats past.


current situation..
I met a person,whome i met 5 years ago in a company(mnc a hyper retail store-around 1000 employees )i was working with.he came for a visit,he was one of the head of the company.i seen him just once or twice that time at the time of my training 5 years ago.Thats it i knew about him that time.never even had a thought of him.

I had a conversation with him,regarding a job openings.when i came here in this city alone.After that we had lot many nmbrs of conversation professionally. unfortunately a situation arised and i had to find new place to shift urgently.i had no one in contact means had no friend and any body there to help me.
For 1 month in that situation in which i had no money,no job,no contact,no friends,no place to go,no place to put my thing(lot luggage an all),no help from parents(things were ok with parents still no help)and worse personal life.I left that place and shifted to a flat(pg where there were two girls i found on net on sharing basis) for 15 day only.


I had no options,I told called him and told him everything about the situation, he helped me a lot(he didn't knew any thing about me).With his help i found flat and shifted there,started arranging everything.He told me about a job interview in another city.He asked me if i wish he can come with me.as he was going for the audit in that brach of his company after few days.I agreed as i felt that would be helpful bcoz i didn�t knew that place.We went there and given the interview an failed.That was our first meet after 5 years during that time I got emotional and i told him everything that i m married divorcing and anyhow surviving alone got emotional.

he hugged me and said dont worry he'll help me and everything will be ok soon.
we became friends,we went to different places out of the city,had good time.I never thought about relationship the reason was he's around 6-7 years older then me,we started talking daily..

After around six month i felt like he started feeling something about me. As he started behaving differently more caring, more responsible toward me and started asking so many questions, where I am going, what I m doing each an everything means started interfering. It started frustrating me as he was a friend. I went some where other city for 2-3 days alone in frustration for a change to the people I didn�t know much and never met before. After leaving to that place I told him that I m going. He got so worried, started behaving weird and behaved like he�s gone mad, he asked me who�s he and what did I told them about him when I asked he said what u told about us. He accepted he feel that way.
We both come to know that we both have feelings for each other. I came back and we confirmed each other without saying much.
I didn�t knew much about him, but he is a very good soul, understanding person, does things before I say. He fulfills everything and says he can clean my vomit as well ,as he loves everything of mine and even he did. We spend good time with each other like a soul mate. We feel like soul mates But some time our age difference disturbs me, he looks much elder to me that is the only negative thing as I also look younger in comparison to my actual age , everything else is good, that confuses me�Otherwise our relation is very full filling .we started having very good time, we got physical also.He told me he will always be there but he cant commit, he cant marry anybody. he�ll always there with me with full loyalty but cant marry. He is really loyal�Everything was going good .but this confused me�

I felt like he�s married. He didn�t used to pick call after 10:30pm mostly, he don�t talk much even nothing about him. He don�t talk alot like couples, means he always want something to do,he cant sit and talk to me. Day before yesterday he didn�t picked my call I was in need to talk to him.I go frustrated ,next day I asked him directly that I feel like you r married or something is wrong ,I don�t know much about you and u know everything. Clear me today. If u really don�t wana marry then what is the reason behind and then why r u with me.he said he will be mine only but cant marry. I forced him a lot,
He said he loves me a lot and can do anything, will be with me always but he is not in the condition to marry.

When I asked him yesterday, he told me, well yesterday was my birthday as well 1 October.
He told me the truth. He told me he is married since 8 years nothing is going well, his wife lives somewhere else he said he has no children. They were together only for 6 month or year. Now the situation is his wife is not giving him divorce, she clamed his propriety (what he says).when I asked means you didn�t even filed the divorce yet. He said no, he says he did everything what he can to convince her to give the divorce as don�t even live together since 8 years but his wife want that 2 property in return of it, which he and his family cant afford to give. He told me that he offered her a lot money also but she denied for those properties which is very expensive and how can he give his house to her. Where will his whole family go.

He says I shouldn�t take him in his future. As that may spoil my life. He loves me don�t want loose me but can�t make me indulge in such a situation. He says he don�t know when all this will end. But he can�t be so selfish that is why he is not committing. He said I don�t want do any false commitment. He says he didn�t told me this because he wanted to end up all that first. And he did not wanted me to worry.

I am so much worried and feeling very bad. I don�t know what to do. he is still married not divorced ,why didn�t he told me before. Now should I wait for him or move on, how can I move on if he help me in the same situation. I don�t understand what to believe.

Need help please help me what to do. I cant meant him like that. What about my feelings and if is right what about his feeling. At my time he helped me and at his time I should�
Now what to do please help�..

Tell his wife and cut off all contact for life.

Jais,

You keep getting "again involved" in these situations because you do not have proper boundaries for yourself. You were confiding in another man during your previous marriage, you are very recently divorced (and clearly not healed/recovered from that -> BTW your timeline is sketchy - were you even divorced when you started dating this guy???), and continue to make poor decisions. You wanted to date your ex-boyfriend while still married to your (now ex) husband.

When a person continues to make a poor choice in partner, it comes down to their own inability to make wise decisions. You are not ready to date because you are not ready to make proper decisions.

You understand that this man has fed you a bunch of lies, right? Why didn't he tell you before? Because he is a married man. You are an OW right now, you realize this right?

YOU need to fix your behavior before you can find a man who is worthy. You aren't going to find a good partner when you are digging through the garbage can.

Your previous thread:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2562499#Post2562499

yes i was divorced.
and when i was thinking for BF...I was not in the contact of my (now X)husband.He(my exhusband) didnt knew even where i am,we were saperated.I was far away from him had no contacts in any way.Wells thats past.I was thinking about him only after ending,each and everything with Xhusband.but yes i was not healed.

My problem is i cant be alone,i m afraid of being alone.That is why all this happens.Still i am affraid,will everything be ok in my life or not....i am always loyal to the person i am with....cant say anything what is happening in my life.
I never hurted anyone in my life,never lied and never betrade anyone...why only this type of people comes in my life.Do i dont deserve?U all know my story please let me understandwhere i am going wrong.I m very emotional person and unable to handle it when i am alone,I need somebody true persone with true soul beside me....I m so worried,ill and sad.....

If you are desperate and needy ("afraid to be alone") then you will attract predators.

Here is the problem - you think bad people are the only ones who come into your life. I can assure you that ALL dating people encounter "bad people" - married people, abusers, poor choices, etc. the difference is that they do not accept the behavior and simply discontinue the conversation/relationship when it is evident that they are dealing with that.

You, on the other hand, seem to pursue these people after it is clear that there are serious warning signs ("red flags").

He did and said several things that suggested he would be a terrible person to date, yet you continued to date him. You cannot change other people - you can only fix your behavior. Your behavior is leading you towards these people!

Help me,need some more replies from other people too

This was your post nearly a year ago.
One year! And still you are in personal chaos!
Why are you in chaos? I think you should not have anything to do with men for a year. Can you do that? Can you live and grow alone for a year?

You appeal to the type of man that wants to be a "knight in shining armor". Usually these men have terrible lives personally and they find it fulfilling. Now your current boyfriend basically rescued you from homelessness. But he is a failure in his personal life. He finds success in "saving" others.

You need to learn to be self sufficient.

Do you go to church?

I wish too.I'll try my best but how will i handle my lonliness?

i like to go to church..
I am areligious person too...

Do you go to Church?

yes i do...

Well then you embrace the Church.
Make friends in the Church. Volunteer for the Church.
Then you will not be lonely

some more help please

Jais,

It is only 7-10am for most posters. Please be more patient. You have already been advised to tell this man's wife and never contact him again - and work on yourself. Check out the MB website for articles about recovering from divorce.

I sense a "panic" in you - you understand that this is conveying a sense of desperation/neediness? You are not going to fix this overnight. Start by heeding the advice that has already been given to you - the advice given in your previous thread is still relevant.

You are in an affair with this current man. What do you think you should do? I think it is obvious, tell his wife (because I doubt she believes he is as "separated" as he told you)

When in doubt of what to do in life you follow the 10 Commandments.
It does not matter if this man is never seein his wife or if she is separated from him.
You are commiting adultery and that is a sin. You need to repent of it and apologize to his wife. You will have no peace in your life so long as you live in sin

Wow, my friend, you are certainly an easy target for men to take advantage of:

Oh, I moved here, alone...I know no one...I have no place to live....
please help me find lodging....please help me find a job....please
understand I'm recovering from a divorce....my parents do not help me....
I'm afraid to be alone....I intentionally look past red-flags on men's stories....
and I am oh-so-shocked to discover this man just wants an easy piece of tail...

I would suggest you address your lack of maturity and responsibility, both in the way you conduct your life, and the way you present yourself to others, before so much as speaking to any male.

You don't need more help. You need to follow the advice you have recieved.

How about some more of the same advice? You need to tell your OM's Wife. You're in an affair.

You shouldnt date people because you are lonely and scared. That's obvious. Wait until you are happy, well and healed. Otherwise it's like running a marathon with a broken leg. If you enjoy settling for crumbs, instead of learning how to stand on your own two feet, this will keep happening to you. Accept the company and help of FEMALE friends instead of married vultures!

Change your phone number and tell this lying vulture to never contact you again. And learn proper boundaries around men. Men and women can't be just friends, and a man offering that much help has an agenda.