H informed me this morning that he found an apartment. He is pretty positive that he is going to take it.<P>His reasoning for moving out is this. He wants some freedom, wants to regain the love a H should have for a wife. He thinks this might work.<P>We still need to discuss how this arrangement is going to work with the kids. I don't think plan B is the answer because he swears realtionship with other woman is over and I believe him. <P>Should he just be able to come and go as he pleases? Should I do anything to help him? I don't want to alienate him, I want him to come home and he says he hopes he will come home again for good too but I also want him to truly experience what it would be like to live without us permanently.<P>How do I do this? I am very confused and trying to be strong. I kind of feel like he needs to do this because he has thought all along that this might work. I need to let him do this even though I don't thinks it's a good idea. The kids will be devastated but if he stays he will always wonder if he should have done it. And what if it does work and makes him realize that home is where he truly wants to be and that he does love me as a h should love a w.<P>Help

As you know, you can't make him stay. Plan A or B, whatever feels right for you. I asked my H not to be at the house without me or the kids or calling me first (that's if he was going to be there alone, drop-ins were ok.) I didn't want to put barriers up. I don't know if it was the right thing.<P>I know I'm a bit of the voice of doom at this point on the subject of affairs being over. I believed my H wasn't seeing her either when he moved out to experience some "space" and to "get his head together". I had even talked to her and she said they weren't. Both lied. Moving out is not working on the marriage or his love for you. Awhlie back Animac posted on watching actions rather than listening to their words. I wish I had paid more attention.

Hoping,<P>I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I'm in one very similar. I think you're going to have to do what i'm going to do and that is just let your spouse make their own decisions while you take care of you and your kids.<P>In my W case she says she want's to be free and doesn't want to work on restoring a love for me. She's to begin looking for an apartment soon. I'm staying in the house and trying to keep things as normal as possible for the children. She says the affair is over, but they see each other at work and i know OM is having real problems at home also.<P>My W is in counseling that has told her the affair was a result of deeper problems in herself and our marriage. This counseling may be the only thing that keeps the affair from taking off again once she's on her own, but i'm trying to prepare for the worst. If it happens, they deserve each other and the eventual mental anguish that will come to them both. <P>Meanwhile my relations w/her have gone from Plan A unconditional love to modified Plan B businesslike. <P>Hey, just because they have wigged out, don't let yourself be dragged down by their weak character. Be strong, in reality they need you to be.

I don't mean to be Dr. Doom here, but, my h moved out 6 weeks ago. H claimed when he lefted he wouldn't be long. Just needed to sort some things out. Now he says he wants a divorce ( has filed) and that our marriage was a mistake to begin with. I don't mean to discourage you, I'm in a lousy mood today. I think that you need to set guidelines with him. Don't let him come and go as he pleases. You need to be strong about your feelings. It is a tough road. Don't give up hope, tho. Every situation is different. Give him space and time. That is all you can do.