She probably has mental problems. My ex wife did the same thing. Walk away mothers usually have some mental issue.

When's the last time she talked to the kids?

How old are your kids?

Are you documenting all off this?
DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT

Why won't you divorce her?

Two weeks ago was the last time she spoke with them.

Because....I love her. She will have to divorce me.

oh...the kids are older, 17 and 13.

I understand you love her.
But her behavior is very bad for a wife and a mother.
One thing to consider. Your children watch how you respond to this, and they may encounter this in a future marriage of their own.
Do want them to always burn a candle for someone that leaves them?
Or do you want them to move on?

I'm not suggesting either option. Just something to think about.

Also does your love still apply if she is having an affair? Does it change your conditions?

As for the kids, I encourage you to have them see a family counselor if they are not already seeing one

My love for her is unconditional. So yes, if she is having an affair, I will still love her. If she files for divorce, I will stall for as long as I can. If it ends, then I can rest easy knowing I did all I could do. But if she comes back home, I would love her the way I should have been loving her; meeting her every need and nurturing her; loving her without condition, no criticizing, no blaming, lots of touching.

Have you seen these?
What's Wrong with Unconditional Love #1
What's Wrong with Unconditional Love #2

Also this.
Why are Christian Marriages Failing?

My friend I commend you for your dedication.
But I ask you to consider: if your child grows up and marries an alcoholic that is abusive would you encourage your child to leave the abusive marriage or to stay in it as a martyr?

There is unconditional love and then there is UNCONDITINAL LOVE. Unconditional doesn't mean that you can't/shouldn't have your own personal boundaries of how you expect/need to be treated. Unconditional lovew helps in the way you are applying it b/c it helps to be understanding, forgiving to give the marriage a chance. But, giving unconditional love the way you are giving it is NOT what God or anyone expects. You are enabling yor wife's actions/choices/lifestyle and would not be healthy in any relationship. Please read those links about unconditional love that were posted a few posts ago!! REALLY read them. Take your blinders off. I truly believe that you will see the light and begin to make the changes you need to make to be a healthy, better, whole man.

I just read part one. I'm not sure I agree with Harley's premise on unconditional love. For one, he says that the term "unconditional love" is not mentioned anywhere in the Bible. This is not true. The word "love" is used several hundred times in the Bible, but the original language, agape, is love that literally means, "unconditional". So to say that the term "unconditional love" is not in the Bible is simply not true. It is.

It seems that Harley is correlating unconditional love to foolish love. Of course, if someone is married to a molester or a murderer they should protect themselves and leave. But I would think that had this person followed God's leading he or she would not have married the murderer in the first place. But even if they did, isn't God not big enough to protect them? How often have we seen people die in their sleep? God once sent an angel who killed 185,000 soldiers to protect His children. Would He not protect His son or daughter from an abusive spouse?

When I say I will love her unconditionally and not divorce her I mean that I will actively choose to give her kindness, patience, long-suffering, and all that I can do until she divorces me. If she divorces me, then there is nothing more I can do. But at least I know that I would have done all that I could do. **edit**

I will love her. If she never comes home and divorces me, then that is it.

Also, the story of Hosea is unconditional love personified. He loved her, despite the fact that she prostituted herself to the pagan priests of Baal. She could have had all sorts of diseases, but she did not. God protected her during her insanity and their story had a happy ending.

And then there is this statement:

The concept of salvation itself is expressed in many different ways in various texts, but it always comes with a condition. It's never suggested that salvation comes with no strings attached. As one example, "If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved" (Romans 10:9). And making Christ lord of your life is not a trivial condition.

I think he has unconditional love and the rewards God gives confused. Receiving eternal life is conditional, but it has nothing to do with God loving people. God loves everyone but hates the sins that will cause people to lose out on salvation. He is constantly wooing us, beckoning us to come to Him, if we do He welcomes us home, if we do not, He loves us anyway, but will not force us into a relationship with Him.

I love my wife regardless of what she does, meaning my love for her is not based on what she does; like my kids. But I cannot force her to come home. I cannot force her to not divorce me. But people change. And love is the most powerful force in the universe. So maybe, just maybe, my love will motivate her to change for the better. If not, God has my back. He'll protect me. I feel pain, yes. She is not home right now and it is killing me. But I love her still. And I find happiness knowing that I am doing what I should be doing.

It's hard, but I will live....and see a better day.

The Book of Hosea describes Israel. She is the adulterer and good delivered the nation.
It is a picture of God saving the elect. Not a picture of marriage.
Biblically I agree with you that Dr Harley does not teach Church law. He has no valid priestly orders and the article you were referred to does not address Canon law.

However there is no sin in divorcing your wife if she commits adultery. Or separating from her.

Basically she has already separated from you.

I will say that if you do not hold her accountable for her actions you will NOT help her or your marriage. You will enable her behavior. And if she is havin an affair you will enable the affair. I know you don't want to do that.

Can I ask you what qualities in her do you appreciate?
What acts does she perform to help your family on a daily basis?

Have you thought about emailing Dr. Harley?

His article is Lutheran in doctrine concerning salvation. Regarding salvation, there is not a single deed a person can do to earn salvation.
But please understand Dr Harley is a doctor of psychology. He is not a theologian or pastor. What he offers is a leading program for killing affairs and restoring love in marriage.

How do you feel your love will motivate her to change? You said she is mentally ill.

I think that is an excellent question, HDW, one that I really need to think about.

Can I ask you what qualities in her do you appreciate?
What acts does she perform to help your family on a daily basis?

What qualities? Well....she is beautiful, very beautiful. She is meek. She is honest. There is an innocence about her that I appreciate. And she is my wife.

What acts does she perform to help the family on a daily basis? Honestly, not many. She was not a big help around the house, though she did cook every Saturday and sometimes during the week. I get told all the time that I can find someone better easily and quickly, but I am married to her and I want to be married to her. She is not the sharpest knife in the draw, but she is honest and innocent. She does have committal problems and probably some mental health problems, but again, she is mine and I am hers, until she divorces me. I should have been more supportive and nurturing of her. I think I have a huge part in her leaving. My prayer is that she turns and comes back home. If she does not, then....then I guess she will divorce me and I will have to heal, recoup, and move on.

I feel that love, true love, has a way of changing people. I believe that if she sees me respond to her negativity lovingly and patiently she will begin to respond to me lovingly. Grant it, what she has done is cruel and unusual. To leave me at the hospital at my lowest point. To leave the home and not respond to me at all, not even once. Something is going on with her mentally, not sure what it is. But I know I played a part in pushing her to this place. I want to play a part in bringing her back to the place she was when we got married.

Time will tell.