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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 1 |
I am wondering what were some of the ways that you got your partner involved in the process of repairing your marriage together. I mean the policy of joint agreement cant be completed by only one person but what do you do when the other person is not interested? I have attempted to try and involve my husband by printing everything out for him to read, by trying to show him the site so he can read it, by trying to schedule a time and day when we can either look over things together or independently, and I have also just left it alone in hopes that he will pick it up and approach it on his own. But I'm here so obviously none of that ever worked. So how did you involve your spouse?
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
I am wondering what were some of the ways that you got your partner involved in the process of repairing your marriage together. I mean the policy of joint agreement cant be completed by only one person but what do you do when the other person is not interested? I have attempted to try and involve my husband by printing everything out for him to read, by trying to show him the site so he can read it, by trying to schedule a time and day when we can either look over things together or independently, and I have also just left it alone in hopes that he will pick it up and approach it on his own. But I'm here so obviously none of that ever worked. So how did you involve your spouse? Welcome. Have you seen these? Can a Marriage be Saved by One Spouse? #1
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
But I'm here so obviously none of that ever worked. So how did you involve your spouse? By selling it to him. People buy things when there is a percieved benefit. How does he stand to benefit from the program? What are his complaints about the marriage?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437 |
I got mine on the phone with Steve.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,171
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,171 |
I agree with all the above...
I think the first steps are to start applying the MB program yourself. Don't tell him explicitly you are doing that, but just start doing it.
For example, cut out Angry Outbursts and Disrespectful Judgments.
Think of likely scenarios where they come up and then role play in your mind other ways to respond.
So if he always comes home and says "This house is a mess!" Instead of saying "Let's see you take care of two kids and clean the house" you could say "You know, you are right. Can we brainstorm some ideas after dinner on how we could address that?"
Or if he always disappears to go play online games, don't say "Fine! Go ahead and play with your friends!" but try to offer fun alternatives. "I was thinking we could go see a movie on Friday night. What do you think?"
Or instead of "you never help with the dishes", you could say "Would you be able to wash dishes while I give the kids a bath?"
Once you have stopped taking from his Love Bank (eliminating Love Busters) and then started fulfilling some EN to make some deposits, he may be more receptive to a call from Steve or an EN inventory.
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 48
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 48 |
I got mine on the phone with Steve. How did you go about that?
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