Painting my fingers aqua and my toes emerald green to match my dress. Off to the races tomorrow. Don't do any rain dances, Caracal.

Wouldn't dream of it Indie

Emerald green would so suit you. Have fun!

This is a funny update really, as I am not sure what to make of it myself.

All week, including last weekend I have been in a low point with a lack of energy. It's not that surprising. My job has become super stressful, incredibly unrewarding, I am staying at the office later and shift work is affecting my sleep.

People at the races remarked that I seemed quiet. I had a good time anyway, lots of dancing afterwards.

On Wednesday night it all seemed to come to a head. Lately I have been feeling pretty cocky about how well/healed I have been feeling. I now think I would want the divorce under any circumstances, regardless of how remorseful he was.

Perhaps that's why I indulged in a silly daydream. Not even a sleep-dream, I was fully awake and standing in my hallway.

I pictured him on the doorstep weeping with remorse. Not so much a pity party as a pity carnival. I felt for him, though. He kept saying he wanted to 'come home'. I had to explain that there wasnt any home any more.

Anyway it made me cry. Not in pain, or even discomfort, I only felt a sense of pity for him. Half an hour later I was saying 'What was THAT all about?'

The rollercoaster is odd. Low point missiles, strange thoughts and daydreams will strike you like a bolt out of the blue.

I was trying to explain it to friends at dinner last night. Even my friend who was cheated on by her fiance didnt really 'get it'. They've seen me be so happy and this new info didnt fit. Ah well.

I suppose I can't have expected to have rolled as high on the rollercoaster as I have been doing, without experiencing another low. Part of me thinks I shouldnt have indulged in the image. Another part thinks it was good practice in case it really happens. The image of his remorse has less power over me now.

Tomorrow morning I am going to the library (still no laptop) to fill out a job application for a very high powered job I dont think I have much chance of getting. But you have to be in it to win it right? I'm going to treat myself to a fancy coffee and BLT afterwards.

Today I send off my visas for India after spending ages filling out the forms. Their immigration now knows more about me than I do. There is heavy, heavy rain today. As there has been all summer.

Could do with an Indian Summer. Roll on November.

Indie, I think my rain dances last year may have impacted on british summers until Gollum leaves your shores. Sorry!

Thanks for the update, as always. I am right now riding a high on the coaster, things look great for me and I am getting cocky. Oddly, I am hesitantly looking over my shoulder like I am waiting for something to hit me. So your words keep me in check.

I too have had the occasional daydream of late. Initially I did not dare indulge in these, it was just too painful. Then, the daydream would have been about reconciliation if I had dared allow it. Now... it is more about remorse. Part of me may always want to believe Gollum can be a better man. I am glad I have not lost that part of myself that likes to believe people can change.

I think your daydream shows how far along you are in healing. Yes, you would like him to be remorseful, it would be a step in SL becoming the man he could be. Whether that is the man for you, however... hmmm.

Glad to hear you are not giving up on the job front. And India... you HAVE to post pics. China and India are top of my list.

And you mock indie... I think you know full well who you are, better then any Indian immigration officer. MB warrior princess. Now THAT would have been something to put on the visa application under job description!

Daydreaming is part of the healing process, as painful as it may be, it's healthier than supressing our feelings, even during the highs.

Indie - good luck with the job application. India wow, can't wait to hear your travel stories.

Cara maybe you need to put your new found skills to work during the drought times in Oz, the farmers would certainly welcome your rain dances.

You have nothing to lose by applying for the job.

I'm having a bad night tonight. Earlier I was with my little niece and nephews. My 2yo nephew (the black pudding fan) was climbing and playing near me the way boys do when they want attention.

I asked for a hug and he curled up on me like a koala. I told him I loved him, and he sat up, gave me a long clear look and then gave me a very solemn kiss.

The rest of the evening went well. My 7yo nephew who has loved me since I used to sing him to sleep gave me a big hug goodbye. My 9month niece has decided to start beaming when she sees me and giggles when I kiss her. She went away with a newly learned cheery wave.

It's just undone me. When I got home I couldn't stop crying. I think I would be a good mum and its getting so hard to believe it will ever happen.

This isn't even about my age really, or Softlad wasting 11 years for me. It's just basic disbelief.

On films, on the telly, all people talk about is porn and disposable relationships. It seems like such a knockabout world and as though the pool of decent people is shrinking.

It seems hard to believe sometimes that the father of my children is out there.

Plus I'm broke. My job isn't really paying for the increased bills or the divorce. Or the crazy plans I formed early on in Plan B, like India. I can still just about swing it but it'll be tight.

Before all this happened, I was happily married and believed we were about to start our family. I had some modest savings.

Of course things are really better now. The decks are cleared at least.

You could put my mood down to the simply horrendous rain the past few days. A months worth in a day. Flooding all over.

Driving home today the sky went blue for the first time in a week. The sky was turning red and the fields were incredibly green.

Maybe I'm just in my rainy patch before the sun comes out.

I must get a move on and get a job. But that will likely mean moving away and then I will lose my little people.

I'm just a mess tonight.

I'm thinking of asking him through my IM to hand over his financial docs. If he would just do that, I could get divorced, rent out the house. He would get his share too. I just can't afford to take him to court. I just can't get into that much debt. I would end up working for nothing.

Thinking of: "I have been advised by my solicitor that you need to provide all your financial documents to your solicitors very soon.

If we don't cooperate and put our documents forward, we have to go to court. This could cost us 5K each. Money we could keep hold of just by handing over our financial documents. I have already provided mine and told the court I will cooperate in full.

Please let me know whether you will be providing those financial documents or if I have to prepare for court.

What do you think?

Have your solicitor send this message to him or his:

"You need to provide all your financial documents by (name a particular date).
If you do not provide it by then, we will go to court. This will cost additional money from you.
If we do not receive the documents by said date, we will start court proceedings henceforth"

You, Indie do not contact waywardwhathisname. Your attorney gets tough and clearly states the deal for you.

I am so sorry you are down, I have not posted to you before but have been following you. Funny, I always thought without kids that I could just walk away, but the heartache is the same...
Either side is not easy and at the end of the day we are just all trying to know better and do better.

((((INDIE))))

Thank you everybody



Of course I wouldnt contact him directly, I just need an answer from him through the IM on this financial matter in order to make a whole host of plans.

I arranged for my solicitor to send a very similar heavy handed letter to his lawyer a few weeks ago. The problem is we have no idea why his lawyer isn't responding. It could be either they can't get an answer/can't get hold of him. My solicitor said they could simply be incompetent or that people taking summer holidays has seen a back up in the work at the firm.

She cant send a letter to him directly because she doesn't have the address. Neither do I. When I broached her about getting a message to him she said she thought it was a good idea, because if we could get an idea of his mindset we could then start making plans.

If Scotty were to send this, and she got no reply, or no reply that she could tell me about I could rule out the other possibilites.

Then I would have to consider some other alternatives.

X 2.

Indie, warrior that you are... lets think Art of War.

Don't show SL your hand. Don't display weakness. Simply state the consequences for him... this is all waywards understand anyways. In other words, display profits to entice them.

And you need to get a plan together if this is what it might come to. SL may have the means to fight... don't underestimate the enemy. If they are substantial, prepare for them.

By the way... I am in the same boat financially... trying to decide if Court action is in my best interests. This is what I think the decision comes down to. My emotional and financial interests, both now and longer term.

She has sent that very letter weeks ago! I agree it was a good move! She came up with the idea, but I would have asked her to if not. This is not her first rodeo.

But there is no way of knowing if he has received it in Singapore. Absolutely nobody knows where he is.

I can send the same message through IM and know that he has gotten it. If he doesnt reply, I will know to push on in another way.




Believe me I'm not. I would not even hint that I am thinking I cant afford it. the note through IM would simply warn him that depite the cost, we are going to court if he doenst pull his finger out. From his perspective he will believe that I am prepared to go to court. He will know I can get my parents financial backing on that. He knows I have great credit. And we both know that he is in buckets load of debt.



No I dont need to get a reactionary plan together because it wont come to that unless I decide it will. I am the petitioner. It is impossible for him as the respondent to the divorce to take the wheel. That's why I filed before I was ready - so I would be the petitioner and in control of the whole process.

And I know he doesnt have the means, he ruined his credit years ago. He would need a lottery win to sort it all out. I still get a lot of his mail and it's all from creditors.

Your plan seems strong, you know SL's finances are a weakness. You are strong in this and he will know that.

NG suggested on my thread that I seek financial costs for Gollum not co-operating as he is doing exactly what SL is doing (huh, wayward script?) I intend to follow this up. Can you do this in UK?

I could do. If I had the initial funds for a court battle, I would do.

I spoke to my solicitor this morning and told her that quite simply the money had dried up for this. Far from providing the money for a court battle, I needed to stop paying her what I already am each month. That money has been going into an account and should be largely untouched and available to pay for most imminent legal fees, such as letters and applying for the decree absolute.

She was brilliant actually and said my situation wasn't unusual. When a cheater is involved the process becomes very dragged out and the petitioner often runs out of cash. She said she definitely wouldnt advise me getting into a mess financially over it all. She said she was sure there was enough money already put aside to come up with an alternative plan, one that I could afford.

She said possibly the strongest thing I could possibly do is to just drop everything for the time being. I have the decree nisi, which is basically a ruling that I have the legal entitlement for the divorce and that wont expire. All I need for the divorce to be finalised is a rubber stamp and a financial settlement.

She said I could either divorce now and arrange the settlement after the divorce or I could pause divorce proceedings until I am in a better position financially to push on. If i get a new job, or simply start saving up again.

She's going to go over the figures and options and send them to me in an email. I feel much better now that I've spoken to her.

She said it's a shame I dont qualify for legal aid because then I would have my court battle paid for, and SL would then be forced into paying.

I'd say do it now and get it over with. Close this chapter and start a new one.

I'm Divorced.....

Came home and my decree absolute was waiting for me with my letters.

Financial stuff is still unresolved, but legally I'm a free woman. Have been since September 14!

Dr Harley said Plan B would make a divorce hurt less. At a time when I could hardly breathe with the pain, I could only hope he was right.

Today I'm jubilant. I'm free!

Hooray! Go out and do something nice for yourself.

You deserve it!