These questions were not answered.

Going to go with another iteration of your name Keep It Simple Silly;

You admitted yourself that it starts with conversation - so, don't have the conversations.

Secondly, we addressed one solution; don't respond. Just. Don't. Respond. Let alone initiate.

And lastly, what is your goal here? To recover your marriage. To do that you need to restore romantic love in your marriage. To do that, you have to create a balance in your wife's Love Bank that is sufficient to create feelings of romantic love.

Your account is in the red, and this text exchange made a withdrawal. Any reasoning or justification behind that is irrelevant to the fact that it cost you the love of your wife, if even in the smallest amount.


If you had a department come up in the negative with sales and inventory, would you make decisions that increase the deficit, or would you impliment plans to build the inventory and sales back up?

Your marriage is facing corporate shutdown due to loss of profits. Turn it around.

I think Susie is helping you a lot by pointing out questions you have not answered. That happens here amazingly frequently by people who AREN'T GOING TO MAKE IT.

If you want to make it, answer all of the questions asked to you, especially questions asked by good posters here who know this program.

Kiss, I am trying to get you to SEE that this forum is a tool here to help you. Your M is on life support and there is no room for mistakes anymore. If you break an EP or do anything else that upsets your W, you should immediately post here for feedback and help.

You did not handle this breach in EPs correctly at all. It was a further breach of EPs (discussing why you didn't want her to text you anymore was of a PERSONAL NATURE, not work related, and that discussion one on one SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED) It doesn't matter that RQ was onboard with it. She will look back and wonder, as armymama pointed out, what exactly the two of you were talking about. Was it what you said or was it, "RQ found those texts and freaked out, we need to be more careful, OK?"

How do I know? Because I was in RQ's position before and was in this scenario.

Each time my ex got a non-work related text, even if it SEEMED BENIGN, it made me feel unsafe and withdrew HUGE love units and made me wonder if I wanted to stay in the M. That is why you must take this more seriously.

Do you understand?

You seem to acknowledge earlier that this was not work related. But here you are trying to bury this around words like "work meeting" and "male coworker said this" blah blah.

This was not a work related text. This was a personal text. The only person I would text something like this to would be my sister or close friend. No male coworker has ever emailed or texted me anything like this EVER.

The reason that you started this exchange is because you have poor boundaries which is what led to your first affair and unless you make radical changes you will most likely end up having another affair.

Do you understand?

And this woman texting you that she got home safe....

...What on earth has that got to do with you?

This woman thinks that you two are good friends.

Why is that?

I think its because you still talk to women in a way that is likely to create friendships.

How are you/hows your day/tell me about your weekend/do you like that band too?

Sound like you?

How do you think you can change that and reassure RQ of the change?

My WH's affair is with a co-worker, and his texts started out just like that. OW was worried about his safety, and she texted him, and he texted her to say he arrived home safely. This is how affairs START. And, YOU started this personal exchange. YOU need to acknowledge that fact, and take responsibility for it. This is all on you, Bud.

Golden truth.

I don't know if you know it or not, kiss, but this is the truth.

What is your goal here? I thought a few weeks ago she was about to check out of the marriage, and you wanted to turn that around by making any changes necessary.

"work related" means ABOUT THE JOB.

I'm a computer programmer, so for me, work related means about the programs I write and the devices they run on. Work related would be when a woman at work comes to me and says "I ran this program, and expected to see this happen, but that happened instead." She might deliver that by email or in person; I can't imagine getting it by text message.

Getting home safely is not about the job. My female coworkers have husbands, boyfriends, children, parents, family, who care whether they get home safely. I do not. I care about whether Prisca gets home safely, because I have a marriage vow to care about her. Other people are big girls (or boys) and can figure out how to get home on their own, and if they don't, it is not my problem.

Texts that you would send to your family and loved ones are not work related. i.e., looking for my car, going to Joe's for lunch, got home safely. None of those have anything to do with the job.

Do you read any threads here besides your own? (I expect an answer.) There are some things you need to learn from hearing about other marriage situations. You seriously aren't going to make it if you just blog here; you need to be reading other threads and/or listening to the radio show daily, preferably both. You need to be learning how to handle situations BEFORE they come up, not after.

I think you just need to stop talking to women. Are you able and willing to do that?

Susie Q,

No I am not. I transferred in February.

KISS

Markos,


I do not read other threads. I read things if someone puts a link up on my thread. That's about it. I have read some of herpapabears posts.

Is their any particular thread you think I should read?

KISS

If you were serious about recovering your marriage you would read and find threads yourself. You ever hear the term "a team of wild horses would not keep you away"

It's sad when people posting to you care more about fixing your M than you do.

You know that RQ is watching this thread and this is represent yourself? You obviously DON'T CARE THAT MUCH.

I will not waste my time anymore. I will come back when you are serious -- and no, don't bother telling me you are serious. I will be able to tell by the way that you post.

How about listening to Dr H on the radio every day to brush up your MB knowledge?

You can get an app on most phones that will get you the show. You could listen to it while you have lunch and discuss the theme with RQ when you get home.

Its very important you pull out all the stops right now and RQ SEES you doing that.

What did you think of my suggestion you check all work text responses with RQ?

It would help you POJA if you thought before you acted more. Checked with RQ.

Instead of thinking 'Well I think it's OK because I can get my money back on these pins/because I'm not discussing my marriage with this woman so it's fine according to ME'

Think: "What will RQ think? Well the only way to know that is to ask her BEFORE I act"

Can you give us an example of something you POJAd with RQ lately?

Cause honestly, if you don't start practising this basic soon, you soon won't have the chance.

Kiss, I still encourage you to start back at the beginning of your thread, and go through it bit by bit.

It would also be a really good idea to read stories of couples who have made it, especially the ones where the husband was wayward (though you will learn from WW's, too).

Have you read HerPapaBear's story? Have you read mine? The classic of what Pepperband asked of her WH before she would consider R? There are many, many such stories on here. As you see what a repentant FWS looks like, hopefully you'll understand why we've been, and will continue to be, so hard on you for as long as you're willing to stick around and grow. You have not been showing the fruits of repentance.

Reading about the fruits of repentance won't allow you to imitate them. But as you see the frank pain of other BS's, and realize what you have put your own priceless treasure through, you may be moved to genuine remorse and a desire for a change that goes all the way to the core.

You need to become a whole new man. Whether it every gets you anywhere with RQ, it's what you need for your sake and your kids' sake. You can put a saddle on a pig, but it will never be a horse. No matter if you tie on a mane and long flowing tail, it's still a pig. Similarly, you can dress up entitlement as repentance till the cows come home, and make a few cosmetic changes, but until you completely swap out the animal under the saddle, all you've got is a pig in a wig.

You can be different. If you want to be.

Unanswered question.

Dr Harley addressed a spouse on today's radio show that had personal texts with women.
He encouraged the spouse to have NO personal conversations with the opposite sex

Did you give up?