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Never even thought of keyloggers before I came on here. But my WH was driving me crazy with his NEED to know what his POSOW was up to even though he had promised to stay with me.
Waywards 101 I guess.
Last edited by BetrayedP; 10/06/12 02:48 PM.
Me BW: 30
WH: 33
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There is silence still.
So to keep my mind occupied I am going to post some anecdotes from the first months since D day.
I have something that I never heard of before. So please tell me if in the history of this forum you've seen something like this.
Here it goes: inspired by MB, I put a keylogger in his laptop (which was actually difficult because he was not living in our house at the moment, I had to steal his keys for 20 minutes while he fell asleep in my sofa!)
First week passes whith nothing impressive apart from his Fb password.
On second week, I log on and I see something strange. I discover HE HAS PUT A KEYLOGGER ON OW's PC, and he is watching her like crazy. Every day. That was a lousy keylogger (sniper spy) and nothing particular came on. I keep my self together for five days. Day six I find out that he is thinking of me by watching him searching for a certain music piece on youtube (a very rare one). But the coin was tossed. I was so mad that he was also JEALOUS of this homewrecker. I confront him and he is astonished.
Did he ever uninstall HIS keylogger? NO. To this time, even though he was afraid that I would tell the OW about it, he still has it working.
So, I was able to find out EXACTELY what was going on in his mind.
For example, when I made him come and get all of his clothes, which was a quite sad moment, we even made love the same day, that SAME day, after leaving my house he checked HIS keylogger. Addiction OR WHAT?
This keylogger played a major role in my filing for D.
Now have you ever heard of such a story? Unfortunately they're all like that.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Agree they are like this. They are all addicted to their drug, the OP. Have you seen this? Craziest things to come out of a wayward's piehole
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He is text book.
You are text book.
Its amazing any of us ever thought we were unique.
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Me: BW, 41
WH: 46
Married 7 years, together 12
DD: 5
OW: 39
D-Day: 11 April
Plan B since 10/3/12
Divorced 11/12
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I just had news! Seems like a triumph. Her parents are abandoning her . She has no one to watch her kids while she is working. So I guess my WH should have to pay for babysitting now, since she is broke. But he is broke too!
Oh, the society, oh poor Romeo and Juliet! ( if of course Juliet was on her second marriage with two kinds and Romeo was married too)
Me: BW, 41
WH: 46
Married 7 years, together 12
DD: 5
OW: 39
D-Day: 11 April
Plan B since 10/3/12
Divorced 11/12
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Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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I just had news! Seems like a triumph. Her parents are abandoning her . She has no one to watch her kids while she is working. So I guess my WH should have to pay for babysitting now, since she is broke. But he is broke too!
Oh, the society, oh poor Romeo and Juliet! ( if of course Juliet was on her second marriage with two kinds and Romeo was married too) How did you find this out?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I have my inside spy. The husband!
Me: BW, 41
WH: 46
Married 7 years, together 12
DD: 5
OW: 39
D-Day: 11 April
Plan B since 10/3/12
Divorced 11/12
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Posts: 12,357
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I just had news! Seems like a triumph. Her parents are abandoning her . She has no one to watch her kids while she is working. So I guess my WH should have to pay for babysitting now, since she is broke. But he is broke too!
Oh, the society, oh poor Romeo and Juliet! ( if of course Juliet was on her second marriage with two kinds and Romeo was married too) So, you know this information. What do you plan to do with this information?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Good question 1. I am going to feel justice, because I didnt have MY parents to help me meet my WH's needs by providing me with TIME 2. Maybe it's a step towards this thread's TITLE  3. If nothing happens I am OK
Me: BW, 41
WH: 46
Married 7 years, together 12
DD: 5
OW: 39
D-Day: 11 April
Plan B since 10/3/12
Divorced 11/12
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Now this is a lesson for me and other newbies here.
During the first period I only exposed my WH and not in fb and not at once. I was too busy plan Aing him for months and letting him gaslight me.
My excuse was that I had shown him a lack of love for long and I needed to compensate.
As for the OW they persuaded me at the beginning that it was useless because of the white marriage thing. Which was true BUT it sure wasn't useless.
See all you non-believers?
She blocked me from her fb early on and I was such a fool then. I didn't know that if you block someone then he can't see you. I thought she had erased fb account!!!It was only much later that I became the 007 level spy but I couldn't use all the valuable info because of HOPE that I could do this only by plan A.
Me: BW, 41
WH: 46
Married 7 years, together 12
DD: 5
OW: 39
D-Day: 11 April
Plan B since 10/3/12
Divorced 11/12
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Her father just called me. He was devastated. He asked me if want him to do something . I said the only thing we can all do is not make it easy for them. He agreed.
Me: BW, 41
WH: 46
Married 7 years, together 12
DD: 5
OW: 39
D-Day: 11 April
Plan B since 10/3/12
Divorced 11/12
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Oh Faith well done.
Can you get OWs dad to call your husband and tell him he will never be accepted into the family? If he also wants to threaten and shout at him for defiling his little girl, who are we to stop him exercising his fartherly right?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Day by day I develop the mentality of "how can I want back someone who did this to me". Because of the good old times? They may never be again. I've been at the TOW forum and I was horrified at how long these women persist in this sickness. Maybe it's the human nature. One can have a good intention and EPs and...But how can you jeopardize your happiness by the random call? If it only takes ONE call isn't it disgracing for the BS forever?
Me: BW, 41
WH: 46
Married 7 years, together 12
DD: 5
OW: 39
D-Day: 11 April
Plan B since 10/3/12
Divorced 11/12
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Anyone can have an affair with loose boundaries. Me, you, anybody. Anyone who thinks they would never have an affair is delusional. If he gets tighter boundaries, it's cool.
But I would give Plan B quite a few months before making any permanent decisions. Just follow the plans and keep your options open for now.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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And, protect your finances, and work on avoiding love busting (this is for you even more than to appeal to your spouse), and tell yourself this "In the end, I will be a better person, with or without that man."
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Important question about plan B:
He is not supposed to know what am I doing or thinking about him but what about the things he hears from our DD?
Lately she ask a lot of questions and I just reply. Then she tells him. " if dad goes to war would you care? Will he be invited in my birthday? If he apologizes would you forgive him?"
At the end I told her to not talk about dad to me, but that was cruel I think. I stll don't know how to reply to these questions and I admit to making some DJs.
Me: BW, 41
WH: 46
Married 7 years, together 12
DD: 5
OW: 39
D-Day: 11 April
Plan B since 10/3/12
Divorced 11/12
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Posts: 11,650
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He is not supposed to know what am I doing or thinking about him but what about the things he hears from our DD?
Lately she ask a lot of questions and I just reply. Then she tells him. " if dad goes to war would you care? Will he be invited in my birthday? If he apologizes would you forgive him?"
. No, that's not quite true. YOU are not supposed to hear things. You cant control what he hears/sees. However you should avoid meeting his needs. Affectionate words from you, delivered through your daughter would be a way to meet needs. Explain to your daughter the conditions in the Plan B letter. NC, RH etc. Explain you would forgive him if he became honest and faithful. Explain that he has a letter describing these conditions. If she says 'do you want him back' or 'do you miss him' just reiterate that you need him to become honest and faithful first.
Last edited by indiegirl; 10/07/12 02:11 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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At the end I told her to not talk about dad to me, but that was cruel I think. She may need your support. I don't think I would make the blanket statement that she isn't to talk about WH with you, but I would lay down some ground rules about what topics are safe, and what topics should be avoided.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I would say that, of course she can talk about dad with you.
This is the one person who you should allow to broach the subject.
She is very much part of the whole situational thing. She has to be able to vent with you.
Anyway, if she asks these things tell her, as suggested that daddy needs to become honest and faithful first. That it is painful for you to talk about because you are so upset by the situation but will try to not shut her down in conversation. And, apologize for telling her not to talk to you.
When she does start a conversation that is painful for you, let her know it is painful and that you are having a tough time discussing it but will try to be open with her.
Whether she relays info back to dad or not is not your concern.
Being the best mom is your concern. You act and say things that you would be proud for your daughter to hear and things that explain your fight to survive this mess.
But, play with her more than talk about it. Plan fun things to do with her. 'PLAN A' your child.
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