So breaking news!!

My security system alarms me on my cell phone when a door opens. It alarmed me and so I checked my video cameras. She had come home with her parents and they were moving the rest of her things out. I quickly came home, but I was too late. They were gone.

So I went around the street to the house she is renting the room. Her parents were there and they were helping her move the stuff inside the house (so she is still there). Her mom was all bubbly and gave me a hug (remember she is schizo). I asked her mom how did all of this happen. She said, "I don't know. I don't know anything." Then started talking about how my son is so handsome and was talking about how nice my car looks. Just deflecting everything. So I went inside and my wife was in her room putting things away with her dad. I asked him if I could have a minute with my wife. He said sure, and stepped out of the room and I closed the door.

She looked at me. I looked at her. I sat down and asked her to sit down. She said, no. I asked her what was going on. She told me all how I neglected her for all of these months saying she wanted to come back home and work on the marriage but I wasn't ready, I blew her off, I was into my work, all I wanted her for was sex, and I made her feel like crap and she was tired of it. I listened to her. When she finished. I told her she was absolutely right. I told her I was far too much into my work and not into her and I apologized for that.

She admitted to not being perfect either but said she has just had enough. She said when we married she did not know who she was so it was easy for me to run over her. She said if she comes back it would just be the same as it was. I told her why not come back and let me move out. I said it is our home and she should be there. She stopped and thought about that for a minute. I told her that even though I hurt her this is not reason to end the marriage. I told her we are not dating. I told her I realized where I went wrong and asked for a chance to show her and if she does not see a change, then she can leave.

I noticed she had written notes on the bed. I read it and it was about signs of emotional abuse. Someone is telling her that I emotionally abused her. Never mind the fact that I have always been there for her, no matter what. Never cursed at her. Never called her a name. Never left her. Never hit her. She has done all of the above to me.

So I asked to pray with her before I left. She agreed. We knelt down, held hands, and prayed. I could get a sense that she is SO confused right now. I believe her mom is filling her head with all this emotional abuse, you never got a chance to know who you are talk.

I went outside and had a long talk with her dad. I believe he sees how crazy this is, but that is his daughter. I asked him to speak to her. He knows that nothing has happened to warrant a divorce. Couples go through hard times. This is the first "hard time" we have had since we have been married (will be 4 years on the 19th). He knows. So I asked him to talk to her.

Oh, she also said that she believes the last 10 years were helpful (that is how long we dated). She said that I had said I wish that I had never met her and experienced the last 10 years (don't recall saying that) but she said she learned enough about marriage to carry over to her next relationship and that I learned enough to carry over to my next relationship. I told her who ever we meet we will have to learn all over again because it will be a new person with their own set of issues and there will be hard times with the new people too, and who knows what kind of hard times we will encounter. So maybe that statement was indicative of her having an interest in someone. I don't know. But she said she would think about my offer. I invited her back home for lunch, but she is back to ignoring me. I invited her mother, but her mother ignored me too.

Go figure.

Just saw these questions....she is paying for her room, only $850 a month all inclusive. She lives with other people renting the house, all older individuals, mostly women, one man, who has a girlfriend.

She has not seen a psychiatrist, some therapists. She has not been diagnosed with a mental illness.

She hired a PI because she thought I was cheating. I had work in NY so I was going at least once a month and was extremely busy.

So you now know where she's living?

Are you being careful when you're communicating with her? Have witnesses all the time? If she's trying to say you were emotional abusive she could be building a case against you.

Do you still travel for your job?

Is her mom dx with a mental illness?

Yes, her mom is. No more travel. I do not emotionally abusive. I do not have to be careful when communicating with her. Nothing I say to her can be construed as abuse.

Read this.
Vindictive, cheating wife tearing me apart

Romulus, your kids are with you, correct?

Yes, and they are her step kids. I had my kids with my first wife at 20 and 24. We started dating at age 26/27.

That's a sad story. So I take it that most people think she is having an affair. Well, let's see what the PI comes up with. I don't think she is...yet. I know she is confused, hurt, and does not know up from down right now. I mentioned I saw notes on her bed about emotional abuse. Whatever it is she is reading or whoever is talking to her they are convincing her that I am emotionally abusing her. I told her that it is her house and she should be home. She snapped, "My house? That is your house. You did all the decorating." I did not say anything to her because she was so angry, but later I sent her a text message reminding her that she picked out ALL of the furniture before we moved in and she remodeled the kitchen and totally remade the living room with her color paint and shelving and the whole nine yards. She is totally brainwashed right now. I know I should not have reminded her that, but I just don't get why she won't talk to me. I don't get it.

Ugh! I read one book where the author said, "Just agree with everything she says. If she says she wants a divorce, agree with her. She'll change her mind." I don't know about that.

Sir, what do you value more? The Word of God or a book?
To agree with everything she says is to lie.
Thou shalt not lie

I'm sorry Rom. Even more red flags for an affair I am afraid.

This is too much for me to bare. How can I just sit back and do nothing. I have never been treated this badly in my life. I feel like texting her and telling her that she has never been there for me when I really needed her and then tell her I will give her the divorce she wants.

Don't do anything rash, Rom. Don't say something if you don't mean it.

I understand that you are hurt and upset. Don't text anything to her right now while you're feeling like this. Sleep on this. Think about it. If you truly DO want to end your marriage, go to an attorney and get the process rolling. She has abandoned the marriage. You have grounds.

Dont act on your feelings, use logic instead.

You have a PI acting in your interests. Make sure he works very hard for you.

Be the nicest, most confident, most sweethearted husband ever whenever your paths cross. She will be back for more cake eating at some point.

Get some sleep and eat what you can.

Well....I guess I cannot text her. She blocked my number!! I guess it really is over. And why? Because I said some hurtful things out of anger and did not work on the marriage when she was ready. She is gone. Game over. No more.

I cannot believe this is happening.

Rom. What do you need to hear from us that you need to make sure your wife is not having an affair?

You need to find out who the OM is.

What does your PI say about her movements?

Was there any strange behaviour before she left?

Lots of texting? Unexplained time? Hours on the computer?

Sir you have already done that.

I think you should focus on your own self
Improvement at this time

Basically your wife has "Plan B" you.
She wants no contact with you.

Uh, yeah. I pretty much figured that one out.