It was just proven our son had a sexting afair with is SIL. This is mom posting to ask for help/advice. Our DIL is saying she is done with him. This has sent him into a deep depression. He may be suffering OW withdrawal too. They have 3 children (2 hers, 1 theirs). Does anyone have any quick thoughts on ways to help them through this?

H and I have just recently finsihed HNHN and are reading LB now. Have filled out several worksheets and want our relationship to be better than ever. So I understand (most of) and agree with MB philosophy. Sorry, these posts may seem disjointed. There is much more that needs to be posted but I just dont know where to begin.

Be specific. Don't say "everyone".

I'm sorry you find yourself here, but this is the best place for surviving an affair.

The best book by Dr. Harley for adultery is Surviving an Affair. HNHN and LB are great books, but first attend to the deep gash; later is time for the therapy and healing.

It would be best if you could get your daughter-in-law on MB. Don't tell your son about this site at this time.

The first thing that needs to happen is for you as his parents to call him up and tell him that what he did to his wife was disgraceful. He needs to write a letter of No Contact No contact letter to the OW (other woman) and show it to his wife for her approval. Then they should mail the letter.

His affair should be exposed to everyone who is a friend to him, so that he can be held accountable for what he did. This is also to gain support for the betrayed spouse whose pain at this point is intense and almost unbearable. Everyone needs to know who the OW is so they can protect their own marriages from her. The OW's spouse needs to be informed as well.

Then your son needs to institute Extraordinary Precautions so that he will never again have another affair.

These precautions included:

Changing his contact info so OW cannot ever contact him.

All passwords shared, an integrated transparent life with his spouse.

Provide Just Compensation--creating a marriage of extraordinary care and romantic love. This won't entirely rid the BW of her pain, but having a great marriage does a long way.

Other vets will come along. Please heed them. Again, try and get your daughter-in-law to start her own thread so she can be helped directly.

Son 26. DIL 30. Her daughter 14. Her son 12. Their daughter 1 year. SIL prolly never married 5 kids 2 different men. In an off and on relationship. A lot of DIL's family knows. Our other 2 chldren (adults also) know. DIL doesn't want her children to know (even though I have incouraged her to tell). She has been secretive to her children about all things! Thinks they are to young to understand/know anything related to adulthood. The OW doesnt want her kids to know (ages 15 - 4 approx)

Was I specific enough? DIL's father knows, Mother is deceased. Her sisters and brother know. A cousin knows and some of DIL's friends.

Post it on Facebook.

"Our hearts are breaking. Our son (name) has been cheating on his wife (name) in an adulterous relationship with OW (name + relationship) for (time in months). Please pray with us that our son and DIL can recover their marriage and triumph over this tragedy. Please private message me if you have questions or suggestions. Thank you."

longwayfromhome: (I agree "attend to the deep gash, later time for therapy). It also gives me time to order SAA . My son already knows bout this site...his father and I have been very verabal about this. DIL also has heard bout this site. "Dr Harley" this and "Dr Harley" that. She might start her own thread??? He knows we think his behavor is wrong. DIL has his phone in her posession right now. I think their paswords have never been secritive (maeaning I think she has always know them...facebook anyway) Phone numbers will be changed soon. Son wants to repair (doesnt want to loose her or the kids). She wants a divorce.
We were with DIL this AM (son was afraid she might take her life). Son got home from work with roses, etc, ect. He wants to create a marriage of romantic love but she is not yet receptive to that.

Interesting way to put this.
Does your son know his behavior is wrong?

Because she does not feel safe.
He needs to write a NC letter and give it to his wife to read before mailing.

How does your son explain his trashy behavior?

Please advise son that if he ever, even once, gave OW as much as a single daisy, those roses will be viewed as a slap in the face. Bringing her a NC letter would gain more marriage traction over roses.

He needs to be completely transparent, offer a Lie Detector test would be good
No Contact letter is a must
The EP's are a must
Just compensation is a must

Oh ya he knows that...He woke me up early this AM (phone call) and said "Mom, I really screwed up" He was driving home and crying horribly.

Thanks. I may be in your shoes one day .... Prayers for your family.

His affair was texting/sexting over a 3 -4 week time frame.

Ah yes the NC letter that he presents to W is a great idea!

What are EP's?

That is a good one...I think I will ask him to explain it to me in front of his W.