Wow, that was a good one.

Another hot (?) topic for me (btw do you think I should not change topic so fast in order to get more answers?):

By fate' s intervention, when we were 3 months post D Day I received the most unexpected and challenging job offer. A very big Company approached me and asked me for an interview for a job in a DIFFERENT country. I accepted reluctantly because I was in the middle of things and send a cv. I did an online interview and seems that they want me. I have a good job but am underpaid as everybody in Greece.
I don't really want to go, because of my DD.

WH knows about this but didn't move one finger, saying that he can't be an obstacle to my career. I actually thought he would beg me not to go in order not to lose his daughter. But, he didn't .

So, now I may cancell the proceedings or not. WH has always been the type that has to be pushed in an "in your face" manner in order to act. He was saddened only when he had to SIGN for DD's passport.

Question is: how do I use this situation? Do I let him believe I am leaving until the last minute and then cancell? Do I TRICK him or just forget about the whole thing?

Moving is a valid Plan B option. One which Dr H rates highly. You are supposed to create the best possible life for you and not worry about the WS.

This makes you attractive, confident and capable. A far cry from the permanent Plan A wreck. It also helps you to stay dark.

If repentance ever comes he can join you or you can go home.

But you have to think of you now

Trying to trick him? Did you graduate from magic school?
A far better plan is to pray for his soul. Read the Book of Hosea in the old Testament and pray that prayer. Pray for hedges of protection around him.

Trying to manipulate will not help you.

I have a 5, 8 and 9 year old children
I am asked these questions ALL the time, usually around bedtime.
I dealt with these questions before and after divorce.
Before divorce the children and I would ask God in prayer to keep our family together.
After divorce we always pray before bed and we pray for everyone in our family, including mommy.
Regarding birthdays, I went through that TOS weekend. My 5 yr old is turning 6 and I explained that since we are divorced then that means we don't have birthdays together anymore.
I asked why we can't all get together I simply answer that we are divorced and I would be sad if I saw mommy.

That being said, I encourage you to read a few books on this. Divorce is like the end of the world to kids. But they do adapt. Better than the adults adapt!

I just encourage you to maintain as much routine as possible in her life. Children find safety in routine. And I hope you are raising her in the church so she knows the love of God.
You may find daily strength through reading the lives of the Saints. Here is a saint remembered last week (from the Synaxarion):

Saint Justina who was from Damascus, lived in virginity for the sake of Christ. Saint Cyprian, who was from Antioch, began as an initiate of magic and worshipper of the demons. A certain foolish young man who had been smitten with Justina's beauty hired Cyprian to draw her to love him; when Cyprian had wed every demonic device he knew, and had failed, being repulsed by the power of Christ Whom Justina invoked, he understood the weakness of the demons and came to know the truth. Delivered from demonic delusion, he came to Christ and burned all his books of magic, was baptized, and later ascended the episcopal throne in his country. Later, he and Justina were arrested by the Count of Damascus, and having endured many torments at his hands, they were sent finally to Diocletian in Nicomedia, where they were beheaded about the year 304.

(when we read about the saints daily then our lives aren't so challenging as they appear to be)

Guys please, forget about the plan B rules. I am keeping it dark but I have SOME information!

Everything was done wrong. I mean especially the exposure stuff! I learned only today that her parents didnt even know she is a getting a divorce on Wednesday! And they live with her! That was something that she asked her husband to do, to keep it secret and he agreed! He never said anything to them OR ANYBODY ELSE. What kind of man is this, white marriage or not?

Also, OWH family dont know anything, listen to this: because OWH's mother is a cancer patient currently treated by my WH!!!
He told me that he gets to hear his name everyday in his house by his mother who adores my WH! He was even forced to make him a present! Now, is this pervert or WHAT?

So, all this time she was completely carefree to play Juliet, not one worry in her twisted mind! And I played the decent wife! I should have ripped her head of, she is such a weak and manipulative creature!

That is amazing

Any advice?

Does everybody know the truth now?

Will everybody ask the OPs to end their affair?

When can you arrange a watertight Plan B to begin?

NO thats my point. Only two people know on her side, (parents) and I am not even sure they know about her divorce.
I am sick of this story, I just want to plan B

Plan A comes first and that involves exposure. Who do you think is going to do it for you? Fairies? Did you think the waywards are going to expose themselves? Get it done, Faith!

Plan B takes preparation. It has to last. There is no point rushing into a half azzed Plan B that won't stand up to the job.

Plus as soon as you've caught your breath you'll start regretting your poor Plan A and lack of exposure. That's when people break Plan B and so the wayward stops taking them seriously. Do exposure NOW!

Read my sig and prepare properly for a GREAT Plan B that will never break. Do it after a nuclear exposure and with you leaving a firm but fair Plan A memory.

My dear Indie.
I have already gotten a glipmse of what is plan B for him. HE is planning B me. Never ever communicates and when he does (usually in reply to a text of mine about DD) then he usually "remembers" to tell me smth, like a sudden trip, that he wants to change the schedule, or that he reccoments another antibiotic. That's a good plan B. HIS, not mine.
So tired of the effort to antagonise a low life. So tired of his childish assumptions.

That's a TERRIBLE Plan B. Waywards are not capable of Plan B.

They don't have the discipline. He has to show off. Has to communicate. That's not Plan B!! That's straight out of the wayward handbook entitled 'Mean and moody and needy for attention'

A Plan Ber NEVER communicates.

A Plan Ber walks into a restauarnt with important work clients - but if she sees her WH she turns around and leaves.

A Plan Ber gets a call at work from WH and hangs up on him wordlessly.

A Plan Ber sees her WH waiting in the office car park and tells security

A Plan Ber hears her WH banging on the door and takes a bubblebath with earphones in. If the neighbours haven't called the cops in an hour, she does.

They don't send snidey, moody, attention grabbing texts. They don't play around. Its not a game of one upmanship. PLAN Bers MEAN BUSINESS.

Get it?

OK, until I get myself together, allow me some rambling thoughts.

I just realized that plans A and B are what I use to do in my youth to make people fall in love with me. I used to show the other person the best of me for a while and then I would go dark without giving any reason. I would'nt answer phone calls, I would be out of sight or I would ignore them. And then when I thought it was enough, pouf, just a brief moment and another circle of the same. It worked EVERY time. It was the old saying: people are like stamps, if you spit them, they stick! I was SOO confident then, and confidence helps too in flirting.

I even used this technique with my WH when I met him. It was done in a semi-conscious level, but as I remember it was done to get rid of open accounts he had with WOMEN. I gave him the best of me for a while and a kiss or two and then I disappeared giving him not a letter but an attendum that he had to be completely free of OP, done with and even staying alone for a while if he wanted me! I ignored him for 4 months. Of course having him chase me arould helped (hehe). And then he came clean! How could I forget this pattern? Every man wants to chase.

But of course I thought that these things are for the young and foolish, not for your H!

I just signed my D papers. I am handing them to WH tomorrow.
I feel good!

Parallel parenting is starting to have its toll on DD. She is ill again. A relapse of the staphylococcus AND a nasty cough. He is having her today. I am so worried. He does not even change his work schedule (on call) so that he is not working the weekends he has her. He is taking her with him in the Hospital with all these germs etc. He was ALWAYS like this it's not a wayward thing. Plain irresponsible. I was the safe net in our marriage for all of us.
I am worried about her safety. If she develops a fever for example or God forgive, a complication like endocarditis from this staph I am sure he won't notice.
I want to tell him not to take her in a playground but it's not according to parallel parenting rules I guess. Hey, I even want to tell him not to have her, now that she is ill but he is supposed to be a physician!
And I am stuck to this thing for years to come!

Step back.
Take a breath.
Release control.

Even if you were co parenting, you would not be able to control his actions by trying to educate him.

I hope your dd gets well soon.

You can start documenting things in a journal. Do it with facts, not judgements. You could put the time she was with her dad and that she was ill and that she was taken to work with him that day.

Exactly. Coparents would just get in an argument about his actions, they wouldn't resolve them.

And as for the flirting games of your youth. That has NOTHING to do with Plan B.

Plan B is not a game. It is deadly serious. In your letter you say: "you have ripped out my heart and you are not safe to be around. I want our marriage but unless you prove yourself"

It is not a game but protection from his hurtful actions. It will not make him fall in love with you but it will demand husbandly actions if he expects wifely support, friendship and coparenting. He has to pay the piper to enjoy the music.

Plan B = is enforcement of serious, healthy boundaries.

Plan B = is you saying "enough is enough"

Plan B says = I DESERVE good treatment. We are not friends while you do not have my best interests at heart

I know. That was a silly post by me written late one night. Sometimes I pretend to see it as a game to lighten the burden of it. But not in days like today.

When I see his signature tommorow, I don't know how I'll feel. Just before me going dark I told him in a call: I am not a divorcing type and he said "I am not a divorcing type either"...

I would not advise you to listen to his words.

Watch for and insist on actions.

How are your Plan B preps coming? Have you read the thread in my signature?