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Interesting way to put this. Does your son know his behavior is wrong?
This was in answer to longwayfromhome's comment "The first thing that needs to happen is for you as his parents to call him up and tell him that what he did to his wife was disgraceful." I wanted longway to know that our son did/does know how we feel about his actions.
I know that MB encourages openness and honesty in M. DIL wants to see all of the texts. I know they will be hurtful. Full of DJ's and AO against her. do u think these need to b seen?
I know that MB encourages openness and honesty in M. DIL wants to see all of the texts. I know they will be hurtful. Full of DJ's and AO against her. do u think these need to b seen?
Absolutely! They should have no secrets to which she is not privy.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Whatever questions your daughter-in-law has need to be answered by her husband, even to viewing for herself the hurtful trashy messages. She should know the extent of his betrayal and then she can decide what to do.
By the way, I wish my in-laws had stood on the side of our marriage instead of blaming me for their son's affair. Would have made recovery a tiny bit easier to have their support. Good for you.
...Oh ya he knows that...He woke me up early this AM (phone call) and said "Mom, I really screwed up" He was driving home and crying horribly.
While you're at it, you might tell your son that he really oughtta stay the hell off the phone while he's driving.
I have a 17 y.o. daughter who's been driving for about 14 months. She has her act together, but I'm sorry she has to share the road every day with all the people who think their little phone & text conversations are so f*n important that driving their 2-ton vehicles somehow doesn't warrant their full attention. As far as I'm concerned, they all have their heads stuck so far up their bums thinking they're more important than anyone else on the road, that they don't even think their own stinks like everyone else's.
You might think this is a needless digression, but it's illustrative of the fact that your son needs to start giving a damn about others in multiple facets of his life.
By the way, I'm a formerly wayward husband. A bit less than 4 years ago, I spent plenty of time crying myself about the stupid, selfish things I did that almost trashed my marriage. If he's got questions for me, you know where to find me. I'll make him the same promise I make other guys & girls who've messed up like this: I won't ever do him the disservice of sugarcoating anything; I'll tell it to him straight.
Me: FWH, 50 My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold DD23, DS19 EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09 Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009 Married 25 years & counting. Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband. "I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol "Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
It was just proven our son had a sexting afair with is SIL. This is mom posting to ask for help/advice. Our DIL is saying she is done with him. This has sent him into a deep depression. He may be suffering OW withdrawal too. They have 3 children (2 hers, 1 theirs). Does anyone have any quick thoughts on ways to help them through this?
How are the SIL and BW/DIL related?
Sisters, SIL by marriage, then married to who?
I did not see a mention to get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.
Well, GloveOil, I was way more worried bout him crying and driving then talking and driving! I was trying to get him calmed down enough to DRIVE and not cause a wreck and anyone else harm.
It was just proven our son had a sexting afair with is SIL. This is mom posting to ask for help/advice. Our DIL is saying she is done with him. This has sent him into a deep depression. He may be suffering OW withdrawal too. They have 3 children (2 hers, 1 theirs). Does anyone have any quick thoughts on ways to help them through this?
How are the SIL and BW/DIL related?
Sisters, SIL by marriage, then married to who?
I did not see a mention to get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.
Sisters. And yes the book has been mentioned by many. Thanks tho.
Well, GloveOil, I was way more worried bout him crying and driving then talking and driving! I was trying to get him calmed down enough to DRIVE and not cause a wreck and anyone else harm.
I don't think GOs point was that you should have done anything differently but that your sons sadness is manifesting rather selfishly.
This is pretty common with waywards. 'Oh woe is me' 'wahhmbulance' etc when they should be clearing up their mess.
Just something to keep in mind in case he throws any more pity parties.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
Well, GloveOil, I was way more worried bout him crying and driving then talking and driving! I was trying to get him calmed down enough to DRIVE and not cause a wreck and anyone else harm.
I don't think GOs point was that you should have done anything differently but that your sons sadness is manifesting rather selfishly.
This is pretty common with waywards. 'Oh woe is me' 'wahhmbulance' etc when they should be clearing up their mess.
Just something to keep in mind in case he throws any more pity parties.
He called me to tell me that he had made a bad mistake and asked me and his dad to drive 20 miles to be with DIL so she wouldn't take her life. Was that selfishness? You think he was just crying for himeself? He was 3 hours drive from home and had just got off a 12 hour shift so he was exahsted and prolly too tired to be anuyhing BUT too emotional.
Last edited by parentsneedhelp; 10/08/1206:22 PM. Reason: additional text
He called me to tell me that he had made a bad mistake and asked me and his dad to drive 20 miles to be with DIL so she wouldn't take her life. Was that selfishness? You think he was just crying for himeself? He was 3 hours drive from home and had just got off a 12 hour shift so he was exahsted and prolly too tired to be anuyhing BUT too emotional.
He called me to tell me that he had made a bad mistake and asked me and his dad to drive 20 miles to be with DIL so she wouldn't take her life. Was that selfishness? You think he was just crying for himeself? He was 3 hours drive from home and had just got off a 12 hour shift so he was exahsted and prolly too tired to be anuyhing BUT too emotional.
Yes. He is still selfish. Don't defend him.
Dont think i am trying to be argumentive - just trying to understand. What part was selfish? The crying?
He called me to tell me that he had made a bad mistake
He made a CHOICE to start sexting his SIL...he knew it was wrong but decided to do it anyways. It was NOT a mistake. He needs to take responsibility for his choices.
You sound like good parents.
Last edited by pokerface; 10/08/1206:50 PM.
ME: BW HIM: FWH Married 18 yrs DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
well, in short, yes, the crying. crying is all about ME - I'M so sorry, I feel so bad, I'M a horrible person. he should be spending his time tending to his wife, whom he has left shattered. he could have done this by leaving off on the crying and concentrating on his drive home so that he could attend to her without any needless ME stuff.
parents - good on you for coming here. you will get the best advice, honest! some of it will be hard for you, but the honest truth is what's going to get them through.
in regard to the texts - your son should give/show her whatever she wants to see/hear. it is one step towards honesty and openness. "protecting" her is something he should have thought of *before* he did this, not after. he is only trying to protect himself, because he thinks showing her will only give her more reason to leave him. she has every right to leave him. but he can turn this around, especially with your help and support. please remember your DIL is the victim here, regardless of the state of their M pre-A.
re SIL - DILs sister? she will have to be excluded (plan b'd)from the family forever. what a horrible, horrible person.
He called me to tell me that he had made a bad mistake
He made a CHOICE to start sexting his SIL...he knew it was wrong but decided to do it anyways. It was NOT a mistake. He needs to take responsibility for his choices.
You sound like good parents.
Yes he made a choice and needs to take resposibility for his choice. When he called me early this AM, all I could really understand was the "I made a big mistake" The mistake he was talking about at THAT time was....DIL had driven 4 hours to his job site late Sat night to talk to him and maybe start reconciliation. One of the things she asked him was "there any more texts he had hidden?" from her. This was the mistake he was talking about....he had hidden some info from her. Didn't come "clean". He knew she had a long drive home that afternoon after being awake all night and wanted to present her with it when he got home this AM.
