There was no affair and now our marriage is over.

I've hurt him so much over the years that he finally just shut down. There might have been hope if I could have just left gim alone for awhile, but I couldn't do that. When I panic I make stupid decisions and I want to fix things. that's what I did. Instead of leaving it/him alone, I kept bothering him about it.

He's leaving as soon as he finds a job. I want him to go because I don't want to hurt him anymore.

How did you manage to fulfill all those recommendations from other experienced posters overnight? It's been barely 12 hours and you have already confirmed no affair? Why? Because he told you so?

Anonymous, are you an expert at saving marriages? Because if you are a new poster here and your husband is leaving you, I would suggest that you are not an expert at all. You came to MarriageBuilders because Harley's advice has saved many marriages - many of which were in an even worse position than yours.

Why do you feel that the best course of action to save your marriage is to disregard all the advice of Dr. Harley and other recovered marriages, and implement your own marriage "saving" methods which are obviously not working?

Do you go to the doctor and tell him how to perform surgery? No, that would be ridiculous. That's what you are doing.

Did you take our suggestions and implement some spying resources? There is no hope unless you take our suggestions, Anonymous. We can help you save your marriage but you have to take our suggsestions.

Dear Anonymous

If you are still interested there IS a way to spy on his Pc ( if it is not a laptop) even if it is password protected. It is called hardware key logger. A small unnoticeable device you put in the keyboard line. Not expensive.

You were not stupid. You were rational. He is telling you stuff like this to try to make you get off his back.


No, that's not true. This strategy has never saved a marriage.

You are simply hearing the typical insanity that wayward spouses say. This happens in every single marriage afflicted by adultery or abuse. It's a tactic to throw you off and make you think the problem is with you. You'll hear crap like "Well, I was GOING to work on the marriage, but now you've ruined all chance of that!"

The problem is not with you, friend, and you should not believe him when he says otherwise. The problem is that he needs to do certain things to have a good marriage with you, including giving you security, and he is refusing to do that.

Anon, your husband is telling you things to throw you off balance.

He's not leaving. He will use "finding a job" as an excuse to drag this out for as long as you are willing to let it.

He wants to sit on the fence and have his cake and eat it too.

Anon93, PLEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSE take your blinders off!!! I am begging you to take a deep breath and FACE something, anything that is being said to you here. Sticking your head in the sand of denial isn't helping you here!! You are thinking that everyone on your two threads is wrong. They may very well be, (probably not), but you are truly in denial. Don't want to think about it. Don't want it to be a possibility, so it is not! HE SAID he wasn't cheating, so he isn't. Don't want to deal with something this bad, so it isn't true. PROVE these people are wrong Anon93!!! Since when is a cheating husband who is able to eat cake and "enjoy" the perks of an affair while not having to go through the trouble and financial destruction of a divorce EVER going to tell you the truth? Affairs are wrong - they know that. So, even a normally honest guy will LIE THROUGH HIS TEETH to try to keep you right where he wants you to be able to keep doing what he is doing.

It certainly looks like he is having an affair. My husband STILL won't admit to one, so believe me, yours is gonna stick to the story he has created now. But, he effectively got you out of the way so he can do what he wants to do.

People grow apart without having affairs. Some marriages end without affairs. But, that is not the norm. If that were the case, your whole situation, the way you talk to eachother, the things he would say, how he would say them differently, things he would do differently - EVERYTHING would be playing out differently that the way it is.

Buck up missy!!!!!! Face the worst, then prove it wrong. THEN, you will be able to listen to the people here if your marriage is salvagable. You CAN'T get through to him while he is chasing his addiction (his fix) of another woman. If he is having an affair, she is all he thinks about, craves. You are powerless right now against that. That is why you have to snoop, and kill the affair first. THEN, your H will be more receptive.