Wrong I have exposed this to all friends and family. I followed the plan on MB. Letters, FB, calls, Text. She is really pissed I did this.

Last night, she finally told me she wants to legally separate. Needed space. So I told her, if you want to do this you leave the house because I am not leaving the house.

She says, she is going to MC for the kids, not For us.

After we discussed what will happen in a legal separation with my demands. She moves out, take her in-laws, I get M-F with the kids. She says she has to think about it.

I know she hasn't contacted the OM from my logs, spyware,etc
But obviously the fog is still there.

is going to plan B the only way?

I tried to convince her to use MB program (the answer was no)

"Honey, I am committed to saving our marriage and resolving issues that led you to adultery, but know this, if you choose to destroy our family, I will make divorce as miserable for you as possible. Your boyfriend and his wife will be called to court to testify. I will fight for full custody of the the kids. Now, Im focusing on saving our marriage and will continue until its over."

The OM is single but ya I told her, I am going to bankrupt us, if we divorce.

You do have a VAR on you and "on" at all times, right?

yes

I just know its a roller coaster ride now. One day she wants to go, next day she needs to think about it.

I am just following Plan A and not being a doormat about this. I told her if she wants to seperate, then file D. I am not leaving the house and showing my kids who is abandoning them.

Update*

Well WW still thinks about the OM. I asked if she is still thinking about him (of course i know the answer). I am thinking until she can truly cut it off (in her mind), we will be stuck in this pattern (going, not going).

I am continuing with Plan A, however its diffucult when she tells me everything is fake. Tells me, i should of realized all the mistakes i made and changed back then vs changing now. I don't have any excuses why I neglected her needs. I know why and how this happenned and i can only blame myself. But i know i can change myself to be a better person if only she can give me a chance.

She is afraid its too late, not sure if I would revert back to my bad habits. I tried explaining some of my bad habits was in-result to less UA, lack of communication, multiple families living under the same roof. But these are all fixable...I know i can't convince her through "words" but my gut tells me this EA with that OM has taken a huge toll on her, one that she may not let go.

Fog babble.

Fairly common. Stay focused on your plan and she'll see you are for real.

You will want to establish a time frame in which shell need to snap out of her insanity. This date is for you and not to be shared. Maybe after thanksgiving or the new year but you cant be playing second fiddle to some a-hole forever.

Then plan b starts and she will learn what life is like post LS.

But today be all you can be as a great husband.

Mss

Absolutely being the best husband I can be. Only bad thing is, i haveto go on a business trip for a week (mandatory).

My relationship with the in-laws has greatly improved too. I hope by improving my relationships with them (meeting one of her emotional needs) she can see the changes.

I totally agree, i can't play 2nd fiddle to the a-hole forever.

Thank you for the encourging words.

Week long business trip in the middle of withdrawal? Bad, bad news. Can you speak to your employer and tell them what is going on, and tell them you cannot go?

You canNOT 'only blame yourself.' You are responsible for your part in creating a marriage that was susceptible to affairs. SHE is responsible for her choice to have one. She could have come to you, complained to you, sought out marital help in some way, seperated from you, or gone straight to divorce. She chose to have an A instead. That is her choice, not yours.

And always remember that YOU are giving HER a chance, to recover your marriage after her affair. She made the choice do the single most damaging and hurtful thing she could possibly do to your marriage, and YOU have blessed her with the opportunity to recover from that.

Just don't want you to take internal responsibility for this. No matter how many needs you were neglecting, you do not deserve this.

In her fog, she is justified by your mistakes. Do not let her pull you into the fog. There are reasons for affairs, not excuses.

I tried but my employer is the type of person who says. Leave work life stuff at home. Plus they already been pretty good with me having a few days off with this type of shock.

Whatever happens, i need to keep a job to support the 3 boys.

Thanks Unwritten....I feel so much pain and remorse. I feel so bad for everybody who has gone through this, where you love your WW/WH and the other person gives the "Fog" back......

Stop asking this. You've already said you know the answer. And if you're wrong? You've just reminded her of him. Stop it. Don't bring that dirtbag up again. The mention of him soils your marriage.

No, it isn't fake. She's feeling it is unreal, because she is in the fog. Waywards think the fog is real. Keep doing what you're doing. Maintain a very strict UA time - consider it the same as a diabetic needing insulin. Diabetics don't take insulin when they get around to it. They take it because it is their lifeline. You NEED UA time and you have to schedule it as a priority. It is your lifeline.

Update*

WW says she needs to seperate and the more she see's me the more she feels like leaving. I can't find evidence of her contacting the OM. She tells me, she can't force love. She is asking to seperate for 3 months without seeing anybody else. Seperation would be living same household but avoid seeing each other as much as possible but continue therapy.

I know separating is not a good thing but what happens if this might be the only way to save this? Not trying to be a doormat but I want to know if anybody actually went through this and it got better.

She tells me, this would really help her out as her tank is empty and anything I do is not working.

I can continue plan A by forcing it on her with no seperation or lossen the rope.

Based on her personality, she never liked it when people force her to do something.

Just weighing my options. Yes I am also aware that it's the WW speaking but did anybody ever deal with a WW who actually might have a point (I know laughable)

WW also never mentioned D through this whole thing.

Are you posting this just to see who's awake and here on a Friday night?

Let me translate your WW's request:

I have an opportunity to meet a new AP, but need you to be less connected to my actions,
thereby freeing me to chase (and be chased). I cannot afford the problems with a divorce
right now, as that would saddle me with a) your rugrats at least part of the time, and
b) the problem of what to do with my leech-parents. So let's just live separate lives,
you being emasculated and disrespected, and me getting my pipes regularly cleaned.

And you actually come here and ask if this is a good idea?

Have you seen these?
Wayward fog disassembled and decoded
Wayward Fog dissembled and decoded

Well I actually came here to be re-enforced

Thanks NG

This is another version of the old question: "I think my situation is unique and the plans here won't work for me. Should I ignore the proven plans here and try my own plan, suggested by my wayward spouse, and see if it works?"

Honey, your plan is not acceptable. The plan I'm following is going to allow me to forgive you for the past while helping both of us have a future together. This is the only plan. If you chose another plan, you are out of the house and I'm changing the locks. Now lets go have lunch somewhere.

Again, you should have a time fame in mind that this woman comes around or plan b starts.

Life is starting to become too short for this nonsense.