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Yes, Black raven, it does, but there is no real input from the person other than to choose the choices that are listed, so I didn't post that part earlier. After all that info, then they list the Essays. I know it's difficult to understand using this copy/paste format here, but it is the way ChristianMingle is set up. There is also a section of pictures that I have posted of myself and my children. My photos include travel pictures and other fun things that we do together, like going out for pizza.
Last edited by MBSeasons; 10/10/12 07:43 PM. Reason: TMI - please do not post personally identifying information.
lamby
Me...44yr old F; Divorced Feb. 2008
2 boys, 15 and 13
3 girls, 7,9,and 11
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Gotcha. I did match.com for a bit...the set up is similar. You might want to remove your city,state info from your post.  ETA - mods to the rescue 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Lamby As a male CM user I know I appreciate a few paragraphs in the introduction with key turn-ons and turn-offs creatively written. On my ChristianMingle profile, my Introduction line says:
I'm a busy single Mom who loves life. Even with such a full household, there is a part that is missing~ Could it be you? With the way CM has stock answers I would use the intro part. BR is on the right trail and those few paragraphs will either be enough for a male to explore or go away. No sense in wasting time or energy with someone only to find out he has turn-offs or selfish intentions (even on CM lots of predators) right from the start. Examples -Would smoking be all right? -Would drinking be all right? -If they live 150 miles away would you accept that? -Would church attendance rarely be OK for you? -How important is your relationship with God? Kind of places some boundaries out there right up front. For me I appreciate that honesty right out of the gate. I would re-work the intro to include "so to speak" some of the most important beliefs you hold dear and also let it be known from the start definate turn-offs. No need to write a book but just the most important items in a creative way. I know I personally do not respond when I see I may fall into a turn-off category. Could be as simple as not being tall enough or have a professional degree. No sense in me trying to fit a square peg into a round hole or pretend I am something I am not. If I fall into a turn-off category then why persue? BTW-You have beautiful children. Best of luck. nESRE
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Let's keep everybody safe.
mbseasons@aol.com
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No need to write a book but just the most important items in a creative way. x 2 Everyone is different but I am turned off when people write a book or give a detailed resume...TMI IMO. Be creative with your profile. I also had a set of 'rules' and would pass on a male who was in violation of them. For example, shirtless bathroom mirror pics...PASS; his age range of interest is women ages 18-50...PASS; usernames like hotdaddy4u or squirtboy...PASS x10; distance has to be 20 miles or less from me...relationships are hard enough, I'm not interested in driving long distance to date someone no matter how much I like his profile. Like nesre said, look at your boundaries...what are deal breakers and what would you be flexible on? Lots of weirdos out there so play it safe. I don't even post pics with my children.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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MB Seasons
Not going any further here in any direction except to help if possible.
nESRE
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nesre...
Are you **edit**? If so, that is interesting since my step-kids live in **edit**
Also, in my searches, I always look for 1)Someone with a photo, 2)Some smoking is ok, but not real happy about it, 3)Yes, distance is ok. I'm willing to move to be in the right relationship. 4)Rare drinking is ok, but no drunkeness ever, 5)I have gone through times when my church attendance is not what it should be, so although I prefer to be with someone whose attendance is often if not always... These are the major hits for me.
Last edited by MBLBanker; 10/10/12 08:49 PM. Reason: Please do not post personal identifying information.
lamby
Me...44yr old F; Divorced Feb. 2008
2 boys, 15 and 13
3 girls, 7,9,and 11
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Lamby
Please edit out the username and city please.
Put those thoughts into a creative form so people viewing your profile will know what your boundaries are. Get a quick idea of who you are and what you stand for.
nESRE
M 29 yrs
DS 28 DD 18
Me 53 FWH FBS
MTA signed 5/11/2011
D final 5/16/2011
Free.... and going wherever the big guy wants me to go......
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nERSE, a) I'm not creative. I'm analytical... b) I cannot edit my username. I would have to create a whole new profile and CM will not transfer payment to a new profile.
Any suggestions to help my introduction on CM would be wonderful!
lamby
Me...44yr old F; Divorced Feb. 2008
2 boys, 15 and 13
3 girls, 7,9,and 11
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nERSE, a) I'm not creative. I'm analytical... b) I cannot edit my username. I would have to create a whole new profile and CM will not transfer payment to a new profile.
Any suggestions to help my introduction on CM would be wonderful! Lamby I meant my info you used in your post. MBL already edited it out. You could write your intro and post it here. I am sure posters would help you to tweek it. Don't use identifying info though if you post it here. Another way would be to read some of the other females intros on CM. I believe you can copy and paste into a word document where you could tweek it the way you want it to be specific to you. Take some time and search a little to see what you come up with. nESRE
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I tried to register on CM.
Most of the pics I have are racing pics. And I run with my shirt off.
LOL. All pictures were denied/ rejected.
Lately I've decided I don't want to date at this time anyways
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Thanks for the feed-back, Living Well and Black Raven! I thought folks had given up on this thread. On my ChristianMingle profile, my Introduction line says: I'm a busy single Mom who loves life. Even with such a full household, there is a part that is missing~ Could it be you? Then, on the Essays section, I wrote: ESSAYS What I'd like to do on a first date... Anything that allows us to spend time together to talk and get aquainted is nice. I just want to spend time together. My past relationships have taught me... No matter what the outcome, love is always worth the risk. To me, being a Christian means... Being in the world but not being "of the world". I'm far from perfect, but I do my best to live my life for God and not to please others. I have always looked for God's direction in my life and in my relationships. I've been a Christian for ... All my life. In five years, I see myself I am currently working in the laboratory in a large hospital. It is very busy and stressful work at times, but I enjoy it. I am also working on my master's degree. My goal is get my phD in Clinical Psychology and work with autistic and other special needs children. My favorite Bible passage is... Romans 8:28-39 It discusses the depth of God's love for us. ______________________________________________________________ I have photos of myself and my children. I am very open about who I am... Is there something about my profile that is a turn-off besides the number of children I have? In my profile (on the CM and match.com (I didn't pay and lost interest) I also mentioned that I like the concepts in His needs Her needs book for relationships
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I sent another email to the radio show, and hopefully we'll hear something. In the meantime, is anyone up for more discussion? I read this in Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders last night (this is from Energy Level in the section on the 5 tests for compatibility): Since leisure activities and sex are two of the best ways to enjoy time together after marriage, incompatibility in these areas can make it very difficult for a couple to create a fulfilling and permanent romantic relationship. It's clear that Dr. Harley says leisure activities and sex are important in marriage. What's not clear is whether or not he advocates sex before marriage. Those who favor waiting for marriage to have sex may focus on the phrase " after marriage" to argue their point. Those who don't may say that because Dr. Harley says incompatibilty in leisure activities or sex can be problematic in a marriage, it's a good idea to test compatibility in those areas before marriage. I find myself somewhere in the middle. I personally don't think I would need to test sexual compatibility before getting married. If I had a strong enough emotional bond with a woman and all other indicators for a successful marriage were positive (including extroardinary care and radical honesty), I think sexual compatibility would be guaranteed. If I was in love with such a woman and she wanted to wait, I would have no problem with that, as long as the engagement period was short! But just because I think sexual compatibility would be guaranteed, doesn't mean I couldn't enjoy sex before marriage. I think the symbiotic nature between emotional bonding and sexual bonding is a beautiful thing and can enhance a relationship even before marriage. Not to mention the mutual pleasure to be derived by both partners. The question in my mind is when in a relationship would I feel comfortable taking it to the physical level. I like the increase in emotional bonding that comes from physical bonding. But if experienced too early, the emotional bonding can become so strong that red flags in the relationship might be missed, and I want to avoid that. Thoughts? (I also want to avoid a discussion of the morality of sex before marriage; I think that horse has been beat to death earlier on this thread ) Dr Harley answered your email on today's radio show
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Dr Harley answered your email on today's radio show Thanks! I heard it this morning. And thank you BrainHurts for suggesting I re-send the email; I was surprised at the quick turn-around. When a link is available, perhaps BrainHurts or someone else can post it for everyone's benefit. For the record, here's the email I sent: Hi Dr. & Joyce Harley, several posters and I were having an interesting discussion on the After Divorce: Dating and Relationships forum on your website concerning premarital sex, and we were wondering what your views on the subject are. Several people felt that sex should be reserved exclusively for marriage, while others felt that evaluating sexual compatibility before marriage is a good idea. Much of the debate devolved into an argument over moral values.
I and a few other posters are wondering if there are statistics that show a correlation, either positive or negative, between premarital sex and subsequent marital satisfaction similar to the negative correlation you have presented between living together before marriage and subsequent marital success.
In your book Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders (near the bottom of p. 34 in my copy), you state "Since leisure activities and sex are two of the best ways to enjoy time together after marriage, incompatibility in these areas can make it very difficult for a couple to create a fulfilling and permanent romantic relationship."
It seems from that statement that because leisure activities and sex are important in marriage, incompatibility in those two areas should be determined prior to marriage. But several posters on the forum feel that you do not advocate premarital sex.
Many posters and I are anxious to hear your views on this topic. Thank you in advance for answering this question on your radio show. Here's what I got out of Dr. Harley's response: - The issue of pre-marital sex is multi-faceted.
- The argument for testing sexual compatibility before marriage is similar to the argument for living together before marriage:
- It involves getting to know each other at an intimate level.
- It's a trial-run without a commitment.
- Dr. Harley doesn't know of any published articles showing negative effects on marriage of pre-marital sex.
- A potential problem with pre-marital sex without commitment is that one or both partners can have sex with other people, a pattern that can carry over into marriage.
- An upside to pre-marital sex is an answer to the question: are we compatible?
- Examples of incompatibility: no interest in sex, vaginismus
- Can be overcome through education and medication
- Dr. Harley's bias towards avoiding pre-marital is based on biblical beliefs.
- From a practical point of view, avoiding pre-marital sex eliminates problems of pregnancy, STDs, and resentment (due to probability of partners having previous sexual experiences)
- From experience with counseling, couples who avoided pre-marital sex have fewer problems in their sex lives after marriage.
- As with living together before marriage,
- You don't really get to know each other's sexual compatibility.
- Often, one year after marriage, couples who had pre-marital sex are not having sex.
To me, the most significant thing to think about is the similarity between test-driving sex and living together before marriage. That does seem like a valid point; on the other hand, the absence of published literature supporting his view casts some doubt. I don't understand Dr. Harley's statement that in test-driving sexual compatibility, you don't really get to know each other's compatibility. I'll have to re-read part of Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders to possibly understand his point. This was an interesting discussion to listen to and will keep me thinking about this topic for a while.
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You don't really get to know each other's sexual compatibility.
Often, one year after marriage, couples who had pre-marital sex are not having sex. I don't quite get the first either and disagree with Dr H. I also think the second depends on a lot of other factors. I don't know any couples (who engaged in pre-marital sex) who stopped having sex after the first yr of marriage either. At the end of the day, it's a personal choice. I don't see myself getting married anytime soon but I also don't see myself being a nun for years either. I'm not a big fan of scientific studies any way lol.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Very interesting. Thank you for sending this question in. I will listen to the clip the next chance i have.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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You don't really get to know each other's sexual compatibility.
Often, one year after marriage, couples who had pre-marital sex are not having sex. I don't quite get the first either and disagree with Dr H. I also think the second depends on a lot of other factors. I don't know any couples (who engaged in pre-marital sex) who stopped having sex after the first yr of marriage either. At the end of the day, it's a personal choice. I don't see myself getting married anytime soon but I also don't see myself being a nun for years either. I'm not a big fan of scientific studies any way lol. I know of a couple that went to a basically sexless marriage after the first year. And a lot of premarital sex LOL.
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We had pre-marital sex and he lost interest about a year after marriage.
We did have very different energy levels, but that didn't affect sex until after marriage.
And I didn't tell very many people!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I know of a couple that went to a basically sexless marriage after the first year.
And a lot of premarital sex LOL. We had pre-marital sex and he lost interest about a year after marriage. These are very intriguing statements. MelodyLane had posted something along these lines on this thread but apparently retracted her post because it's not here anymore. Something about hundreds or thousands of cases like this showing up on the MB 101 forum. Very interesting. I wonder what causes that? (Loss of interest in sex after marriage if pre-marital sex occurred.)
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I don't have moral reasons for avoiding pre-marital sex, but practical reasons do interest me, and the potential for loss of sex drive after marriage is a very practical one! And so is Dr. Harley's experience that couples who avoid pre-marital sex have fewer problems with their sex life after marriage.
Let's say I buy into the belief that sex should be reserved for marriage. What do I do in the interim if I'm attracted to a woman on many levels (intellectual, emotional, etc.), including the physical level. If I'm in love with her, there's going to come a point where I want to make love with her.
I'm not talking about wanting to have sex with her in order to satisfy my sexual appetite (or as MelodyLane phrased it, I'm not talking about having her "put out" for me.) I'm talking about the mutual expression of love for each other in the physical dimension. That's a natural response to a loving relationship whether married or not. If a couple both feel that way about each other but are not ready to get married, what can they do to resist nature?
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