I've had a lengthy post going over in SAA (here) , but it seems the inevitable is upon us.

My WW has been involved in a 2mo+ affair and refuses to stop. We have been married for 4 years and together 12. We have a DD who is almost 4. I am a SAHD and have been since our DD was born.

My WW has been pushing to get D and has even gone to one of the do-it-yourself places to find out about getting started with it.

I want to file first so I have more control over how things go. My WW is assuming she is going to get primary custody and we will essentially split the time with DD evenly. However she also thinks that I will be the one to pay child support.

My WW has been involved with this POS who like to drink, and now she's taken up his pasttime as well, granted it's not done at home. But WW is also almost never home any more. She works full time, but is rarely home and constantly going out. When she is home, she is usually locked away in the bedroom and glued to her phone (texting). She skips bedtime routine and generally spending any time with either of us.

I contacted a lawyer, but they want a $2500 retainer and $250 an hour. I have zero money, so I don't see how I can get legal representation.

Sooo, my question is, what do I do from here? I have an appointment next week with a facilitator, but I was told they basically only check over your papers and tell you how things will go.

So I'm starting to work on figuring out which papers to fill out. I'd like to know from those that have been there what am I going after? Should I fill out the Filing a Motion for Emergency Orders for Dissolution Cases and Custody Decree or Parenting Plan Modifications of Dissolution Cases in addition to the Dissolution papers? Or does my sitch not warrant the emergency process and I should just use the Temporary orders that will allow both parties a chance at the hearing?

I don't want my DD around this POS at all, and my WW is continuing her A while we still live together and it is very hard.

I just don't know what to do here.

First of all, it's unlikely that you will be paying child support when YOU have been the SAHD.

Note everything. When she arrives, when she leaves, what she does while she's at home. Also try and get as much information as possible on the OM and if he has a record, and the details of that record if he has one. IE if he has DUIs get the record on that.

The vets can figure something out on the law front, I'm not sure about that bit.

Also, I just spoke with someone at the County ProBono organization and she stated in WA state, there is no difference between who files first. FWIW.

IANAL, but generally the one who files first has more opportunity to delay or what-have-you as they started it. But it may be different in your state.

That is what they told me in NY too. The truth is somewhat different. The person who files gets to control the timetable. That's how mine lasted 4 years.

By the way, she will not be able to do a do it yourself divorce. They only allow those in cases where there are no minor children. She may be bluffing.

She has the right to represent herself.

In your case I suggest you call legal Aid and ask if they will assist.
Do you have ANY relative that can pay the lawyer?
Do you have a joint account? Can you get the money from anywhere?
Have an initial consult and ask if they can file a motion to have ww pay your legal fees.

I doubt an emergency order would have any basis. You need to be in imminent danger.
You need to file for divorce and temporary order for child support, spousal support, legal fees and exclusive use of residence and a vehicle.

That's not necessarily true. I successfully filed pro se and did quite well despite having three minor children. Total cost was $185 for court costs. All paperwork was found online. Just depends on how much leg work and research you want to do. Like HDW said, everyone has the right to represent themselves if they so choose. That said, it is not for everyone. I concur, the best way forward is to find the money somewhere and file immediately.

Wow, impressive and I stand corrected :-)

How often is she out of the home now?

How are you conversing with her?
You quit posting updates. Are you still doin an active plan A?

There is no money for me to get legal representation (nor her for that matter), but I do have an appointment with a facilitator and a week later an appointment with an organization that offers free legal advice from volunteer lawyers. Some of them do take on cases pro-bono, but this is at their discretion and there is no guarantee they will take on any one case.

I've compiled all the paperwork necessary and am starting to get things filled out to the best of my ability. The facilitator will look over the docs and help out as well as explain the process. I will also have the volunteer lawyer look over them and guide me on what I should be doing and going after.

HDW, I'll post an update to the SAA thread.

Can you please just visit an atty?
The initial consultations are usually free.

The court can order her to pay your legal fees