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#2673666 10/12/12 04:41 PM
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Here's the deal. I have been married to my wife for 7 years now. I have currently been serving in the military for 6 years. Just recently my wife approached me and told me that she had recieved a letter in the mail. The letter pretty much said that someone I have known for 4 years has been sleeping with my wife for 3 of them. It said that it was my fault for not knowing what she has been doing. I asked to see the letter and she told me that she was so upset about it that she ripped it up and threw it out the car window. 1 week later I recieve a letter at my place of work. It was the same letter she was describing to me. Note she said that it was completely false and that she is completely faithful to me. Well anyways I read the letter myself. The letter was typed and even the address and on the envelope was typed which was a false address and name as well. I thought I would be smart and take it to OSI and have them fingerprint it, but they could not do it because it was not threatning. With that being said I doubted my marriage for the first time in 7 years. I have been thinking of all kinds of scenarios as well. Such as did she tell me she got the letter in the mail "the one I did not see" knowing that one was going to be sent to my work. This way I would have already of known and her defence was already set. I have also thought of scenarios on her part, I know she has some enemies here on base. Would people stoop that low to hurt someone though. With all this being said I'm kind of at a brickwall. I dont want to start snooping, but this has raised concerns. I feel that if I start not trusting then the letter if it was meant to hurt us would have done its job. PLS HELP.

PS. Please mind the Grammer, spelling, and punctuation. I was in a hurry.

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Originally Posted By: josh1234
I dont want to start snooping, but this has raised concerns


This is the problem. If you had been snooping occasionally, you wouldn't be sitting here wondering because you would KNOW. And if there IS an affair, you could have put a stop to it a long time ago.

I would just throw the letter in a drawer, put on your James Bond cap and start quietly snooping. Hire a PI, do what you need to do. Get the evidence and THEN come back here. But don't let onto to either of them that you have any suspicions.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: josh1234
I dont want to start snooping, but this has raised concerns


This is the problem. If you had been snooping occasionally, you wouldn't be sitting here wondering because you would KNOW. And if there IS an affair, you could have put a stop to it a long time ago.

I would just throw the letter in a drawer, put on your James Bond cap and start quietly snooping. Hire a PI, do what you need to do. Get the evidence and THEN come back here. But don't let onto to either of them that you have any suspicions.


QUoted for truth!

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Josh,

Has your W showed any of the classic signs of cheating on you, loss of attraction for you, wearing nicer/sexier clothing/underwear, distant from you, very protective of her cell phone/laptop? Other signs?

God Bless
Gamma

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Hi, Josh. Welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here.

I'm afraid there is no way to know the truth other than to find out for yourself, and I think you should really do that. Once you find out, come back here, and we can help support you and help you decide what direction to go next.

While it's entirely possible that somebody simply hates you/your wife and wanted to cause trouble, this is also exactly the kind of thing that someone might do if they were in an affair and caught wind that somebody was going to expose them.

Keep quiet and do not alert your wife to the fact that you are looking for the truth. If something is going on, you don't want her to cover any more tracks: you want to find them! If nothing is going on, then in the end she will be glad that you can trust her again. If something is going on, she will likely explode and try to deflect attention from herself with some big attack on you like "You don't trust me!" or whatever. If this happens, it's a big sign that something is up. In that case, keep your cool, don't fight with her, come back here and let us help you make a plan.

There are many people here who have discovered their wife or husband in an affair, managed to help hasten the demise of the affair, and then gone on to rebuild their marriage better than before. So take heart: if you discover the worst news possible, you are in absolutely the best place possible to fix it.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Did the letter name an OM or give you any details to go on?

t/j I hope any lurkers who are considering exposure to a BS, see why you should give a name/contact info or at the very least provide some verifiable details vs this sort of anonymous stuff.

Start snooping, josh.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Please put keyloggers and spyware on her computer and phone.
Snooping:Is it wrong? Or, is it the right thing to do in your marriage?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: black_raven
Did the letter name an OM or give you any details to go on?

t/j I hope any lurkers who are considering exposure to a BS, see why you should give a name/contact info or at the very least provide some verifiable details vs this sort of anonymous stuff.



Exactamundo! This is exactly why one should never do an anonymous exposure.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: josh1234
The letter was typed and even the address and on the envelope was typed which was a false address and name as well.


NO name and no address would have made it an "anonymous" tip.

A FALSE name and address suggests to me however that someone just wants to cause trouble.

I'm with the others though. Put it in a drawer, then start quietly snooping.


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Welcome to Marriage Builders, josh.

It's unlikely that someone is out to get you or your wife by claiming that your wife has been unfaithful.

It's more likely that someone who is fond of you is so offended by your wife's actions that they need to let you know what she's up to. They just don't want to get involved.

Assume there is an affair.

What do you mean, you "don't want to start snooping"?? Are you kidding me?? YES, you need to start snooping!


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Quote:
A FALSE name and address suggests to me however that someone just wants to cause trouble.

No. Assuming this could be a fatal mistake. Someone wants our poster to know what his wife is doing, but doesn't want to get involved.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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If they just wanted to cause trouble it might have stopped with just the first letter (and even that's not a guarantee of just wanting trouble). Two letters shows a clear intent of wanting to help but not wanting to get involved.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Originally Posted By: ManInMotion
A FALSE name and address suggests to me however that someone just wants to cause trouble.


Why? What would the motive be?

The only motive I can think of for someone to cause trouble is "Jealous/stalking former (or current) lover."

People typically don't pick a random name out of the phone book and go after them like in The Jerk with Steve Martin.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted By: karmasrose
Two letters shows a clear intent of wanting to help but not wanting to get involved.


We have no evidence that there were two letters. Only the wife's story, and she is suspect.

Sadly, the most likely explanation is that somebody tipped her off that they were going to expose her by letter if she did not tell the truth, so she immediately tried to spin the story before it happened. I hope this is not the case, but it is the most likely explanation.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Agree. Either way, she's been busted, and she knows it. She's figuring out her "spin" in order to avoid the unpleasantness of exposure.

Nice try. I hope it doesn't work.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted By: josh1234
Just recently my wife approached me and told me that she had recieved a letter in the mail. The letter pretty much said that someone I have known for 4 years has been sleeping with my wife for 3 of them.


Why would anyone send HER a letter saying this? Her story does not make sense. If somebody wanted to blackmail her, they would have sent her a different message with demands or threats. If somebody wanted to expose an affair, they would've told people who do not know, not sent a letter to people who already know.

Quote:
It said that it was my fault for not knowing what she has been doing. I asked to see the letter and she told me that she was so upset about it that she ripped it up and threw it out the car window.


This sounds like a cover story to hide the fact that she never really received a letter. It doesn't make sense for anyone to send her this letter, even if the letter is not true.

Again, keep quiet (don't tip her off that you are investigating) and start investigating.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Shady story by your wife. It actually does point to her being in an affair and having been warned about it being exposed.

We are sorry you are having your rose colored glasses jostled.







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Josh,
You have to act VERY fast. If someone (for example the OM's wife) warned her that she would be exposed then she is deleting all evidence right now. Start by looking at her cell phone account !


Me: BW, 41
WH: 46
Married 7 years, together 12
DD: 5
OW: 39
D-Day: 11 April
Plan B since 10/3/12
Divorced 11/12

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