Hey Mb gang

Really need all your help for my friend who recently discovered husband No2 sexting another woman.

I have directed her to MB and together we did nuclear exposure to all friends and family of both the OW and WH. However I can't get het to be brave enough to post here herself.
She has read Mb and knows how successful it was in my marriage and has even quoted dr H view on exposure whe she exposed on her FB and her friends and family shunned her and criticised her telling her that such matters should be kept private.

I will refer to her as JJ (people familiar with my thread will have seen me refer to her first husband story on here).

First marriage lasted 12 years they had 2 kids, her first H was wayward and suffered from bipolar which is the only reason why she put up with his first two PAs. He then had a 3rd PA with one of her close friends. This was the final straw and they separated for good. WH1 is now literally living on the streets as homeless and has done so for the past 4 years I occasionally see him around our town and he is a shell of what he used to be has no contact with JJ or his children. Due to his homeless status the D took 1 year to come through. JJ met WH2 after the D was final.

JJ met WH2 through work training he lived 300 miles away from our town. They married last summer and JJ relocated with the kids to his home town 1 year before the wedding.

WH2 has been wihtdraing affection from JJ since just before the wedding and they have Not been intimate for 10 months. JJ put this to him having issues possibly with ED however she snooped last week and found filthy sexting between her WH and another woman who he knew when he worked at a leisure resort 200 miles away before he met JJ.

JJ confronted WH who blamed it all on her gaslighting and very entitled behaviour and mind set. I encouraged her to expose. Together we did MB exposure on FB to her friends and family and all his friends and family. Exposure worked he gave up the OW and snooping is in place to ensure this NC stays. For some reason JJ resisted the NC letter I suggested and they settled on a much ruder version together.

I was disappointed that all her friends and family were united in criticising her decision to expose and some have rudely told her to heep her problems with her WH private. I did reply to these morons and shut them up for now but they have worn her down and now she has forgiven him without EPs or a plan.

I am posting in the hope she will read the replyed and join in. DD was 1 week ago the affair has been going on since before the wedding so over a year. As the OW lives 200 miles away JJ believes it is an EA only. I on the other hand am unsure.

Welcome JJ. You have a good friend in NB.

Was the OW married?

Will he take a poly?

Has he given a list of EPs?

Sorry for your pain. How are you? Eating? Sleeping? Exercising?

Your friend isn't posting NB because she knows she will get told to do the plan in full and she doesn't want to. She wants to do the pick'n'mix plan which never works.

Its her choice, though.

Keep doing what you're doing and wait for the derailed train to crash spectacularly as it no doubt will do.

When it does, suggest the forums again and doing MB in full.

You can't do this for her.

JJ, welcome to MB, even though I'm sure you'd rather not need to be here.

Adding to BH's list, I have some questions:

Was your WH previously married? If so, what was the reason for that dissolution? (Don't take HIS word for it; do some snooping!)

Do you (and he) now understand that he has basically forfeited any claim to "privacy" from you? Have you put a keylogger on his computer, and tracking software on his phone? Do you examine the cell bills each month?

Listen to NB, friend, and read the articles here.

You and WH must start a practice of 15 - 20 hours of UA time each week, regardless of job requirements.

The two of you should complete the EN questionnaires, so you can become more attuned to each other's needs.

I have really tried my best. I posted this spoke to JJ on the phone told her I posted this for her and sent her the direct link.

Unfortunately indie has got the gist of what's going on but wanted JJ to get a plan as she has read MB articles.

NG JJ is scared of asking her WH for full access to everything. Tried to explain the importance but was met with the usual BS fog.

This is the first marriage for the WH although he has children by another lady. He isn't the paternal type though. His relationship with the children's mother ended because she was wayward.

JJ, great job exposing! You dealt a lethal blow to their unholy alliance.

But you can't stop there. EPs need to be put in place to be sure the affair does not resume, or so he doesn't begin an affair with someone else.

You don't ask WH for full access to everything. You tell him that you require complete openness to know that you are safe. He really has no choice in this, if he wishes to remain in the marriage.

He's not driving the bus, JJ. YOU are. Tell him what your requirements are for remaining in the marriage, for example:

1. He changes his cell phone number.
2. You have all of his passwords.
3. Polygraph to confirm his honesty.
4. 25 hours minimum of UA time each week.
5. Work the MB Plan to restore your marriage.
6. Is he on Facebook? He needs to cancel his account and delete his page.

JJ, you can't just work part of the program. Exposure is huge, but not enough to recover the marriage. You and your WH need to work this program in order to affair-proof your marriage going forward. Stopping at this point will leave your marriage vulnerable to resumption of the affair or another affair.

welcome JJ. congratulations on your exposure; we all know how very hard that step is. however, i'm concerned that you're throwing away the fruit of that battle when you haven't yet won the war. you simply must follow ALL the steps for this to work. you do want it to work?

being afraid to speak to your WH about EPs/ENs/etc is a big