I have decided that I will try to get my wife to sit down with me this weekend. I want to tell her that she has my love and support. I want to tell her that I hope our home is a haven for her. I want to tell her that I will not bother her, nor will I pressure her. I will only do things with her if she calls and asks me. I am willing to help her any way I can, and want her to know that. I want her to know how much she means to me and that I love her with all of my heart. <P>I want her to know that I will wait for her decision, and will not ask about it nor ask her when she will decide. I am leaving it up to God and up to her. I want her to know that I know I have no possible control over the situation, and I am praying for her. <P>I will not make any demands. I will not approach a Love Buster. I also will stand strong for myself, smile and be kind. I will not mention her promises or our agreements unless she (a.) mentions them (b.)wants to discuss them (c.) or there is a problem.<P>I have found that I do not want to totally cut myself off from her until she makes a decision, since she tells me that she doesn't know what she wants me to do. I want to show her I am strong (which I feel stronger) and that I love her. I also want her to know what she decides is what she decides; I cannot control the situation or force her to come back to me. If I try to remind her of her responsibilities, or remind her of her past love for me, she shuts down. So I will not do that.<P>What does anyone think? I will check in an hour, and again in an hour after that. I appreciate any suggestions, and if anyone feels that I am making a mistake, please don't hesitate to tell me.<P>Thank You!<BR>Joe

JoeJohn -- Sounds like a good plan based on how you feel. However, I should warn you, you might have to be prepared to wait a long time. From time-to-time do a self-evaluation to check in with how you feel based on what progress is made(or lack of progress). By being strong and providing any support she wants, you are maximizing the chances that she will decide in favor of you...

Sounds like a well-thought out plan.<P>Have you gotten Love Must BeTough yet? It helps with the "what to say" and "How to act" part of this Tough love thing.<P>Be strong and gentle, you'll be o.k..<P>Liz<P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR>

True by the book Harley!<P>You are very commended for all you've said and are doing. I don't know how long this has been going on (the affair I mean) but you are handling it the best possible way.<P>Now the bad news... it could take a lot longer... buckle down for the long haul... she could get uglier (my wife has)... you will feel more hurt and have many low points as time goes on!<P>Now the good news...<BR>We are all praying for you and your family.<BR>We will continue to pray for you and your family.<BR>We are here for as much support as you need.<BR>You are loved !<BR>You are loved !<BR>You are loved !<P>I am not ashamed to ever say it...<BR>You are loved !<P>Jim

Thank you for your support, opinions and sharing. I especially thank you for your prayers. I feel that the Lord led me to this site. I was looking at Divorce sites on the web and feeling depressed. I was hoping some might have links toward reconciliation. Then I thought I had the bright idea to look up "infidelity" but know that it was God.<P>Heartpain - I will do self evaluations. I know that this may take a long time, and I am preparing myself for that possibility. I don't look forward to that, but I realize that it cannot be rushed, and that God has a plan and timetable that I cannot fathom. I must place my faith and trust in him. Thank you for reminding me that it may take time. I need to be reminded of that, because I know my fervent hope is that it will happen quickly.<P>Liz - I plan on buying that book on Friday. I have no money right now, and get paid on Friday. I also hope to buy Dr. Harley's book, and maybe one other. I must be careful and limit myself, because I am on a budget! I am also reading some books my pastor gave me and reading the Bible.<P>NSR - the affair has been almost two months. My W told me about it on October 7. It has been continuing since then. I am working toward accepting and taking care of myself and our children (a daughter who will be two in 10 days! And a son who is turning seven months in three days!) As I said earlier, I realize that it may take time, but I am willing to put in that time. I don't know how hard it will be. I am scared by it. But, I know that in my weaknesses the Lord gives me strength. I will heavily lean on the support of my family, friends, therapist, church and pastor and you kind people. I thank you so much for your prayers, and appreciate that I am loved! I love all of you as well, because you have been so helpful and important to me. I pray for all of us, that our adversities can be lifted and that we are on the right path with God.<P>Joe<P>

JJ - I respect your plan of action and hope it works for you. Similarly, my H (the betrayer) has agreed to give me space, time, the house and not really press the issue of when and how to rebuild a life. I appreciate all the time I have to work out my thoughts. Hope your wife does to. I also understand that it might take a long time. We are separated and I even filed for divorce -- a situation I truly don't want but feel might be best. The ow is pregnant and dealing with that in my future is huge. Anyway, not about me right now. Just to say good luck to you. Sounds like you are in a good head place with your thoughts. At least to me.