Sack,

The chickens are coming home to roost. Be patient, my friend. It sucks. It�s stressful. It�s likely going to go your way. Keep the faith. A MINIMUM of 50/50 is your goal. If you get that, consider it a win and walk away.

More is gravy, but her words regarding her concerns about things said about your WW bode well for you.

Be the calm reasonable nice guy. Always wear a suit or nice attire when meeting any of these people from the court system. Every meeting is an interview. Be the better choice for them. Also emphasize that you�d like the kids to have a good relationship with their mother and that you wouldn�t do this in reverse.

Good job!

Today, maybe I'll have some answers........

Going in front of the Judge today.

Praying for you. Let us know how it goes.

Any update?

Updates....... *sigh*

Well, where do I start?

May 10th was my motion for my house and custody. The judge didn't want to remove her and give me custody because the FAME report was due in two weeks. I gave up on my house, and was ordered to pay child support. $640 a month. I quit paying my mortgage because there's no hope for me to get back into it. Also, the PPO was reduced to a "civil" PPO where I'm now allowed to contact her through text.

Today, court again. I'm being railroaded all the way around. My lawyer sucks, I'm broke, now homeless, and just was ordered to pay $4,800 in lawyer fees to HER lawyer. And if I don't, I go to jail. They also attached my only hope in life, my dad's estate for 22k. I can't win, losing faith, and hope. Life will never be the same again. I'm now 180k in debt, don't know which way to look, and am about to have a nervous breakdown.

I thank everyone here for their support, advise, friendship, praise. I've given this all I got. I'm broke, can't hire a new lawyer, don't have a cent to my name anymore, and am finding out all this stress is realing taking a toll on me. I went to the doctors to get checked out for STD's and whatever else. My blood pressure was 150/100 and they put me on medication. Went back yesterday, found out everything is fine, and told them that I experienced some chest pains earlier in the week. They ran an EKG on me, and right away scheduled an appt with a cardiologist. I'm scared, tired, broke, homeless, and being f*ckd with no vaseline. I didn't do anything to deserve any of this.

My advise to the world, NEVER GET MARRIED.........

Sack,
Hang in there, all you can do is breathe through this right now........one foot in front of the other for now, go hour by hour........
Can you go and hang out with some family for a while.......just for a few days to get your head together........
Life really sucks sometimes by as bleak as it looks another door will open when you least expect it, and remember God is there with you riding this storm.......
Right now make sure your health is okay and then try to remove yourself from the stress that is happening right now, you can't change what has happened........
but you can put a plan together to start again, brush yourself off and put your thinking cap on.............
sometimes i feel the same way about getting married but I never let it stop me from living the best life I can given the situations that I deal with........
jessi........hugs...

Sack,

Do not give up. Whatever you do. My advice is to find a way to get somebody to loan you $. FIRE that damn attorney and get one who is PRO FATHERS' RIGHTS. There are many out there. In fact, getting such a s*rewing from your attorney, I'd sue your attorney for malpractice.

But that's me.

I'd not give up yet. I think you were given a raw deal and you need to maybe also have that new pro dad attorney get another judge to hear your case.

It's not over yet. Just right now, surround yourself with those who love you, your friends and family and take good care of yourself. Trust me I know stress. My dealings with darth (my xwh and a mb all time bad wayward) caused me to have to deal with stress induced hypertension too. You know, this needs to also be legally documented as a form of mental abuse and trauma. Your new lawyer should say that your ww has caused you physical harm by doing such outrageous stunts.

I wish you peace, love, and in a few days the wind to find its' way back to your sails. God is with you! Don't react against them, find a way to ACT against them. Hugs.

Sack,

When I do get on here your's is one of the stories that I follow. I am very sorry to learn about what has happened with you lately.

I only have to second peachy and others' comments to you about just trying to gather your family, friends and any others who can support you in this around you for help at this time and to emotionally try to regroup.

I feel that you are being overwhelmed at this time as a result of not having adequate legal rep. and the court, at probably the insistance of her lawyer, throwing that old kitchen sink at you. I am NOT an attorney, but I would doubt very much if you would go to jail for not being able to pay her attorney that $4,800. I think we did away with debtor prison sentence in this country long ago. The child support I am sure that you are going to have to begin paying immediately and keep current. Where was your attorney during all of this time? And, I do feel they did railroad you on attaching your dad's estate for this. I don't understand this becaue that does not seem like marital property that should be involved.

All I can say right now is just a few things. I think you need specific expert advisement from someone close to you, whoever that may be. At this point I feel you need to protect your job at all costs. That alone would be one of my top priorities. Obviously, it seems you do not have much in way of visitation with your kids at this time since you don't have a permanent residence. Where are you staying? So, attempting to protect your kids at this particular time may be out of your reach. Do you have a priest or minister who can help chaperone you thru this? And then, have you looked into your local county resources (I know most have been severly cut back) for any available aid? But, the most important thing right now is admitting you may need your family and/or friends to offer you as much of any support as they can. It just seems you have been trying to go this alone for too long.

Just start regrouping as much as you can, and you will have many prayers from me on your behalf.

Tom

Sack, I just still thinking about you had another thought.

But first, it sort of bothered me that you said you 'gave up on your house' because the judge didn't want to remove her. If you are current in your mortgage, then why do that, unless you need immediate cash? You could attempt to work something out with your lender so that your cessation of payments doesn't roll into delinquency and foreclosure. It seems that maybe you are doing this out of spite because she can still live there, but that will only add to your financial woes and be a negative to that judge if your wife brings that up.

However, at this point have you considered filing bankruptcy? I don't know how that would or if it would affect the CS obligation, but it probably would affect any settlement of attorny fees and other obligations. It is not an attractive option I admit, but it might be a way of helping to protect your health. Financial stress can be powerfully destructive. And, there is opportunity to recover after such a declaration. Just my additional thought as an option.

Tom

Update........

Well, this past Friday, went to court to hear the recommendation of the custody report. *sigh*

In the report, WW lied her @ss off. Said I went to the bars every night, coming home drunk, when in fact I think I've been to the bar only 3 times during our marriage and it was with her after my work's xmas party. She also said she's never done drugs, and the time she was hospitalized for suicide attempt was because she grabbed the knife to slice my tires. Anyway, the courts took her side, and awarded her physical custody. I looked at my attorney with tears in my eyes and said, "I want this over with! There's no way I'm gonna win a thing.". He said, "you want this over, we can do this today". I said DO IT!

I gave up my house, all my 401k money ($13k), have to pay her $3200 in back child support in increments of $10 a week. Its over, my life isn't in limbo no more. Now I can move on.

Now I have to focus on myself. I'm broke. $16k In lawyer fees. She won. All my hard work working 60-72 hrs a week for all them years, stacking money for retirement, beautiful house, my kids, and now my life sucks.

Thank you to everyone here that has posted, gave me support, guided me. I know none of you by face or voice, but I feel a connection with all of you. I couldn't take it no more. All the time off work, life being in limbo, can't even get any ruling in my favor except winning the domestic violence trial, I had enough. I came out with joint custody, and get to see my kids weekly. One day they'll know exactly and realize what mom has done to our family.

Thanks again to all.

Exactly how often will you get to see your kids?

You can always petition for more time down the road when you are in much better shape.

continue to take good notes on visitation, improve your living conditions, document any attempts on her part for alienation of affection, and prepare yourself to revisit this down the road when you're in better shape personally and legally.

I can understand how you feel, but this doesn't mean this is over. It's over for now.

I fought the fight after getting my life together. You can do it too when the time comes.

My heart goes out to you! One thing I want you to know is the world is round and it will come back around. People get what they give in life and your WW will get hers. Its a karma thing.
Now its time to be selfish. With what you have learned you WILL make a better life for your Kids and yourself.

Sack,


What the hell can I say, except that there are other people out there who are facing tough stuff as you are.

I have followed your story for awhile now and just all I can say is what you did, and that is to focus on yourself now.

Prayers from me,

Tom

Well, every Wednesday evening for 3 hours, and for the weekend every other weekend once I establish a residence. Until I establish a residence, it'll be every Saturday for 9 hrs.

My priority is to focus on myself, get my life back on track and rise from the dead.

Once you do, and you can get some money, you can argue "material change of circumstances" and get Wednesday nights, if not a full out 50/50.

Find a place in the same school district as your kids and don't move to close to the ex, but close enough (like a 5-10 minute drive).

That will make it tougher to deny you 50/50.

Sack

Got an update?

nESRE

I do!!

Life is grand!!! Got rid of that cheating sl*t and got me a real woman that treats me like a king!!

Things have settled down and it's been a long journey. I've climbed the highest mountains for sure. My girlfriend and I have been living together for about a year now and she is everything a man could want in a woman!! Why couldn't I of found her many years ago. She has one daughter and with my two they are great together. My girl makes me so happy it's unbelievable. She treats me how I should be treated, makes my lunch every day and even gets up in the morning to send me off to work with a kiss. I NEVER got that in my marriage!! I said I would never get married again, but this woman can change my mind. I met her on match.com and on our first date found out we went to school together. Also found out we have so much in common it's ridiculous! I enjoy EVERY minute with her.

I've been meaning to give an update on this. I'm sorry it's taken so long.

To others reading this story, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just wait for it and keep your chin up!!

Sack I'm very glad that you are happy.
However since this is the forum I'm going to say it: Dr Harley would encourage you not to live together.
Most live in (he calls them renter relationships) do not work out.

Have you read his book Buyers Renters and Freeloaders? It describes how to transform a renter relationship into a buyer one.

Again I'm glad you are happy

Sack, how much have you read on this site? Do you understand the peril of living together before marriage?

I'd like to hear what MB principles you are building into this relationship.