Everyone

Well I wanted to give an update to where I am in the hopes of finding away to get on with my life. I Have verified all contact was ceased but the Keylogger I installed found some interesting things. I checked it on Monday and found out that she had a profile listed on a Singles website and was conversing with 4 different men. I made her delete the profile with the assurance that all contact has ceased. So far it has. I have verified by keylogger and checking her phone. She just keeps telling me to give her time. My ? is should I cut my loses now or continue to fight for her love. She is unwilling to get on MB or have anything to do with the website.
I have been trying to meet all EN's but I have a habit after awhile of having AO's especially when I'm getting nothing in return. The Summer was a great time with tons of times together but since late August it has been HELL. I would love to do phone conferencing with the Harley's but I can barely afford food for the family. Please point me in the right direction

Okay, you have absolutely got to get rid of the angry outbursts, or else she will stay in withdrawal for the rest of your life.

Find the thread here labeled Anger Management 101. Read each and every link, and listen to each and every radio show. Follow all steps. Buy one of the biofeedback devices that Dr. Harley suggests, and use it several times a day until you are good at it.


You'll face the same problems in the next marriage, if you don't learn to control angry outbursts. Not to mention all kinds of other problems in life.

Every marriage faces periods of time when emotional needs can't be met. Sometimes that is for reasons that you can't see (in this case, your wife can't meet your emotional needs because she is NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU). You have to learn how to handle these periods of time without an angry outburst.


This will change if you follow the program.

How about you? Have you read the website? There are literally thousands of articles. Surely you can read one a day and listen to a radio show daily. If you do, Dr. Harley will coach you through fixing this, FOR FREE.

I paid for the MB seminar program and access to ask Dr. Harley questions on the private board, but most of the help I've gotten has come from the radio show. And my marriage sounds a LOT like what you are describing in your post: wife in withdrawal.

You understand that the program calls for you to ELIMINATE angry outbursts, right? Not just minimize them?

The program does not work if not followed.

Thanks Markos for replying. I have been on this site daily since DDay, I have read all post articles Etc. I get so frustrated that I cant help myself sometimes. I am not as bad now but some days it gets the most of me. I feel lost some days others its all good, I am have so much doubt that I just feel like I should cut my loses now rather than continue to wait her out.

Are you going to follow the angry outburst recommendation? It sounds like you've been tolerating these from yourself for 8 months, and that's been pretty damaging to your marriage.

Your wife is in withdrawal (does not want to meet your emotional needs, and does not even want her needs met).

The most common cause of withdrawal is love busters (demands, disrespect, and anger).

If you have even ONE angry outburst, you can expect your wife to be in withdrawal for a long time afterward.

So, if she doesn't meet emotional needs, and you choose to respond by having an angry outburst, what is the effect on her? It puts her in withdrawal. What does that do for her willingness to meet your emotional needs? It goes DOWN! Every AO about not getting your needs met makes it LESS likely that you will get your needs met.

Get the biofeedback device. Learn how to use it. Learn to SHUT UP when you are feeling frustrated about your needs not being met.

Oops, you failed the test, my friend. If you were really reading and agreeing with Dr. Harley's writings, you would not claim that you "can't help yourself."

What's the first step to eliminating angry outbursts? You'll know after you do some reading and radio listening. I do not think you have read nearly enough, and I do not think you have read nearly as much as you think you have...

You are right. I have a lot more of ME to work on. I guess I was trying to figure out what to do and I am not even listening.

That is the usual problem around here, and I should know, because I was the worst offender!

Get into Dr. Harley's radio program and listen every day. Let him coach you, for free. You'll do much better!

Have you found the thread, yet?

Read the links in the thread?

Listened to the shows linked in the thread?

Come back and know the answer. There will be a test. Come back and post when you've heard the answer straight from Dr. Harley's mouth.

Im Looking

Here.
Anger Mgmt 101

gravy, have you had a DNA test performed to ensure that your daughter is yours?

Wow, a whole lotta fill-in is required for the February - October hiatus, dude.

The long ago posting had you telling us 1) you were confident that affair was dead 2) OM was fired from his job 3) you hadn't contacted OMGF.

What you said nothing about was the list of mandatory actions WW was to have completed before you assuming she was out of her affair, out of her fog, and recommitted to your marriage. Look them up. They're all on one of my notes.

You also bailed out of here before we could get you started on the MB post-affair, rebuilding-the-loving-relationship program.

None of us here are surprised you're back, with WW gearing up for another stroll down "Heels-in-the-Air" Lane. Sorry, maybe, but not surprised, dude.

So tell us, are you convinced of the necessity of going the whole MB route this time? Or are you fixing to strike out on your own once again?

How do you know this?

How did you verify this?

I do not know where to even start to give filler. Yes I struck out on my own. Thinking I could do it all just by reading post and articles here. We were having 15 hrs UA time all thru the end of July. Things were great I thought. Then She got sick and all things changed. I dont know where I have strayed. She is withdrawn, we dont touch, we are not intimite absolutely void of nothing. She keeps telling me to back off and let her figure things out. I was seeing a therapist provided by my Work EAP. She is currently she another by my EAP. I am positive nothing is going on with another man other than the Singles web site I found this week by a Keylogger. That is when My AO came back.

I try to meet her needs as best I can. I guess I can be a bit overbearing and needy. I long for a little bit of affection.

As far as a DNA test I do not have a Daughter that I know of, I have two boys and they are the spitting image of me. So I dont feel a DNA test is neccesary.

The answer is to relax and get control of the AO

Oops - my bad! "DD" is the abbreviation for "Dear Daughter", so when you posted "my DD was January 25" I misread and thought you said "my Dear Daughter was born January 25"

I'll shut up and read slower now