~I would love to drive to her house. Whether or not she'll be there, who knows.~

On a positive side, he is starting to laugh with me and flirt with me a little bit more! So I think I will just stick with Plan A for now, since it is starting to have positive results.

How to I expose this to everyone all at once?

Did you read the exposure thread in MELODYLANE's sig? She gives very detailed instructions on nuclear exposure.

I sent facebook messages, texted people, and called people all in about 12 hours. Of course, I didn't get much sleep... But, it worked well to expose the affair and not give my WH or the OW a chance to put "spin" on the story.

I did read it. He doesn't really have any friends on FB that are connected to the OW.
He family isn't gonna believe me.
He only has one other friend besides the OW that he talks to on a regular business.
And I can't get any info on her side, just an address where she lives and her BH name.

Also, when I confront her, what exactly do I say?

You need to expose this thing before you confront her.

Expose to ANYONE that may have influence on your husband. I exposed to WH's boss and coworkers (even though they already knew, they only knew his twisted side), cousins, aunt and uncle, brother and his wife, our pastor, my friends and family (including our daughters) and OW's husband, mother, father and aunt.

I have to reread your thread, because I can't remember your whole situation, but you have to find a way to talk to the OW's husband. The OW's husband in my sitch gave me OW's parents' and other family member's info.

I know that her Father has passed. I am not exactly sure to go about getting in touch with OW's BH. I have tried to find a number on him and all I come up with is that he is in the same house as her. I feel that the only way to get my number to him is to mail him a letter. But I know that if I do that, he will confront her about the sitch. I just feel like I am wasting precious time exposing when everything I try to reach him ends up at a dead end. I have already told my family and I told he family.

My WH mother already confronted him about it and he of course denied it and she believes him. But his family is supporting us staying together. Through out all of this, he has stayed true to his word about not wanting to separate and get divorced. And I am not sure how long I should wait. I have already told all but one person about what is going on. The only other person that I can tell, is his friend Mike. And I do not have his number either. And I only see him when he comes over to talk to my WH. I would like to just sit down and tell everyone at once. But I was not involved in my WH work and hobby life. He really only talks to Mike and the OW on a regular basis.

Other than that, he is at home. I do have access to our accounts so I see that he has been eating his lunches in his office, cause the charge is the same everyday. He charges the same amount everyday, around the same time everyday. And I have been to his office, so I have seen that the place that he is charging his lunch is in fact in his office.

I just feel like I am stuck without a way to contact her side of the network. But I want to confront her and let her know that this cannot and will not continue.

Thank you for all your suggestions up until this point, and I am just at a loss. I am not sure where to go from here or what to do.

Thanks

It may not be that important that his family believe he is having an affair or not, at this stage. Naturally they do not want to believe bad things of their son. It will have already shaken him badly that his family know of the allegations. He will have to think carefully about his values.

You will need to continue to look for ways to gather information on him and OW. No wayward can conduct a 'perfect affair'. There will be some opportunity to get clear evidence.

You will need to look for other ways to expose. Perhaps the people at work as well. You have probably already stated if there is church or other social groups of which you are a part Their may be a bigger discovery day coming for you. Another exposure - next time nuclear - that includes some proof. Brace yourself. It will be painful. But it is the doorway to the future.

I guess your plan A is being effective. Perhaps when you tried to plan A him before it was a shock to him. I think you should keep at it for the moment, it may cause him to drop his guard, certainly can give him something to remember should the Plan B need to come into effect in the future.

***But of course, listen to the vets, in case I am completely wrong.***

Good on you, CnAmry.

You are moving forward, and at a great rate. Think where you were at just two weeks ago. Now you are strong, focused and taking control of your own future and that of your family.

Hey Beaatchhh. If you want to keep your hands than keep your hands off my man.....

Well that is just a little something that sprung to the mind of this very gentle and kind middle aged woman hee hee hee.

Love it!!

I have her half brother's phone number and I hope he has a way to get in touch with her BH. I have an opportunity to talk to him and hopefully the BH on Friday. My WS will be on a plane and will not have any contact with anyone for 4 hours. It's the perfect time to expose the A to everyone.

Here's what I was gonna say to the OW :::

My name is XYZ. I am XYZ's wife. The mother of his two boys.
How long have you been sleeping with XYZ?
Do you realize what you are doing to our family?
Do you value marriage at all?
Do you take your vows seriously?
If you have any moral values at all. You will cease all contact with my husband and give us a chance to work on our marriage. I love my husband very much and I am not going to give him up. I know that I have my faults and I am prepared to work on them with XYZ. I am prepared to do everything neccessary to keep my family together. And I have already notified your husband about what has been going on. And if you refuse to do as I ask and leave my husband alone, I will be forced to take legal action against you.

And I was planning on saying this to her BH :::


Hello, My name is XYZ. I am XYZ's wife.The reason for this phone call is to let you know that I believe that XYZ and XYZ are having an affair. I have phone records that show that they have been talking for anywhere from 30 minutes to over 2 hours. Some of the phone calls take place at 2am. They are also texting every day all day long. I also know that they are not discussing business anymore because of the fact that she is no longer able to pay him for his consulting. This affair has had a profound affect on our marriage. I would like your help in making sure that they stop all contact from this day forward, never to talk/text again. I am trying to save my marriage, and in order to do that, I need my husband to focus on our marriage and his family. I hope that I can count on you to help me accomplish this.

~~~~He did say that I went from being very distant and argumentative to being wry available and supportive. He did say it was a shock, but that doesn't alter the fact that he called and texted her at 12am-2am in the morning.~~~~~

Up until now, I was thinking that my WH's A was just emotional. But the more thought I put into it, the more I think it's not.....how do I recover from that? How do I get past the pain of him sleeping with someone else? I saved myself for him and I don't know if I could live through him sexually involved with someone else. How can I live through that??

Take a deep breath. I know the pain is killing you. I am so sorry you have to endure this. A spouse cheating on you is really one of the worst things they could do to you. Trust, security, everything has been destroyed by his selfishness. He is in love with the fantasy CnAmry. He didn't share real life with her, the ups and downs of daily marital relationships and responsibilities. He enjoys the fantasy fun of no responsibility in his affair. The sad part is that he is in such a fantasy fog of denial and deceipt, that he can't really see the reality in anything.

So, if you can, please stop thinking about why he did what he did. You may not have been meeting needs, but HE chose to cheat instead of turn to you to work it out. There is NO excuse for his making that choice. After you have been here a while, it becomes very apparent that we all could have done so many things better in our marriages. What he is too fogged out to see is that he probably wasn't meeting your needs either.

You can't change his choices. You can't control him. You CAN grow a stronger spine and stick up for yourself. His behavior is unacceptable and you do not have to allow this in your life. Plan A or Plan B - do what they are telling you here. Stick to the plan. Play your cards right here. If he is truly a good man, he will want better and expect better of himself when he has a break in his fog. THAT is your goal - let his consequences hit him so hard that it knocks the fog right out of him!!!!

I can't answer you from experience, but you have people right here helping you on your thread who have recovered their marriages after an affair, so it can be done. A LOT is said for your H. showing you true remorse, doing everything to make it up to you, giving you all the information you need, giving you just compensation and complete transparency. I know that if I had that from my H., I could move past it. You have to create and work the plan like they are telling you here to better position yourself to break his fog. Nothing will change until you can do that.

Big Hugs to you Cn,

I am so sorry for your pain and distress. I cannot even imagine how very difficult this is for you. This is an incredibly horrible thing that has happened to you and is not to be minimised. If you were to walk away from the marriage now you would be justified. And you will no doubt feel like doing that often in the next few days / weeks.

The strategies that you will learn and are learning here will help you to come out of all of this sanely, whether or not the marriage is salvaged.

Lots of love and tender prayers for you at this time.

I hope some vets will give their advice on your exposure letters.

I have a plan to call the OW's half brother, her BH, and the OW herself on Friday when I know that my WS will not be able to be reached.

I know that it will piss him off to know that I did all of this while he was on the plane, but it has to be done. And if my WS wants to go with plan B, then so be it. We will start there, and he will move out, not me!

Here's a little update. I have a time that I know that my WH will be on a plane and he will not be in contact with anyone from that time. I am going to call everyone that I have numbers for.

But since my H has been out of town, there has been little contact with the OW. He texted her last night and she hasn't replied to his texts. I think it might have to do with her BH. But I am unclear about why they haven't had any contact.

Yes, I have thought about the fact that she might be with him, but if that were the case. My H wouldn't have texted her and they wouldn't have had texting dialog 3 days ago. Everything will be exposed soon. EA in 1 hour. Wish me luck.

Doing it while he's on the plane...wonderful idea!

Thinking of you. All the best with your plan. You have taken charge of this situation.

Now the waywards will find out who they are messing with....

Have you seen this? Listen to the clips in this thread?
"I encourage BHs to confront OM" Dr. Harley