And you say to him that children are not affected by the truth but by the affair itself. End of story.

Don't try to whitewash what he has done, to her. Armymama is right: he is trying to protect himself, at her expense. Don't help him perpetrate such a crime on your daughter.

I booked the lawyer for Tue next week to sign paperwork.
I also spoke with my WS ( we are still living together until I move to the UK, so that he can stay with the girls) and he told me that he is very sorry for what he has done but he really loves her ( it killed me!!!) he says the feeling is the same as it was with me at the beginning. I can really see how much he cares for her and it makes me very upset. It's a torture literally.
He is going to move in with her and work together on his MLM business with her.
He wants to take the girls for Christmas and New Year and then bring them back to the UK. I said I rather have him over.
He knows I still love him , I told him, but he says it is way too late for us.
I really hope he is mistaken.
How long do you think until he opens his eyes?????

And hypothetically if he comes over to London for Christmas, I suppose to follow plan B, I would need to move out to my sister and leave him with the kids entire time by himself without any contact?
Otherwise it will start all over again, my pain and suffering...
Are there other options?

Another question, is there any success stories section here?
Mainly after affair/living with OP/ return of WS???
Would love to read some for support.
I would appreciate your comments very much. Thank you.

There's a whole section of success stories here.

Notable Posts and Threads

Czarne,

My H and I are in a recovered marriage. He had a drunken ONS in 2004 and an intense EA/PA from fall 2007 until D-day April 2008. On D-day, I asked my H if he loved OW and he said "yes". I had that same kick in the gut feeling that you have had. H and his OW did not move in together, but she was pushing pretty hard for it about two weeks before I discovered the affair.

Why are you dragging this along? Having him there until you move is too painful. His flaunting of his OW is unacceptable. Get his signature on the documents you want. Why do you want to make things easy for him? He spends time with your daughters and makes it like a lovely home/family life and then is off to have sex with his OW. Get him out of your house and go into Plan B now, not a month from now.

BTW, where he stays at Christmas when he comes to visit your daughters in London is his problem, not yours. Let him get a hotel or stay with friends. There is no reason you should leave your home for him. He made the mess and you are making it easy for him by not delivering consequences.

AM

Thank you BrainHurts, will have a look,
AM I need to be nice at least till Tuesday when he signs the paperwork, after that I don't care. I mean I do, I still love him dearly, I cried entire morning and tried to explain to him what he is doing to our family but he is hooked and says he knows that the logical thing to do is to leave OW and follow me to the UK but he loves her so much that he cannot do it.

On top of that she phones every day on his mobile and whenever she calls he comes up with some new abstract ideas on how to keep the girls in Spain.
She keeps telling him that he is the one to lose all as I will take the kids abroad and he will suffer. I tried to explain to him that this is her dirty game as she wants our kids and him here.
She hit the limit when she told him she was going to GIVE him part of her house ( she has several properties) so that he has space to accomodate our girls. She is seriously sick and I can see she is not going to stop.
I need him to sign asap. my leave papers.
She also told him that she doesn't believe their relation will last if I take the girls as he will miss them terribly and will follow me to London.
She clearly knows what she is doing.

I replied to my husband that I understand his position, but our D10 is starting high school next Sept and I need to move asap for her to polish her English and that education is way better in England. He agreed and confirmed once again that he will sign the paperwork.
I just hope nothing changes till Tue.
This psychotic woman is really driving me crazy, and him thinking that she wants the best for our girls and my WH is driving me even crazier. Blind man!

He just got all done up, put the perfumes I got for him and went to see her.
This is beyond painful.

ArmyMama,
I need him to sign the paperwork, I will not fight him, behave unpleasantly or irritate/annoy him just in case.
He is so easy to manipulate and that B**** knows what she is doing. Without the paperwork I am stuck here ( read: nervous breakdown).
Therefore plan B is out of question. at the moment. After the paperwork is signed he can still take me to court if he changes his mind, I need to get out of this country to start plan B , which is another 9 days only.

He is gone so gone, I don't know this man anymore, I want my old husband back.

Dear C
The night before DD my WH was asking me which color suits him best to go out with OW.
I just found it pathetic afterwards.
You have rights you know. For example later on I asked him to put down his profile photo from fb that was a very flattering one I had taken. Now he doesnt have any photo on fb because all others are not so good! I also asked not to use things that he learned from me ( like music, art) to seduce the OW. He obeyed.

CZ Stay the course. I remember buying a cologne for Mr. Bliss during his affair. I loved how it smelled! He told me in passing one morning that the secretaries in his office thought he smelled fantastic (which I didn't like hearing). Turns out, his OW was the one who loved his cologne. Needless to say, that cologne isn't in our house anymore.

You'll need to eliminate that cologne when you recover your marriage.

Czarne,

We have all been there. My H and I had a collection of kaleidoscopes that we had found over many years in many special locations. During his affair, he bought the OW a kaleidoscope for Christmas. Ironically, I bought him a kaleidoscope for Christmas that same year.

If your H is out right now, I would put the cologne out in the trash and say nothing about it.

I still will be very surprised if your H actually signs paperwork allowing you to take the children out of the country. I fervently hope I am wrong and that you will be able to leave him soon.

AM

Yes, do put the cologne in the trash. That is a great idea.

Czarne, unfortunately there are many wayward behaviours that are painful for us. It feels like a knife if they use something you have purchased for them to look and smell good for the OW. I also had the experience of WH scheduling business trips early so he would be home late afternoon rather than the evening as OW (co-worker) didn't like him returning in the evening. It was painful he never considered this for the children and I.

I agree dispose of the cologne it will be a painful trigger every time he wears it.

I hope all goes well with the lawyer on Tuesday and WH signs the papers to consent to you returning to the UK. Keep in mind there is a real possibility he could change his decision ... waywards have a habit of reniging on the agreements/decisions.

Thank you for all your replies,
The cologne is in a trash.
Yesterday evening we were packing and I couldn't help and told him how cruel and thoughtless was him going out with her for a night, when I am home with the kids.
He said he realized that it was out of order and apologized. I told him I am leaving very shortly and to hold on with his overnight visits till then. He obeyed. Will see.

He said that they are incredibly in love and that he is convinced that this relationship will work. They have apparently tons in common and both do their multilevel marketing business, so they have the same friends, goals etc.
I have never supported this business and he was very disappointed.

Do you think that if they (him and OW) do business together it will make them stronger?
I am not ready now, but was thinking to join this MLM as well, not for the business obviously but to get him back,
does it make sense???

ArmyMama, I am so happy for you ( that you recovered). I have a long a winding road ahead of me....

MLM businesses tend to fail, and if they are both in it they are actually competing with one another. Let that work itself out.

I would concentrate on you and the kids, and do whatever you need to to get his permission to leave. If that means even saying congrats on his new love, so be it...I have seen too many women suffer getting trapped somewhere. Try to just take it day by day.

On the feeling of wondering what you can do to get him back...the MB plans are the only thing that might work, but even if your marriage never recovers, YOU can be the success story.

Thank you Jennifer,
I am trying very hard to concentrate on my kids and me but I love my husband very much and it is the worst time in my life. I am just thankful that we are healthy, although I am sure the stress will take its toll sometime in the future.
I think it will be much easier for me to follow plan B when I am living abroad, I won't be able to see him at all and will not speak unless through IM.

What is an estimated time for a WH to actually wake up???
I mean living with OW, how long does it normally take to come out from the fog?
I have read that it can take two years, seems eternity to me.
Anybody can advice otherwise?

I can only tell you about YOU. The vets can inform you about the other things. Well, the pain needs about 6 months to go away, that is if you are not too hopeful. It can take less if you have a plan like a firm plan B. You will be A LOT better after leaving and not having to listen to his 'lurve' b..t. Be assured it is not real love. It is a fantasy, as everybody in this forum can tell you. If you stop thinking of it as love , but as lust, fantasy, a Romeo and Juliet thing actually, you will feel a lot better.

Czarne,

It was good that you requested that he stop spending over-night visits with OW. It is hugely disrespectful to you, his wife and mother of his children, to flaunt them in front of you.

I agree with staying out of the MLM business. They are more likely to lose rather than make money. You have already said that your husband doesn't have another job and doesn't have any money.

It is hard to predict how long an affair can last. They don't all end, you know. However, there are many things here in your favor.

1) Everybody knows that he and OW are having an affair.
2) OW was quite upset about exposure.
3) You are going into plan B. Your H will miss out on the ENs that you provided. He will miss out on time with his children.
4) H will be moving in with OW. She already has multiple children from multiple men - not exactly a good candidate for fidelity to your husband.
5) One of OW's baby daddies STILL lives in her house. As you already know, three is one too many people in a relationship.
6) H and OW are in a risky business together and have little else in common.

It seems as though this affair will crash pretty soon. Dr. Harley has talked about men returning to marriages. He said, generally, if a man does not return to his wife within two years, he most likely won't. Even if the affair dies, he may move on to another woman. Of course, that is just in general.

Plan A, if you can, until you leave. (I was never very good at plan A. I was way to angry.)


AM