Hi Indiegirl, I was away on travel last week, and just read your post. Celebration is definitely in order!!

Not meaning to dampen your spirits, I want to offer a word of caution about what may lie ahead. I was in a similar situation as you following my divorce: finances still unresolved. It took an additional 5 months to resolve everything, and it was much more emotionally draining that I would have predicted.

Before going through it, I thought the divorce decree would be the most significant event, and resolving finances would be a small matter of cleaning up a few details. In my case, it turned out to be the other way around. Like you, I felt free and jubilant when my divorce was granted; but 5 months later, I was an emotional wreck following the resolution of our finances.

In order to minimize emotional impact on yourself, I would advise letting your solicitor handle as much of the remaining work as possible.

Enjoy your freedom, but don't drop your guard just yet. Good luck!

Oh I know. Its going to be more like an 8 month court battle and I don't have the money to do it.

So I'm going to have a mini woop woop and fiesta before that grim reality sinks in.

I have to take a financial break from it, so might as well take a mental one too!

Sorry to hear that.... about you not having the money for a court battle. I was in the same situation. My ex was being financed by a well-to-do sister, and I got buried in court. My attorney advised me to take the deal I ended up taking because, even though it wasn't fair, to continue fighting would have kept me emotionally involved and driven up the legal fees (and I was already borrowing against my retirement fund to pay divorce costs).

I'm thankful I took her advice, but it did leave me on the short end of the stick financially. Happiness is priceless however!!

I hope things work out as much in your favor as possible. Sending you good vibes across the Atlantic

Cheers

Yeah Indie, welcome to the BS crowd who foots the bill.

It will be worth every penny in the end, your freedom.. it allways is

So I'm godmother at my niece's christening tomorrow. Its a good thing. Looking forward to it and the celebration afterwards.

Mine and softlads worlds feel so far apart these days that I hadn't even considered this.

But having checked Facebook, there'll be quite a few old faces there. SL's friends and my old friends. People who didn't support me. People who didn't even ask how I was.

I will of course also have my entire family around me. I don't have to speak to anyone I don't want to and can make polite excuses if anyone tries.

But maybe I want to.

The dress I'm wearing is the black dress I wore to DFs (OWs husband) funeral. Livened up with pink heels and a pink bag. Pearls with a bow. I had a bit of a mini tremble about wearing this dress after seeing the RSVPd guest list...

...But sod it. It looks good on me.

for you friend.

May you and your darling niece have a blessed day.

To quote Unwritten - "I admire you so much for taking the admirable high road during this last length of your marital journey. Even into a dark separation you upheld your marital vows. You should be very very proud of yourself for the strength of character you have portrayed through all of this! You really are an inspiration to many."

x 2

You certainly have handled yourself with dignity and class and can be proud.

OK. I'm having a wardrobe crisis now. Everything looks dreadful!

WHAT is wrong with me?

Beware Plan Bers and have a gorgeous dress to hand for just such occasions. Which I thought I had done.

Right. Cup of tea, then I need to go find my logical head.

Aww, sorry for the crisis! It should be a beautiful day and experience regardless of what you wear...the strength in you will shine through.

LOL!

It is attitude Indie........you can wear a burlap sack if you strut with confidence in it!

This becomes the most powerful form of character and integrity in the end. Trust me ... this speaks at the highest level when journeying into new relationships. Nothing speaks more volumes to someone than the ability to remain loyal, faithful, and graceful through the worst time in your life.

Yes Indie, theses are true words indeed

I remember in my first marriage, when I had reason to expect my wife was fooling around, and where I worked I was hit on all the time, and lots of affair waywards worked there too...(It was in the 70s and I was in my early 20s, it was Saturday night fever and the me generation crowd, but I wanted the marriage to work.)


I was an attractive guy and had lots of women attracted to me, but just didn't want to jump into the rutting behavior of all the other idiots, or should I say, could not jump into it...


Lol I even went to a Shrink to see what was wrong with me,,it seemed this was the way to get ahead in this world and this place...sleep around ya know...


He asked me,,"So you are coming to me because you have morals?" Then really laughed it off.

The world is full of sick idiots, yup foolish sick idiots..

You stand above them Godmother, your niece should be proud.

Talking to my 28 year old DD, her husband, and one of our friends last night at my DGD birthday party.

The consensus expressed was that I really had no responsibility for what happened to my wayward W, her addiction issues, or my kids loss of thier mother, it was beyond my control, and out of my reach, but I will always feel responsible, if I only....

But my DD said" You know how they say,'Its the thought that counts?'. We know who you are Dad, how hard you worked and what your about"

If they all were not doing so good, even the youngest at 21, I would probably question how I raised them, but thier character shines though to reflect the best of both of us.

Yes they saw the best of her before the drugs took over, and then they recognized the worst, and they are totally human and responsible for themselves, not blaming anyone for thier issues and problems, they are free

Freedom is bought with a price, giving yourself to a higher purpose than our feelings, call it God or Budda, or whatever you want, our hearts are seldom living in truth, and being aware of that, is the highest form of humility.

My children know my heart, and know I would love to still have Mom alive and happy and well. That is good for me, and I have nothing to prove, but yet as a man, I always do, because talk is cheap

You did Softlad a favor, one he probably will never know, but you loved him just the same indie

Thanks CP. I am quite proud of my attempts to get him to really see what he was doing. Not my problem now though.

Well it really isn't worth getting yourself into a lather over what former friends, who were bad friends, think. I should have known that.

They didn't even show! Last minute excuses. I didn't mention it during the day, but my cousin did, she said they were too ashamed to show their faces. I had always assumed those who were unsupportive of betrayed people were just not very aware of their role and what they should do. But this suggests they DO know they were in the wrong.

A fabulous day for my niece, 10 months, and my 2-yr-old nephew. Brother and sister, christened together.

When the priest read out the names of those to be baptised he ended with their names, and my nephew's last of all which led him to reply back by happily shouting 'Yeah!' in church really loudly, which made everyone laugh.

Isn't it funny that no matter how much we learn about boundaries on this wonderful site, our instincts are still the best guide?

I went to a evening class tonight. During the introductions, it came out I was a reporter. After the break, the instructor stopped me in the hallway and asked me about my work, mentioning his wife worked in the field. He seemed to be a very nice man.

However my instincts were screaming. I was very uncomfortable. Rather than standing outside in isolation, I began to walk past him so rest of the conversation carried on in the room with other people. After the class, I wanted to get away very quickly.

Later, I couldn't understand why. I had to think a bit.

He could have asked me about my work in the classroom, but didn't. He had been standing in the hallway for no apparent reason. Waiting almost. He was almost blocking my entry to the class, though it was obvious that's where I was headed. When we got inside and around other people, the conversation tapered off but while we were on our own he acted as though he had all day to chat.

Plus the aspects of my work he was asking about, legal training, were kind of dull. Why would he want to know about something his wife could tell him? Even though he mentioned his wife, it was all a bit odd.

Yes good instincts.

He could of been playing the game of,"Im married just so you know. does that bother you from us furthuring our relationship?..or..Somebody allready has me, so im desirable, don't you want me too?.."

Yeah you never know, and you did the right thing by blowing him off politely

ITA with CP.

I would get out of such a class if I could.

And consider reporting him. I don't know too many situations where instructors hitting on students is considered ethical.

Yeah I would get out of that class too, just to much familiararity IMO

The way he approached you, that alone would make anybody uncomfortable

Reporting him would be touchy, because if he was fishing for whatever..it was just left at that, he didn't accually hit on you...

Maybe he was testing the waters and intended to, if you showed interest..either way, these were subjects that could have been brought up in class like you said, and getting into a private convo in the hallway was out of line for a male authority figure.

Sorry your instincts just may be right, and wondering about that really will mess up your head while he remains your teacher. You didn't do it, he should have known better.

Just transfer out if possible