No expert, but agree fully with HDW. Eleven affairs is not a sign of repentance. Adultery is grounds for divorce. She has had lots of cake, because you are enabling her. At least separate, because she is certainly taking you for granted.

Hi again. I know that a lot of you are down on me for not doing a whole lot, but for anyone who will help me, I have a question.
How much information do I or should I know. I have been asking her questions for a bit now. She claims to not remember quite a bit. But anyway, I wonder how much I should know before it is more hurtful to me than helpful. Thanks.

You ask what you are comfortable asking, and when you feel you have had enough then you stop. It's up to you, really.

Did you ever email the show?

Yeah whats your plans? If your gonna stay with her and allow her to continue with this behavior...I guess its getting ready for the worse, and so not to be surprised and shocked and hurt when it comes to pass.

If it was me I would want to be ready when the bandage is ripped off..and I would never put my worst enemy though it, or do it again either

Your question really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, if you choose not to take the rest of the advice given you.

I know you think we are "down on you" when we point out that you haven't done a whole lot. But actually, that is helping you. We are holding your problem out in front of you and trying to keep it on the front burner, to help you solve your problem, instead of living in misery and heartache for another six years.

You said you wished you'd done this right years ago. Here's your chance to do it right. Stop whining that people are "down on you" and start taking the steps to save your situation.

No time like the present Rock

"We have not because we ask not"

Its your life, and your marrige

What about my urge to contact or confront some of these guys? I'm not really sure what it would help. I guess I just want them to know that I know.

I may be chastised for saying this. But what is the point in confronting your wife's affair partners?
That's similar to a wife of an alcoholic confronting bartenders that serve her alcoholic husband his drinks.

The bigger question is how are you going to allow her behavior to affect you?

HDW, though I do understand the point you're trying to make, equating someone serving an alchololic a drink as an equal to adultery is a poor example.... just sayin'

I do agree rock is in a toxic relationship though.

I also know that confronting the Affair Partners is often healing!
Exposure is the best plan though. Exposing all the multiple affairs to these OM and suggesting they get checked for STD's is a great idea also. These OM are scum and it should be exposed that rock knows.....

Rock, the only way to possibly stop the adultery is full 100% exposure to everyone you and your wife know..... She is a Serial Adulterer and will not stop unless the consequences are great.
It's just, can you live with everyone knowing she has cheated on you so many times and still have a marriage?????
I'm not sure I could!
Divorce is a reasonable outcome in all adulterous situations, how much more so in yours...

You must know by now, she will never stop if you cover it up, and even then, she still may not be willing to stop cheating.

Here is what Dr. H says about confronting OM.
"I encourage BH to confront OM" Dr. Harley

Dr. Harley does recommend that men confront their wife's affair partners, tell them that their wife is spoken for and insist that they back off. Tell them that there is no way that the relationship will ever work out, and let them know that they will have to go through you if they want to get to your wife, and that the experience will not be pleasant. Letting them know that they will face every possible legal consequence of continuing the affair, including being dragged into court if you file for divorce on cause of adultery.

No physical or illegal threats, of course, but standing up for yourself and your marriage.

This also makes love bank deposits for many women.

The problem is he may not be able to find them all.

A better question may be : "why do I want to be married to someone that treats me like this?"

I agree with this...if there is no plan other than confronting for the sake of confronting then what is the point?

When did the last A supposedly end? Were any of these OM married at the time?

Looking at Rock's signature, he's got a DD11. I would for sure let every man in my wife's life know that he better stay away from my daughter, whether I were going to stay married to her mother or not.

Well, I am fairly certain that there hasn't been an affair for a couple of years now. She just wanted it to all go away but I wanted to know the truth. So it kind of opened everything back up for us.
The thought of all these guys just getting away with this bothers me, but I don't know what I could do or what good doing anything would do.
I know that at least 2 of them were married. I know who one is but I don't know who exactly the other is, although I'm sure with some investigating I could find out.
I don't know if I am wasting energy on this or not. Lately things have been going pretty good with mrs rock and myself.

Well things may be going good but don't get a rerun 5 years from now.
If the men were married their wives should know.

I get this HDW because it is just another source she has taken, and there is another OM/Bar right down the street if that one wont serve her..

Confronting the low-life loser that my late WW was hooked up with, and taking his life in the most painful way possible, has allways been a go-to option also, but I think it would make me less of a man, not more of one.

Plus then I allow her activity to take my life also, and my kids would have two crazy parents, instead of one. They have/had enough to put up with IMO.

I am not confusing the very positive influence that a legal confrontation with a male friend and authority,(Who can help keep you under control), can bring if you find yourself in that position. (Most low life OMs will just run away because they are wimps anyways, or stupid because they believe in the "Boo-Hoo my Husband is so mean", story, but want to remain stupid...) A Confrontation with those idiots is very trying on your nerves...

The emotional impact on you should be realized and understood.


In my case well since I was the only one with my feet on the ground, going to jail for killing the idiot would have left my Kids alone with a woman who would have just found another idiot to be with...

The big question is..why do you still love her? I am sure you can find the answer to that, if you are willing to look hard enough. Oh I am not saying to stop loving her..but understanding what kind of love you should be giving, maybe tough love?

Gods love is tough, when it has to be, and now you have a get-out-of-jail free card, if she is still playing games. If I were her I wouldn't be playing games with Gods love, or His institution

Yes, I still love her. I am just trying to figure out ways to deal with all of this. It seems to me that even if I were to get out of this situation I would still have to deal with all this crap. There's nothing that is going to take away the pain by just cutting my losses. Either way it happened and it hurts.

Have you emailed the Harleys?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.