i guess i should begin with a bit of a back story. me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 years and have a beautiful daughter. we had mutually agreed to have her and i have never regretted the decision.

a couple of years into our relationship, i admittedly got lost. my priorities were out of wack, i chose friends over family, began talking to other women (never pursued a relationship with any of them) and i paid for it with 5 months of loneliness and pain. luckily, she took me back and i have devoted my life to doing right by my girls. i have never been a firm believer in marriage but lately i have been giving it a lot of thought. then reality set in.

my girlfriend had been a bit disconnected. i have been going to college and recently took on a job to provide some added income and stability to our family. i have stayed focused and have reassured my family that everything i've been doing was for all of our benefit. so come saturday. my girlfriend gets home from work, my daughter is at her grand parents house, and i ask her what's been going on. she begins telling me that i am not affectionate with her and that i have not been romantic enough. that she's seen our mutual friends and their relationships and she feels we're behind on the intimacy. this takes me back because we had just had a date night the weekend before and i felt we had a great night. i began pleading my case but she was having none of it. eventually things escalated to a point where she said she would just go to her mom's house (where my daughter was) to cool down. now, in the midst of our argument, she brought up her want of having time with her friends. so as she left, i knew something wasn't right.

sunday comes along and after spending a night alone i begin to think of how i could have handled the situation better. come to find out, she did go to her mother's house but only to end up going out with her friends. fine, i can't change what happened and we can talk about it and our expectations of one another. she stayed at her mothers house and left to work the next day. so i spend another day alone, no calls, no messages. by this time, i'm really thinking the worst. so when she gets off work, i call her and find out what's going on. i begin asking her if there is someone else because this sudden disconnect makes no sense. she admits to having feelings with a co-worker and they escalated to intimate kissing. her justification is because he would tell her how pretty she was, how lucky i was to have her and how he wished he had someone like her (typical..). i feel betrayed but figure that we can work through this, things could have been worse.

today we meet up in the morning to talk. the truth comes out that she engaged in a sexual act with this person which she says she regrets. that she got caught up in the moment. anger sets in after being lied to and i tell her she needs to cut ties with him. she says that she doesn't want to hurt his feelings, which enrages me to a point i cannot explain. i get in my car and drive to school. sitting in the parking lot i'm so confused, so hurt, so betrayed. i call my sister to tell her what has happened (she is like a mother to me, my mother recently passed). my girlfriend has expressed interest in wanting to take time to herself to "figure things out." she brings up the past in saying she did the same for me and i should respect that.

i've paid for my mistakes and the "time" i took for myself was nothing but a waste. i don't know what to do, don't know what to say, and i don't believe the truly understands the magnitude of betrayal she has brought upon me and my daughter. she refuses to own what she did and has not given me an ounce of reassurance for reconciling. i'm very secure in myself but love my family with all my heart and soul. i think the best thing i can do is continue down the good path i'm on and do what i need to do for my daughter. she can take all the time she wants, but everyday she waits she risks losing me.

i'm sorry this is so long..

Welcome to MB. How familiar are you with Dr. Harley's works?

Have you seen these?
Living Together Before Marriage #1
Living Together Before Marriage #2
Choosing the Right one to Marry
Preparing for Marriage

AD,
Brainy is very insightful with her links, I would read or listen to anything she presents. I would also recommend getting a copy of "Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders" as this will give you some insight into the differences between marriage and living together.

Your statement above strikes me as the root of where you are now -- you will see what I mean after you do some more reading. Many people don't have a firm belief in marriage (and some of them are actually married!). Personally, I had a belief in it but didn't know how to do it (nowadays there are precious few good examples to follow); it wasn't till I helped destroy what I had that I found this site and was provided a definition for what could be a REAL and beautiful marriage.

I hope after reading as much as you can here, you will come to appreciate marriage the way we do here. For your sake and that of your daughter, I hope you become a believer and also understand the concept as well.

opt

This is an excellent idea from opt and here is a thread to get you started.
Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders
Also the book "I Promise You" is a very good engagement boom.