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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
Happy Birthday, CV! I always look forward to reading your posts.


Thanks NG!


Celtic Voyager
Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


"A story of me"
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Ridin' the storm out, waitin' for the thaw out
On a full moon night in the rocky mountain winter.
My wine bottle's low, watching for the snow
I've been thinking lately of what I'm missing in the city.

And I'm not missing a thing
Watchin' the full moon crossing the range
Ridin' the storm out
Ridin' the storm out.

My lady's beside me, she's there to guide me.
She says that alone we've finally found home.
The wind outside is frightening,
But it's kinder than the lightning life in the city.
It's a hard life to live but it gives back what you give.

--REO '73


Life keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the fuuuu-ture.
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Originally Posted By: MikeStillSmiling
Ridin' the storm out, waitin' for the thaw out
On a full moon night in the rocky mountain winter.
My wine bottle's low, watching for the snow
I've been thinking lately of what I'm missing in the city.

And I'm not missing a thing
Watchin' the full moon crossing the range
Ridin' the storm out
Ridin' the storm out.

My lady's beside me, she's there to guide me.
She says that alone we've finally found home.
The wind outside is frightening,
But it's kinder than the lightning life in the city.
It's a hard life to live but it gives back what you give.

--REO '73


Love it, Mike! Just a few words of advice to you in the same theme/genre:

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming,
I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward son,
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, well, it surely means that I don't know
On the stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune,
But I hear the voices say

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Carry on,
You will always remember
Carry on,
Nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry,
Don't you cry no more


Celtic Voyager
Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


"A story of me"
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A 4-Star General committing adultery is almost lending credence to the cheaters amongst us. "Look, even our country's finest fall at times."

F-him. Animal. Weak willed.

And that woman is skeevy too.


Life keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the fuuuu-ture.
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I think there is much more to the story. I don't believe the assertion that the affair started after his retirement and I don't believe the assertion that the affair was over four months ago. He needs to be recalled to active duty and investigated. I doubt it will happen though. Many consider his actions to be a "private matter".

AM


BW - 65
WH - 60
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
DD - 44, DS - 30, DS - 23
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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MSS,

I do give him some credit however for stepping down, I hope he makes a public apology to the OWH and family.

This is unlike Clinton who seemed bitter about being found out, and then did nothing to stem the subsequent vilification in the press of Monica Lewinski who was a young girl.

God Bless
Gamma

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I'm glad you brought up ol' Slick Willy, because it gives me a segue to speaking to my belief that his (unpunished, excused) rutting will prove to be the first crack in the dam that does severe damage to this country. You can all say, "There were always cheaters," and that's true, but the brazenness, the recklessness of what we're seeing from high officials is increasing geometrically. HOW many governors, now HOW many military commanders have been found to be sleeping with some pig? ("Hey the Little Rock-head got away with it; what could they do to me?")

End of today's NG rant.....

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Originally Posted By: MikeStillSmiling
A 4-Star General committing adultery is almost lending credence to the cheaters amongst us. "Look, even our country's finest fall at times."

F-him. Animal. Weak willed.

And that woman is skeevy too.




Privates cheat. RC Priests have had affairs. People from every level and place in society cheat. Because one is able to reach high levels of power and wealth does not make them superior in all ways.

The public is to willing to hold up people to be role models based on the wealth and power.

Instead of the person they are. Many better suited to be role models are over looked because they are just average.

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My perspective? Romney was the only choice the Republicans had to put up against Obama in the last election precisely because those leaders have such squeaky-clean records in their marriage. And you look at both candidates and they seem to be clearly IN LOVE with their partners. Nice to see some authority figures doing it right, at least.

Military marriages and pilots are amongst the most susceptible to affairs...


Doormat_No_More
(Formerly Barnboy)
Original thread lost in the forum purge of '09.
4 months after D-Day
1 year after D-Day
Two Years Later
Four Years Later
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I spoke to my buddy from another state himself a WS now 4 years out from his dday.

Its been a rocky road to say the least for him and his regret and remorse at times was reduced to 'I'm outta here if she doesnt forgive' and 'this just isnt worth it'. Either she was to forgive or not, this in between stuff wasnt working.

He felt that his transparency since dday has left her with even less trust. When he was philandering and lying he had less guilt than he's had since dday.

Anyway, the last year has been a great year for their marriage. He big needs were improvement in the bedroom and his wife to get into shape. And so she has per his description. She has a an energy and willingness he NEVER seen let alone when they first met.

So, I asked him the questions, 'Can you fully regret your affair knowing what you know today, SF is better than ever, your wife has drop 35lbs, and the home life is top notch?' That his wife knows he strayed for many reasons but the top one is probably that he wasnt getting what he needed at home and for the last 4 years he is getting what needed there? That she lost 40 pounds only after seeing his OW was 105 lbs?

Does the ends justify the means?

He said the misery he lived with outside the bedroom was brutal as any of BS knows. And because they never tried a MB program they still seem to have their moments, but he said its been terrific for the last year.

I apply this to my situation. I know she's scarred for life and our marriage has this asterisk next to it but things I wasnt getting in my bedroom, I get now. Which was my top need she wasnt meeting. Did the ends justify her means but in a bizarre way?

Am I glad she was with someone else so today I get about as much SF as anyone? It did take her A for that to happen. She can say its what she wanted always and he A was an aberration, but I know it wasnt.


Life keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the fuuuu-ture.
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Would he or his BW come here?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Ive given him the information several times. She has no interest. And he doesnt seem to have any interest either.


Life keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the fuuuu-ture.
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I just think that God can and does take horrible, awful situations and create goodness from it. That's all Him.

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We caught a pretty good segment on the today show yesterday about recovering from infidelity. They had a shrink on there who I thought was very good.

She mentioned how the cheater needs to fly into the face of the fury and accept it for a period of time. And, the one betrayed needs to get all information except the sex stuff.

I like the most how she said that many couples are able to stand on their anniversaries and really appreciate each other and proclaim that they can overcome anything since they overcame this.

If you do a search for it, you can find it. Worth the watch.


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"Winter is here again, Oh Lord" - Journey

It marks the beginning of ever increasing daylight. Which is fine with me.

The holidays and New Year's part of the year never put me in the doldrums. I have plenty of other mental chazerai to put me in a mental funk anytime of the year.

This is my second holiday season after dday and I cannot say things are going too well.

My bitterness and resent towards her are at an alarming high.

As much advice and motivation I can give to others, Im not above falling into very low lows. I feel like and its been for a while now that Im going through the motions.

I feel sorry for her. Mostly, however, I feel sorry for my kids. Its widely acknowledged here that "staying for the kids" is not best practices for a healthy post affair marriage.

She and her boyfriend were right when they discussed that Id never leave my kids if they got caught.

Today, 5 months out from the 2-year mark, Im waivering on that notion.

Im not living. Its more like enduring.

What is infuriating me is that despite absolutely NO conversation, allusion, or subtle reminder of the A as per my commitment to recovery, is that I think she doesnt quite understand I think about what she did everyday, 100x a day. I have no way of not.


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I think about what she did everyday, 100x a day. I have no way of not.

In that, my friend you are far from unique. I also am in perpetual awareness of my status as a FBH. (And how could we not be, as we spend a good deal of our efforts helping other folks on this site?) I would guess the difference is the context in which the letters are emphasized - I concentrate on the "F", preferring to look forward rather than rearward.

But I'm also very shrewd my friend. I put this away knowing that someday it would be important to you:

The fresh, cool September morning air. The smell of the trees. We pulled over into a secluded area of the park. We talked. We had our breakfast. We made out like teenagers. She cried. She apologized for the stain on our marriage and thanked me, again, for giving her the chance for mornings like that.

After a month of less that stellar adherence to the 'dont bring up the A' rule, we got a refresher on why we got marriage in the first place.

Neil Diamond wrote a song about it and I concur with its sentiment, September Morns are something to enjoy. Look up the lyrics if you don't know the tune.


24 September 2012 - Dude, there are folks here that would donate a kidney to have that memory. It would be a shame (for you!) if that were thrown away and never reenacted on some future bike-ride. As far as I can tell, the morning was inadequate in just one detail:

PS. Despite the desire and opportunity, we didnt give in to public lewdness, thank you very much!!

Next time bring a bigger blanket! It might have been worth the risk, pardner!

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Hereby having the Entenmann's and wanting to eat it too?

Having the shamed and contrite FWW doing all that I ask, yet I find a way to not be happy with it?

I really thought a nipped this flakiness in the bud. Guess not.


Last edited by MikeStillSmiling; 12/20/12 11:11 AM.

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Originally Posted By: MikeStillSmiling

This is my second holiday season after dday and I cannot say things are going too well.

My bitterness and resent towards her are at an alarming high.

As much advice and motivation I can give to others, Im not above falling into very low lows. I feel like and its been for a while now that Im going through the motions.

I feel sorry for her. Mostly, however, I feel sorry for my kids. Its widely acknowledged here that "staying for the kids" is not best practices for a healthy post affair marriage.

She and her boyfriend were right when they discussed that Id never leave my kids if they got caught.

Today, 5 months out from the 2-year mark, Im waivering on that notion.

What is infuriating me is that despite absolutely NO conversation, allusion, or subtle reminder of the A as per my commitment to recovery, is that I think she doesnt quite understand I think about what she did everyday, 100x a day. I have no way of not.


You are here since 6/11. It is now one and a half years later.
I don't know when your dday was.
I don't know when your WW went NC with the OM.

You have to of read that recovery is a 2 to 5 year period.

So based on when your WW went NC is the starting the clock on this time frame.

Why not a tune up call to the Harley's or an email?

Last edited by TheRoad; 12/20/12 05:12 PM.
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Originally Posted By: MikeStillSmiling
Hereby having the Entenmann's and wanting to eat it too?

Having the shamed and contrite FWW doing all that I ask, yet I find a way to not be happy with it?

I really thought a nipped this flakiness in the bud. Guess not.



Not in your case but in every BH's case the PA can never be undone.

Though every time an affair ends and the WW comes back home to recover with her BH do you know that the better man won.

The BH vanguished the OM.

The OM as all OM are, are only good at Japing (WWII reference).

The OM woke up a sleeping giant. The OM loses to a superior general. You marshalled up your resources and troops (maned up, used MB).

This OM as other OM could not stand up to a BH in an open fight. Once you mobilized and engaged the enemy it was only a matter of time before victory was yours.

Pearl Harbor is now just as beautiful as Dec 6, 1941. Though if you look close you will see the scar of the war when you see the Arizona.

When you ignore the scar your WW will still look as beautiful as she always did. She is doing wnat she needs to do. You need to do the same.

You will get there. On a long journey every step seems to get you no where because you can not see the finish line. Keep walking you will get to the finish line.

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MSS,

What is infuriating me is that despite absolutely NO conversation, allusion, or subtle reminder of the A as per my commitment to recovery, is that I think she doesnt quite understand I think about what she did everyday, 100x a day. I have no way of not.

Sometimes I think we want understanding more so than contriteness. When my W asked me "which of the 4 OM bothered me the most", I thought wow she might be trying to really see from my perspective. She quickly backed off as she was uncomfortable with that question, it was like she had surprised herself by asking it.

I doubt she could make the connection between my binge eating when she leaves me alone in the house, and my feelings of abandonment and worthlessness from when she cheated on me.

God Bless
Gamma

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