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That sounds like bullying and intimidation Kiss.
From your account, she did not want you there. But yet you used the law to force her to let you in.
Explain to me how that is showing you love her, that your protecting her, and are willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage by this bullying and intimidation.
Oh but wait, we are supposed to hold your hand, walk you thru the MB program for the umptenth time because "you just dont get it", and make it easy for you because you are so sad and desperate because RQ will not talk to you. Please, you are continuing to waste everyone's time.
Your side of the street is a train wreck and all you do is complain and point fingers.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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She told the judge in her statement that I was drunk and threating her and she was scared for her and the kids safety. I have never in 14 years ever threatened or touched my wife. I would never do that. She knows that. And once upon a time she never thought you'd cheat on her either. Your claim of "I would never do that" has zero weight. THAT she knows. No WS would ever do this or that...until he/she does it. 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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INDIEGIRL,
I didn't go because she talked about going to her moms for a couple of days. Then she didn't mention it anymore. She seemed fine and I thought we would work through it. Thats been the hardest thing through our recovery she would not give me a lot of feed back. I would only find out about stuff when she posted. She said many of times that something bothered her or she had an issue with something long after the time of something happening.
The part of lying I thought that if you don't tell the truth thats lying. Maybe im wrong.
I am not blame shifting. I take full responseability for my actions and all the damage I have done. I am extremely sorry for what I have done and it crushes me everyday. Everyday I can't kiss or hold my wife. Conversate with my wife, text or call my wife. get my kids up for school or play video games or watch movies or tuck them in at night. Get them their water and milk and chocolate milk for bed. Does it seem like its working out well for me?
If she treated me the way I treated her I would feel the same way she does but I still don't think I could ever let her go.
KISS
KISS
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You pushed her away. You MADE her go. You ran all over her and if she is done, you need to let her go.
Do what is required of you in the Plan B letter -- make the changes, no more friendly texts with women, etc, etc -- you know, the obvious shiznola that you keep being TOLD to do!
She wouldn't give you feedback? Have you considered that she just quit giving it to you because you WERE NOT LISTENING?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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INDIEGIRL,
I didn't go because she talked about going to her moms for a couple of days. Then she didn't mention it anymore. She seemed fine and I thought we would work through it. Thats been the hardest thing through our recovery she would not give me a lot of feed back. I would only find out about stuff when she posted. She said many of times that something bothered her or she had an issue with something long after the time of something happening.
The part of lying I thought that if you don't tell the truth thats lying. Maybe im wrong.
I am not blame shifting. I take full responseability for my actions and all the damage I have done. I am extremely sorry for what I have done and it crushes me everyday. Everyday I can't kiss or hold my wife. Conversate with my wife, text or call my wife. get my kids up for school or play video games or watch movies or tuck them in at night. Get them their water and milk and chocolate milk for bed. Does it seem like its working out well for me?
If she treated me the way I treated her I would feel the same way she does but I still don't think I could ever let her go.
KISS
KISS None of this contributes towards you making a plan to fix this situation. I repeat what indiegirl said: "Kiss, get real. You need to learn the principles on your own. Listen to the radio show every day and read the material." You haven't been willing to learn and follow good marriage principles. Your wife is right to want you out. You were beyond wrong to try to force your way back in on your terms. If you really want her, start following indie's advice. Get real. Learn and practice these principles. According to the principles, your wife is right to want you out until you are ready to build a life that doesn't make her suffer and feel depressed all the time. I have no sympathy for your sadness and depression, because you have none for your wife's, which has gone on for far longer and deeper than yours, which has apparently only been around for a couple of days.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Kiss,
What's the deal?
When is your appointment for the POLY?
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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I'm very concerned for your wife.
What are you doing to protect her financially?
Are you allowing her full access to bank accounts?
Are you setting up your checks to be deposited directly into your marital bank accounts so she can pay bills and provide for the children's needs?
OR??
Are you playing the wayward money game?
Withholding funds, withdrawing monies, closing accounts, etc.
Which is it??
I typically see the latter one being employed by the wayward spouse in your situation. Please tell me I'm wrong and that you are demonstrating your love, care and concern by not playing the wicked financial games.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Whether or not you EVER get back with your BW, you need fixing from the foundation up. That is something you can work on ~ on your own ~ without any input from her. It's something you need to work on.
What is your plan to fix YOU?
This site has many resources, and plenty of them are auditory. Have you been listening to the radio show? Great advice for free all week long. Hopefully you'll keep posting, also. You've been so resistant to even the most basic changes, but I think if you stick around as long as it takes, that you'll begin to understand what needs to change and why.
One reason it's so important to learn from other people's stories is that it's much easier to see what OTHER people need to fix than ourselves. But when we see what those other people need to fix, and then realize the similarity to ourselves, then we can better see what we need to change, as well.
Leave RQ alone. Fix your own mess. Clean up what you can control, which is YOU. That's what your plan needs to center around. And believe me, you do need a plan. It's here if you want it.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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kiss, you realize, do you not, that there are MANY posters who arrived here at this site with a wayward spouse who was in an ACTIVE affair??
and despite going through that immense pain of betrayal, despite not getting any ENs met, despite some of them being kicked out of their houses are able to pull themselves together, read and implement the plans here at the site?
Whining is not going to do anything for you other than annoy people so CUT IT OUT.
You are getting SO MUCH more help than I did when I got here. Click on my user name and click on "posts". Then click on "topics created" and go back to the first one.
At that time, I had never been more angry or hurt in my life...and I wasn't even entirely sure if I wanted to save my M....yet I read the site & every single response I got at least 5 times. I would have been thrilled to be getting the support you are.
But no...not you. More squandering of the opportunity you have to make use of the resources and help available at this site.
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Herpapabear,
I told her sister inlaw and our intermedary on Saturday that I would do it ASAP. I also told rocketqueen two weeks ago I would do it. I haven't heard anything back.
anxiously awaiting,
KISS
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She may be waiting for you to go ahead and DO IT. Remember, you have promised to do things before and then not done them.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Herpapabear,
I have $1200 a month into our joint account a month. I have the balance put into my own account.
KISS
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This is part of your problem. Instead of waiting for a fortuitous alignment of ANYTHING, you need to be actively taking action to change your habits and thought patterns. Why wait for something that may never come? Get busy!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Sitting in my car at a stewerts gas station thinking about tomorrow and nervous for my buddy John as him and his wife follow his father to the hospital as they believe he had a stroke. I guess me not having any place to go isn't that
Important. my prayers are with my buddy.
Kiss
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You are having a pity party and that will not help you get ANYWHERE!
Get off your butt and do what is required of you! There has been plenty of advice given to you and you are only going "woe is me" and thinking how unlucky you are and you only seem interested in getting your wife's pity.
You DO know she isn't reading your thread, don't you?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Herpapabear,
I have $1200 a month into our joint account a month. I have the balance put into my own account.
KISS  I was hoping you would want them above poverty level....
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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I read your thread and its sad your using emotional blackmail to have your cake and eat it too. Step back and look in the mirror and ask yourself what did you do to get yourself in this situation. Then do the opposite, follow the advice, better yourself and your wife will see the change.
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I will put everything into our joint account. but I would have no idea what's left or what she plans on taking out. I don't care about the money. I want to do what is right.
Kiss
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kiss, i count 411 posts on your thread. over 400! and you feel like you're not getting fb? really? i don't think i've ever seen a post from you where you've said, "here is what we're doing for UA time this week." or "here's how i met RQs ENs this week." it's like your thread is a .gif, forever on loop. "here i am, needing help. help please." several posts of help. crickets from you. then, "here i am, needing help. help please." and so on, and so on. if we feel this frustrated with you, i can only imagine how royally pissed off RQ must feel! do you realise how lucky you are she hasn't just walked out the door and called it quits? she must really love you to keep trying and keep trying. but that doesn't mean you can keep taking her love for granted, because it WILL run out. one of these days, your post is going to be, "help! RQ has left me and i don't know what to do!"kiss, if anything, i just feel sad for you. you seem to live to work, and man, your life is so much *more* than work! as a supervisor, there has to be *some* way to deal with your workload and job-related stress. but you see, no one is going to come take your hand and walk you through it. you need to deal, man! you need to get your priorities straight and take the action (many actions) that need to occur if you want to stay in your M. it's simple, really. if you don't pull finger, your M isn't going to be there anymore. RQ certainly has a boatload of patience that i don't possess. but eventually, that patience will have run dry, her lovebank will be so far in the red that you will *never* be able to fill it up again, and she's going to walk away from you with a light heart, because the end of her M will only be a relief to her. i'm sorry to be so harsh on you, but kiss, i just want to scream "wake the eff up!" it' not rocket science! you know her needs, you know how to fill them, you have this magnificent resource available to you, you have an *amazing* offer from HHH, and you just...aren't.  over a month ago, and nothing's changed, except that i had no idea RQ was so close to her boiling point. and don't even give us that [censored] about giving the kids hot chocolate, putting them to bed, etc. by your own admission, you work so much you were an absent father anyhow. you're just being your usual self: manipulative. there's an expression that fits you perfectly: too little, too late.
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Herpapabear,
What should I do about a place to stay? I don't want to move into an apartment and sign a lease. or move some where and go out and buy furniture and my wife want my sorry A** Back then have an extra bed, couch and so on. Not knowing what her plans are kills me. Friends tell me to move on. They don't understand. My buddy that I'm staying with said I could stay until I to to court tomorrow. What did you do?
Thanks,
KISS
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