Ive been married for 17 yrs. We have 3 children ages 12, 14, 15. After reading some of DR Harleys books i now know that ive been very controlling and abusive. I feel the books were written about me not for me.

My wife has finally had enough. So we're sepperated. I'm trying to keep her from filing for divorce. She is in the stage where she just wants her space and i'm trying to honor that. I've been failing miserably. I keep trying to fix rather than respect her wishes. I've gone through the self pitty and the crying and now I just need to know the right moves so I don't keep pushing her away.

She does text me at night sometimes and I know that she loves me. She is just at her wits end. She put a lot of effort into our marriage and got abuse in return. I've said horrible, hurtful things when I couldn't control a situation and she got tired of it. To top it off she found out I had been texting an old girlfriend too.We never met anywhere or did anything but the damage is still the same.

Im in councling for my angry outbursts and my behavior but im worried im too late. I know I need a lot of work on myself first and I really am trying I just need help in not screwing up anymore with her. I know if I keep pushing her I am done.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Why in the world were you texting an old girlfriend?

On your other thread it says you had an affair. Please provide the details of your affair. Was it this old girlfriend? Or did the affair happen first and then, despite your wife giving you another chance, you are continuing to text old girlfriends?

It's not correct to say you "never did anything." This in itself is devastating enough. If it happened after an affair, it's a sure sign that you cannot be trusted.

I would imagine your wife can't possibly recover with you until you change your untrustworthy ways.

I felt our sex life was slipping and i needed something more. I was wrong. The texting was the affair and I have nothing to do with her now or ever will again. when I said we never did anything i just meant we never met anywhere or had sex. I know its still cheating.

What actions and EPs have you put in place for your BW to give you another chance?

I apologize i dont know all the abbreviations. My wife found out in May and gave me a chance. I should have looked for help then. but thought i could change on my own. I ruined that chance with being controling and abusive. I started out ok but ended up going back to my old habits. I took a gift and ruined it. I just want to start doing things right

Acronyms and Abbreviations

When did you separate?

How long have you been mistreating your wife?

Do your children understand the real reasons for the separation?

Welcome to MB

In addition to these questions.

Who was your OW?
What boundaries have you put in place?
What do you mean by your "controlling and abusive" actions? And what are you doing to change that?

bnmt,

Your first post was on 10/23, it was replied to by markos who happens to be an excellent resource with regards to AO's and abusive behaviors. It has taken you over a week to repost and seek help again. Why?

The Marriage Builders program is the best opportunity for you to get your wife to fall back in love with you again, and to create a better marriage than you have ever had, but it requires ACTION, not once a week postings. Are you ready to take action?

The ow was a very old gf. She lives 200 miles away and I've blocked her phone number and on Fb.I never laid a hand on my wife, I just tried to control. When she stood up to me I threatened divorce like it was easy. Now she's giving me what I asked for.

Even worse, 2 yrs ago we found out our oldest daughter was being molested by a friend. My wife says I abandoned them by losing myself in work. That's all I did was work. I let her deal with everything.

We've only been separated a few days and I'm having a hard time not finding out how she is or what she's doing.she keeps getting more and more upset with me. Do I stand a chance? Or is it hopeless? I go to the doc for meds tomorrow and later the counselor

Yes I want to take action. I tried fixing it for a week. But all I do is the wrong move. Please help

Do you have the book Surviving An Affair?

Also read this? Come back and ask questions.
Recovery After an Affair

No neither.

I have love busters and his needs her needs. I think I'm putting the cart before the horse.

Read this.
Recovery After an Affair

Ok, I've read it. And I agree with it. Right now I need help in not pushing her away and respecting her space. Our texts are rare and casual. And she don't know weather she has any more try in her. All I seem to do is push her buttons.

Yes you're correct you need to respect her.

Where is she living right now?
Kids? How old?