This also.
How to Plan B Correctly

Thank you for those links, will read it asa I can. At the moment we are packing the entire house, I am exhausted.
This is good bc I don't have the time to think too much and being around him is ok.
I am still on "happy pills" and I strongly recommend them to anybody going through the emotional rollercoster.
I think very clearly, no crying, no needy behavior, just pleasant, happy me!
My letter is ready, my plan B is set up, just a matter of two days and I am on the plane to London! Hurray!
I work from home so won't need to look for a job, which is a bonus, need to find schools for my girls, they need to catch up with English and that is it.
New life, new beginning....

On the other note, my WH is very sad, miserable, and very absent. Doesn't look me in the eye, rarely talks and seems withdrawn.
Seeing me so happy probably doesn't help.
He told me that I should have stayed till Christmas for the girls to have good time
He is crazy! What would that really change???
Spoke with my MIL and she was so lovely. She spoke with him b4 and told me that he is lost.....
Tomorrow I am going with my WH and my girls to say goodbye to my SIL, that's gonna be fun!
Off to pack more boxes, oh dear, seems that we have accumulated so much junk over 3 years, how is this possible?

It would change the fantasy in his head. He does not care about the girls "having a good time," he cares about having his fantasy. You're busting it up.

It is wonderful that you have an ally in your MIL, you have a gift many BSs do not.

However do be careful to tell her to say NOTHING of WH during your Plan B. NOTHING.

CZ,
I just wanted to say how impressed I am with your strength. Wow. I salute you.

thank you karmasrose,
will need to put things straight with his family. My MIL went through the same thing so she understands me well. I also have support of my SIL which thinks that her brother simply lost it!

FindingFreedom, thank you so much for your wonderful comment.

I feel strong, very strong, I do not dwell on the past anymore, understand my mistakes and want to move forward.

There are so many wonderful things in life that have not happened to me yet.
So many incredible people to cross my path.
I want to continue to learn and grow for me, my girls and others.
If he ever decides to come back, fantastic, if not, fantastic too!

CZ,
Wondering how you are doing today and if you are that plane yet ? How are your girls ?
You are in my thoughts.
FF

FF,
thank you!
I am in London now, finally feel like at home.
I am staying with my cousin until I sort myself out ( flat, schools etc.

I miss him a lot but I am convinced that with time will miss him less and less.

today he phoned and I automatically picked my mobile so just said hello and that we are ok and passed it to the girls. He will be calling again later to talk to them again.

I gave him my planB letter at the airport and he told me that if he could turn back the time he would reconsider his decision.

I am going to change my tel number today so he won't be able to contact me at all.

Have a lot of things to do, keeping busy keeps me sane!

I have been thinking about you and hoping you made it okay. Thank you for checking in with us.

And the girls--are they doing okay ? Do they have any memories of London, or just the other place you moved from ?

Keep your chin up.

Which decision would he reconsider? The decision to sign the papers allowing you to go home with your children? Or the decision to have an affair?

I haven't posted to you, but I have read your thread. I found out about my H's affair immediately following our move to a foreign location. Not only was I devastated by the knowledge of the affair, but, like you, I was still trying to work on the moving arrangements, adjust to a new culture, missing everyone back home, etc. Keep your own boundaries high.

And congratulations for getting this far. Kudos to you for holding it together.

In Plan B, and in your home location, you will be in a much healthier place, one that is safer for you emotionally. Rely on the guidance you receive from other Plan B-ers who have been successful in their walk. Some have recovered their marriage, some have not, but they have all recovered themselves.

FF,
my older girl remembers London, we visited three times in two years, the younger one doesn't know what's happening. Today she told me she wants to go back to Spain... I know it will take a while to adapt, they both speak English fluently, have family in here and of course I am way happier here!

Longwayfromhome ( wonderful name, would suit me well a while ago...)

He meant that he would break off with her and try again with me. But it is too late now.
I need to take care of myself and my girls and not think about him at all. Extremely difficult.
Will see how I feel in two months when he comes over for Christmas.
I should be much stronger by then ( I just need to be extremely strict with planB)

Also what is killing me is not able to know what's happening with him and OW. I am sure he is enjoying his freedom now... and she is sharing it with him :o(
Hopefully not for too long.

Glad you and the girls made it safe.

So what's your plan to plug up any holes?

You're changing your number? What about all other contact info. Emails? social networking?
You have an IM?

Did your Plan B letter express that you are willing to work on recovery when he is willing to break it off with OW and commit to NC for life and also to a recovery program?

BrainHurts,
I changed my Spanish mobile to UK one, he doesn't have the new number.
He has my email address as I forwarded to him several articles from this site ( great info that I don't think he was ready to read). If he ever emails me I will pass his message to my IM without reading it.

I have my FB set up to upload my girls photos for him and my friends/family from Spain. I want him to see that we are great here and to miss us even more!

Pokerface,
Yes, I explained this to him on several occassions that I am willing to work on our R even if for the sake of our girls, he was not interested at the time.
I have confirmed this info in my plan B letter, he is perfectly aware that the OW has to be completely out of the picture for us to start over.
He has not phoned today yet, might be calling my old number, but he has my cousins tel and my sisters so it cannot be this difficult to get in touch with us.
The girls are hardly asking for him, in fact today they did not mention him even once.

I am looking for a flat which is very difficult to rent without two months deposit/rent in advance which I do not have.
Will need to call the council and ask for single mother/homeless scheme to help me out at least for a while.

I had a bit tough evening yesterday, cried and felt really down, but today has been great.
Did not have time to think of him, too busy sorting out schools, doctors etc.
Wine helps too...

You do understand with not changing your email and facebook those are holes in your plan B and that you really aren't in a Plan B.

Plan B must be completely dark with NO communication. With cracks in your Plan B will cause you pain. Please close up these holes.

BrainHurts
Did not understand plan B fully I guess, I thought that he cannot contact me but could view the girls photos on FB.

Now I have blocked him from my FB, so he cannot contact/ view my photos etc anylonger. I have it only for my friends and he isn't one of them....
My email is for my work, he never emails me to this account, only contacts me through my private hotmail account which I do not use anymore.
So I guess I plugged all the holes for now on.
I also don't see him really desperate to be in touch right now.

If it is work email and cant be changed , then set up a "rule". You can have his emails forwarded and deleted without you seeing them. You will trigger each time you have to foward an email even if you dont read it.

Good job, but I would delete the old hotmail account and set up a new one. If you keep this account then it is a way that he can slip through if he wants. He may not be desperate right now but after a short time he will and then you will be triggered.

Also use LuvsDavid's idea about the work email.

You were right, he is already emailing me to my work account to tell me that I have some stuff to pay in Spain, which I need to sort out.
Also he phoned today and spoke with my daughters and mentioned the OW, to which my older D10 replied that she hates her and doesn't want to ever see her again.
Since we arrived in the UK the OW name has never been mentioned, I do not allow her to be in our lives in any shape or form.
However my H thinks I make my children hate the OW and the truth is that my D10 found some private texts on my WH mobile on the last day in Spain, and went histerical that he and she ( OW) have been lying to her all the time.
It really upsets me that he is so twisted now and thinks that my D10's feelings are direct result of me talking about her badly ( which I admit I did) but not his actions!!!
Will change my work account too.
He said that emailing me cannot be THAT upsetting for me.
I was feeling so much better, now I am sick in my stomach again.

Czarne,

I am no plan B expert, but there are plenty BWs with excellent Plan B advice. You can see already how important it is to your well-being to plug the holes and make is impossible for your H to reach you.

Tell your daughter not to tell you about her conversations with he father. Tell her it is too upsetting. She knows he lied to her as well and that his affair is the reason her family is not together. Give her a big hug.

BTW, I didn't tell you before, but I think you did a great job of telling your husband his A was unacceptable and moving. Post D-day, it took me 5 days to finish cleaning a window that I had started when I discovered the A.

AM

This is what I was worried about for you.

Ok so work email is changed? What about calling you at work? Can he do this and how can you block this from happening?

Have you told your DD10 the truth about their father's affair? If so, she has every right to express to her father her disapproval of OW. Good for her.

What other holes can we plug up? What have you done for yourself? Self care in Plan B is very important.