parents just curious whether not u have followed any of the advice. have you exposed to anyone? Have u directed your daughter in law to this site?

I'm glad you're back, Mrs. PNH!

You did NOT make a mistake by coming here (as far as it goes). You asked back on your first thread something to the effect of how can you two parents help the son and DIL possibly recover. Here is the best (only worthwhile?) thing you can do here:

Convince (coerce, force, compel, order?) your WH son to get an identity here, log in, and ask for help himself. His initial reception will not be overly kind. If he's committed enough, he'll endure the first contacts, and start to read from the site, ask appropriate questions, and act on the answers. If he gets defensive and resentful, he will do himself no favors.

Everyone here has been in the furnace he's in right now. There are BWs, who can explain what his BW is enduring. There are WHs who can tell him what mistakes to avoid. WE WANT HIS MARRIAGE TO RECOVER.

Get him here. Go.

exposure has been to quite a few. List in previous post. DIL had been pointed to this site before my son admited his affair to me. I text DIL the web address to the MB:infidelity video that is on you tube. I also sent her a link to the forgiveness (I think it was a Q&A). I want to tell my son to TELL ALL to his BS. BS took phone away Monday AM. Now his phone is at a place to get all the messages retrieved. I cant take the advice to expose on facebook cuz the grandkids are on face book and DIL doesnt want them to know.

sounds like you've done all u can. When my WH left I spoke to my in laws everyday. It was a great comfort me. Keep directing S and DIL here. The vets will help them

If your DIL was to post here she could get a better insight on exposure to the kids from people who've done it. Kids sometimes know stuff too that they're too scared to share. They think it'll break up their parents.

Plus it is WONDERFUL to speak to other people who have been through it and you realise the intense pain, still loving them..is normal.

You feel like a weirdo when you're on your own

Thanks to all who have helped....I will ask S & DIL once more to check out this site. I know they have been spending all their time together (yest alone as a couple and today w/ the kids as a family). I have to say at this point in time I think that is the BEST thing for them! They have many decisions to make 1)job 2)new living arraingmetns 3) schools the list goes on.

Interesting. An earlier post said to not tell S about this site.

it depends. WS should not be invited here unless he is committed to recovery. this commitment is demonstrated by ACTION: writing the NC letter with the BSs input, for the BS to post, is the first step.

for a WS to come here without first being committed to recovery would only allow them to learn how to take the affair underground and become more entrenched. they will also be able to access every word the BS writes and reads, which is not helpful with an uncommitted WS, and absolutely detrimental to the BS. we have seen this before, unfortunately, too many times.

again, WORDS =/= commitment. ACTION = commitment.

a repentant WS can learn how to give JC to their BS and enable recovery IF they are committed. and MB is the best resource to rebuild a solid M.

a newly exposed WS is still an active WS (even if he has admitted the affair), and a dangerous person to the BS. he must go to NC and withdrawal from the OW before he is anywhere near useful to either himself or his BS. it really is just like a junkie coming off dope. they can't think straight until the dope is out of their system. even then, they are still broken, so having you guys in their corner to help support recovery of the M will be valuable.

please encourage your son to work together with his BS to write a NC letter. this must be in his own handwriting. there are samples here.

something you could do (which might help you feel better - action makes *everyone* feel better!) is run out and get a copy of SAA to give to your *DIL.* a gift from you to her in support of her M. tell her that you are sorry for what is happening in her M, and that you will support her in her recovery.

I don't know if S or DIL have posted to this forum or not. I talk to DIL almost daily about the infidelity.

She has contacted a lawyer. It will cost several hundred dollars to get a transcrip of teh sexting.

I have mixed feeligs about this but I know Dr H says for BS get all questions answered.

My question for this forum is...Should S be told about the money being spent for this transcript?

He wants to recover his marriage, correct?

So wouldn't he want to provide the money?

He wants to recover his marriage, correct?

So wouldn't he want to provide the money? [/quote]
I think he would agree that no amount of money should be spared to save his M but should he be told because of what the money is being used for?

Should he have this info before it is a done deal?

I think he would agree that no amount of money should be spared to save his M but should he be told because of what the money is being used for?

Should he have this info before it is a done deal? [/quote]

What will him knowing hurt? He can't change what the text say so what harm would it be for him to know that the money goes for? I would just pay for it and then tell him.

Frankly, i wouldn't be too concerned with telling him beforehand. I would just do it and then tell him later. That way there are no arguments and no way for him to circumvent. It really isn't that important to tell him beforehand.