I am ashamed. I am newly married. A female and trying very hard to be a committed, good wife. I do the wifely things; clean, do the laundry, cook, etc. I don't complain and enjoy these things. I make myself attractive to him, and I am fun to be with. However there are some traits that he has that is making me crazy. He lies. He lies and he also is stingy as heck. I try to navigate around these behaviors but its almost impossible to have a convo and not go headlong into one of his ridiculous garbled lectures on life, love, marriage etc. Designed to keep me in line. I am in line! Approx a month ago I had a surgery and I was very afraid so I asked my brother to come out and sit with me during the procedure cause I didn't trust him. I know.
At any rate when my brother showed up, this guy went crazy, he acted wierd, he started telling my brother I was a bad wife, that I talked to and emailed strange men on the computer, (delusions). He kept this up with me begging him to stop, even asking him to leave the house until I hit him across the face and then he stopped. He was in such shock. I hit him again and again until I was like a dervish. My brother didn't stop me he said, "that guy should have just left and let things cool down, but he kept running his mouth." I felt ashamed and I wish I could have taken it all back but I couldn't. Now I see he that when I lose control he just sits and takes it, and I feel bad and I feel like this relationship which started out "okay" is now on the slippery slope. I think he has mental problems and he is not physical with me at all, in fact he's very gentle. The only problem with him is his mouth and lies and delusions which are monumental one's. I want to stop being physical with him but I also want him to start listening to me, and to stop telling lies on me. I am trapped in the house most of the time so I think that doesn't help, when he comes home he has nothing to say to me, he just goes through his routines. We don't do anything or go anywhere because he's broke and in debt. He is religious and prays regularly. I stopped praying with him when I realized that his prayers and even his Bible reading was designed to "control" me and to teach me about the type of marriage he wants rather than being a good husband. I feel lost, lonely, and very tired of fighting with him. I have asked him to consider separating to give us some breathing room, but he wont' do that, always being passive aggressive. "What do you want to do?" I feel like I'm married to a ten year old.

What are you going to do to get your violence under control? Your husband is unsafe around you.

Listen to this.
Anger Mgmt 101

Here are some more.
Domestic Violence #1
Domestic Violence #2
Domestic Violence #3

You need to get yourself in line first. You have no right to hit your H EVER for any reason. If you were the husband and came here with this story, what would stand out in your story? What do YOU think the advice would be then? Why do you think this is different?

Yahoo
Do you think you could get your husband to come to this site and share his thoughts. It sounds like he is interested in having a wonderful marriage with you but perhaps is taking an ineffective path to it. (he actually sounds a little like me when I was younger, I'm sorry to say).

MB would be a good thing to try to implement for both of you as it would give him a sense of control (not over YOU but over his understanding of how a wonderful marriage can work). and you would benefit from learning more about the destructiveness of violent behaviors (AO's were also a problem for me during much of my marriage).

I wish you both well in your new marriage. You've taken a first step in making things better than you ever imagined by coming here.

~optimism

There should be no 'but' in this statement. You need to get your head wrapped around how wrong your thinking is. This one little word says a lot about how you feel almost justified in your actions. Guilty but justified.

If my wife were to ever strike me she would be putting our marriage in jeopardy. That is what you are doing. No one should ever have to tolerate this abuse.

When your mind is in the right place here is how you'd make that last statement:

"I am never going to be physical with him again and I am going to lay out a plan for him so he can be confident that it will never happen again.

I am going to communicate to him in a respectful, effective manner how his lies hurt me and ask that he find a way to eliminate them."

Thank you all for your advice. You are all right. Believe me, I have lambasted many women for taking abuse, and men for tolerating it. I actually don't know what came over me and what made me start hitting him when I have never done such a thing in my life. I suppose it is a good cautionary tale to never say never. I know it was pure frustration and anger, but that doesn't excuse it. I have to say too he was the first to hit me, he actually is very abusive in many ways and I guess after taking his abuse but trying to stay in the marriage I emotionally went black out. I know I need anger management and I am going to seek it out asap. I have alot of anger towards men, and towards people who have hurt and exploited me all my life and I think it is surfacing right now because he is triggering it. I am not seeking excuses, if it sounds that way, sorry but I am trying to do better. Thank you all for caring enough to be honest with me. I have told him I am sorry, and we are working hard on appreciating each other and growing up. Pray for us. Thank you

Did you listen to the radio clips I posted to you?

Do you have the book Love Busters? There is an excellent chapter on Angry outbursts. Stay around here and educate yourself. You will learn tons.

I really like your advice. I went back and re-read my post and you are right. Thank you

You seem to be married to someone with a personality disorder.
You reacted in a bad way to how he manifests that disorder.
It is unacceptable to be violent.
But ask yourself, is he willing to get therapy?
If no, you have to ask yourself if this is a marriage you belong in.

I am newly married...I feel like I'm married to a ten year old.

Cut your losses. Get out now.

(Left unsaid above, but vital to the discussion is, "How diligently did you have to look away from his pathological lying and delusions in your eagerness to get married?")