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She is using it as a tactic. I agree 100 percent. if inflicting pain on me helps her heal or give us a glimmer of a chance. I'm willing to take the risk.
KISS And why would you want to stay married to a woman you think resorts to using such underhanded tactics? 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Pffffft
Let me get my tissues out for kiss the victim.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Black raven,
This I think is because of this web site. It pushes this plan. "B" so hard that its the end all be all. I under stand the self healing piece and having seperation but this is not the way to do it. when a spouse is in the middle of an affair I DEFFINITLY understand. I do agree with a lot of the concepts of this web sit but not this. Rocketqueen is just doing as she is told by everyone on this web site. its not here fault. Like her mother said she drank the cool aid or something along those lines. My only concern is that she is so tangled in this that if someone told her jump she would.
Love rocket forever,
KISS
KISS
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kiss,
So, if I understand correctly, you do not believe that MB principles can improve your marriage. Rather, you see it as a cult that breaks up perfectly good marriages by suggesting that spouses who are not getting their needs met by their spouse separate.
Why are you here then if not to manipulate your wife into status quo? IMO, she should not let you return for a long, long, if ever. You demonstate no care for her whatsoever.
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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O my, do mi hear the wahhhhhhhhbulance?
You're not a victim, like the judge said, playing one is not going to serve you a thing.
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You're right that a bogus order would be denied. But RQs was not denied because it was true and there were police officers there on the night. Kiss has admitted himself he went out drinking and refused to leave when asked. He said the locks were changed - so how did he even get in!!! Have you read this thread? We are trying to get Kiss to behave more respectfully towards his wife and not bully his way in when she's had enough.
Last edited by CicadaMB; 10/31/12 07:52 PM. Reason: remove quote
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Black raven,
This I think is because of this web site. It pushes this plan. "B" so hard that its the end all be all. I under stand the self healing piece and having seperation but this is not the way to do it. when a spouse is in the middle of an affair I DEFFINITLY understand. I do agree with a lot of the concepts of this web sit but not this. Rocketqueen is just doing as she is told by everyone on this web site. its not here fault. Like her mother said she drank the cool aid or something along those lines. My only concern is that she is so tangled in this that if someone told her jump she would.
Love rocket forever,
KISS
KISS You're forgetting that being together with RQ in Plan A this past year has WORSENED your marriage and DAMAGED her love for you. She would love you more, and want recovery more, if she had not seen your antics this past year. Far from being told to 'jump' RQ stubbornly refused Dr Hs advice to do it for only three weeks to protect her mental health and lovebank for you because she loved you. She stuck it out. Last year RQ was desperate to save her marriage - but after a year of abuse she's fallen out of love with you. Perhaps forever. You may not be able to get her back in love with you BECAUSE she stuck it out too long. Women can't do that. We need to be cared for daily. Or kept somewhere safe so we don't fall out love with our spouses. If she had stayed in Plan B she would still love you today. She would have less things to resent. When RQ went into her first Plan B there was hope for the two of you because she still loved you. Now, she may very well say 'too little, too late' Plan B is to protect the lovebank. You've lied to her that entire year. You may well have killed her love. If we work on you (fast) and you keep away from her until you can present her with something that's GOOD for her lovebank, we MAY still have time to rescue this marriage. I don't care what you want/miss/need in the short term. This is your mess. If the consequences are only short term then you will be very lucky indeed. I'd rather you worked towards the long term goal so your kids have a shot of parents who stayed together and RQ gets a great husband - and you deserve that too. IF you EARN it.
Last edited by indiegirl; 10/31/12 06:17 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Yes, all plan B'ers are a bunch of MB zombies, they all drank the kool-aid....did you not get your serving yet? Oh wait, waywards do not get kool-aid.......they get a dose of reality. Wait, I am sounding like......could it be?......ohno, I am a MB zombie. 
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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On the subject of funds, for accommodation/poly you might want to consider selling your own possessions. The more meaningful the possession, the more repentant your action, kwim?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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OK, I know this message isn't for us. Stop trying to manipulate her into coming back with mere words. Isn't good enough. And if she is in Plan B, she would NO WAY read your thread, so all it's doing is pissing people off.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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She is using it as a tactic. I agree 100 percent. if inflicting pain on me helps her heal or give us a glimmer of a chance. I'm willing to take the risk. Black raven,
This I think is because of this web site. It pushes this plan. "B" so hard that its the end all be all. I under stand the self healing piece and having seperation but this is not the way to do it. when a spouse is in the middle of an affair I DEFFINITLY understand. I do agree with a lot of the concepts of this web sit but not this. Rocketqueen is just doing as she is told by everyone on this web site. its not here fault. Like her mother said she drank the cool aid or something along those lines. My only concern is that she is so tangled in this that if someone told her jump she would.
Love rocket forever,
KISS I actually stepped into your thread again beacause I thought you were showing signs of being sweetly broken.... You have only shown your true colors! You are no where close to being sweetly broken..... these two posts say it all..... You are a sick little man! I'm outta here. RQ if you are reading this, please run! Fast!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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I agree his attitude towards RQ taking her much needed break is alarming.
Its like he only cares about what she can do for him.
I do really, really hope though that he can turn this around fast.
He may already be too late. RQ seemed done before she stopped posting. I'm not even sure this is Plan B, its very possibly just silence before Plan D.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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RQ if you are reading this I'd stake a months salary that she isn't and she's dead serious this time.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Black raven,
This I think is because of this web site. It pushes this plan. "B" so hard that its the end all be all. I under stand the self healing piece and having seperation but this is not the way to do it. when a spouse is in the middle of an affair I DEFFINITLY understand. I do agree with a lot of the concepts of this web sit but not this. Rocketqueen is just doing as she is told by everyone on this web site. its not here fault. Like her mother said she drank the cool aid or something along those lines. My only concern is that she is so tangled in this that if someone told her jump she would.
Love rocket forever,
KISS
KISS kiss, you don't understand what Plan B is or how it helps your wife. You've listened to Dr. Harley for how many hours of the radio show, now? How many times have you heard Dr. Harley advise Plan B, so far? I don't think you're really in any position to understand the concepts and plans, yet, because you really haven't invested a lot of time in learning what they are or what their benefits are.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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She is using it as a tactic. I agree 100 percent. if inflicting pain on me helps her heal or give us a glimmer of a chance. I'm willing to take the risk. Black raven,
This I think is because of this web site. It pushes this plan. "B" so hard that its the end all be all. I under stand the self healing piece and having seperation but this is not the way to do it. when a spouse is in the middle of an affair I DEFFINITLY understand. I do agree with a lot of the concepts of this web sit but not this. Rocketqueen is just doing as she is told by everyone on this web site. its not here fault. Like her mother said she drank the cool aid or something along those lines. My only concern is that she is so tangled in this that if someone told her jump she would.
Love rocket forever,
KISS I actually stepped into your thread again beacause I thought you were showing signs of being sweetly broken.... You have only shown your true colors! You are no where close to being sweetly broken..... these two posts say it all..... You are a sick little man! I'm outta here. RQ if you are reading this, please run! Fast! Yep, I have to agree.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Im sorry for the post about plan B. Indiegirls post has given me more info about why you go through a plan B. I have had people post and read about it but I guess I just didn't get it. I was frustrated and hurt when I did post that. I need to take my emotions out of it. I will think more before I speak(type).
KISS
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Two lines of text and the use of the word I or me 10 times. That pretty much sums up your approach to life, all about you and what you want.
Where am I going to stay? How can I save money? How can I get my wife to do what I want her to do?
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Kiss being hurt is natural. We've all experienced the hurt of loss here and we are all supporters of marriage. But your hurt is not the priority. Your hurt won't solve anything. I'm glad my post helped and I hope to continue to see progress in your understanding.
But you are MILES away from being ready for RQ.
Learn, learn, learn! Then we may get somewhere.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Kiss, even though HPB has ducked out I would still answer the Qs on the thread he posted for you. It'll help.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Re: Making things right [Re: HerPapaBear]
HerPapaBear
Member
Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 2782
Humility - This is an ongoing demonstartion of your character, so what are you doing everyday to demonstrate it?
Remorse - This is an action that, not an emotion. Guilt is an emotion often confused as remorse. What actions have you taen to show your remorse and what actions are you taking daily?
_________________________
tst
FWH(me)46; BW 45(SexyMamaBear); Recovery began 10/07;
7 Wonderful Kids Together, DS21,DD18,DS16,DS13,DS11,DD8 & DD5
Our latest addition was on 1/31/12 a beautiful 4 yr old DD adopted from China.
We Are So Blessed!
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
Herpapabear,
Humility- I am praying to God everyday for help. As I know I do not deserve Rocketqueen and my kids for what I have done. But to still maybe someday have a chance I am so greatful. I know I don't deserve what I have been given.
Remorse- I show remorse by showing Im guilty. I have conversations with our friends on how I screwed up by having an affair. Letting them see the damage I've done to not only Rocketqueen and the kids but also myself. I have been trying to explain to them the benefits of marriage builders and how important UA time is to a marriage even when things are good so you don't lose your selves in life or work.
(just had this conversation with my best friend who has just had his 1 year anniv. about an hour ago)
HerPapaBear please give feedback.
KISS
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