indiegirl,

already working on it.

KISS

You have screwed up even more than your affair, kiss. Are you really so blind and clueless that you don't see how you insult your wife? You think very little of her.

Good stuff.

Prepare for this to be a very long process. Months at least.

And at the end of it it is still RQs pregorative to not choose you if she feels she cannot. But the time will improve YOU. And that is all you control.

I'd answer those thread questions, then review your thread, answering qs you skipped initially.

I'd also post a note about the radio show each day, what you heard and what you understand by it.

I'd also pledge to NOT interfere with RQs Plan B in any way. That will only achieve a hurt, broken angry RQ. Don't try to reach her, speak with her, get messages to her or manipulate her. It will undo your potential efforts before they have even began.

Surrender emotionally before me and spiritually before God - When we surrender, we raise our white flag and give it all to God. We cease fighting everything and everyone. We Wholly Surrender. Have you tried to take over in any areas, or started making decisions independently again? Or are you falling to your knees daily and discussing every decision with your wife and with God?

Godly sorrow (not fleshly sorrow) (Godly: sorry that I ever had the A & did this to our family. Fleshly: sorry I hurt you)- What does this mean to you? Are you still thinking about this? Do you still have times that you grieve? Are you grieving this together with your wife or alone?


_________________________
tst

FWH(me)46; BW 45(SexyMamaBear); Recovery began 10/07;
7 Wonderful Kids Together, DS21,DD18,DS16,DS13,DS11,DD8 & DD5
Our latest addition was on 1/31/12 a beautiful 4 yr old DD adopted from China.


We Are So Blessed!

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.

HerPapaBear,

Surrender emotionally before me and spiritually before God -
I do pray constanly asking for help and guidance. I keep thinking through every decision is this what is best for Rocketqueen. Would God agree. Without his blessing this will not work. I am ashamed by what I have done. I have been raised in a Godly house hold and spent probably 3 maybe 4 days a week at church between Sunday Mass, youth group gatherings, working at the church (maitenance), meetings with my father who was the wardan or printing Sundays pamphlets.

Godly sorrow (not fleshly sorrow) (Godly: sorry that I ever had the A & did this to our family. Fleshly: sorry I hurt you)- To me this is a feeling of disappointment! I let God and my family down. I think about this constantly. I do grieve constantly. It's a hevy burden to bare. I have never shared this with RocketQueen. Our beliefs are different. I have grown up feeling like you need to be or act like Jesus Christ every minute. You need to walk the walk. She has said that as long as you do the right thing and are a good person you will go to heaven. I don't believe that. I feel like I am a huge disappointment to God. This is before RocketQueen as we meet a month before I turned 22. Thats just over 14 years ago. I felt like I could not be good enough for God when I was probably about 18. I thought it was to hard. That their was no way I could be like Jesus. I have realized over the past couple of months that it can be done one decision or one thought at a time.

KISS

I just went to the bank to put back the $10k that I took out of the bank before Rocket threw me out. it will take until November 12th to process the cancelled certified bank check that I took it out on. So on the 12 th I have to go back so they can reissue the check and put it back in our account.

small steps to goal

KISS

I just went to the bank to put back the $10k that I took out of the bank. it will take until November 12th to process the cancelled certified bank check that I took it out on. So on the 12 th I have to go back so they can reissue the check and put it back in our account.

small steps to goal

KISS

Why did you take out 10k out of the bank in the first place? Is RQ aware that you did this? Are you trying to withold marital funds from RQ?

Why not just re-deposit the certified bank check?

Northwood8900,

Rocketqueen took the check out of my car. Her lawyer has it and said to not give it back. So instead of being able to put It in our account today and pay for her $1200 fix her car. we are having to pay her rather back in two weeks. I hate putting that burden on them. So frustrated trying to take care of my issues but feel like I'm trying to swim with my hands tied. Trying to come up with more options for money sooner.

KISS

You did not answer these questions.

This does not make sense. What did you mean to say?

Why did you take 10k from your account so that your wife no longer had access to it? Was this withdrawal agreed between you and her? If not, did you tell her about it after you had done it? After you separated, did you send the money back to her now that your jointly agreed plan for the money was not going through? If not, why not?

Logans_run,

It was because of stupidity. I was worried about rocket taking it. and hidding it from me. We both with drew money from our 401k accounts. she paid her car off and I'm not really sure what she did with the rest. I took out my money to send to my parents in Florida who are helping us look for a house. Rocket took it out of my checking account and put it in our joint account. I was nervous what she was doing. so I wanted to use it for what we intended not for it to be used on other things. So I had a certified bank check made to my dad so I could send it to him. Had it in my car and rocketqueen has a key to my car and she took it and gave it to her lawyer.


KISS

Sorry what I ment was we have to pay rocketqueens father back. she is using his firestone card to pay it. No. we did not discuss it. I didn't tell here because I knew she would know soon enough because she is always on line. I'm putting it back but that is still the plan.

KISS

You should leave it there. If she wants to take money to use, that is her business. She is entitled to money in the joint account and you are NOT the one who gets to decide if she is entitled to it or not.

Karmasrose,

That is the plan.

KISS

Trying to come up with the money for the lie detector test. Its very frustrating because we have money with this check that wont clear until the 12th, I have stocks that i wont get money for probably a week and a half, I would sell my Kiss pin collection but again it would take to long to list on ebay and get the payment. The only thing I can think of is to sell my gold chain that I bought when i was 20. I had it appraised for about 3k years ago. I hope to get the $600 I need for the lie detector test. I hope this gives my Chalupee some forcloser and helps her heal from my stupidity.

KISS

Aren't all those frustrations and delays a direct result of your attempt to convert marital assets?

KISS, if it weren't for the fact that RQ and your children are affected by all of this, your blatant ignorance to the depth of your problems might actually be amusing. As it is, it's painful, because I can empathize with them. I wish for just a minute you could see yourself as you are instead of the amazing awesome kiss that you think you are. YOU LOST YOUR WIFE, MAN!!! Why are you wasting our time with dribble of what you think your sacrifices are instead of just doing what you have to do, with no back pats, to make some amends for the pain you've inflicted on your wife???

I have a recommendation for you...email Dr. Harley and ask to go on the show. Don't just send an email with your explanation for things, though, but actually write to Joyce and Dr. Bill that people on the forum have been telling you for a year you don't get it, and you don't understand what you arent getting, and your wife has now left and has a restraining order against you, and refer them specifically to your thread. Say you want to be a caller on the show and include your phone. Umber. Come back and post here and tell us what day your going to be on the show. Then accept all feedback/suggestions afterward.

I doubt you will actually do this, but if you did you might get a person or two on here giving you another shot to be helped. Because I don't think you realize it, but none of us are drinking your koolaid and believing you are being honest to this forum or putting any meaningful effort into actually trying to recover your marriage or become a better person than you are right now.

Nice post and ideas jen.

I'm just getting caught up on your thread.
First, you don't cash in a retirement fund for a lie detector test. That is not wise.
From readin your thread it appears that you both have terrible financial management skills. A cardinal rule of financial management is not to cash in your retirement funds. I encourage you to find another way to do this test.

It won't benefit you to pass the test and be destitute.
In fact take some time to enroll in a financial management course. I know where you are financially, I'm nearly bankrupt myself

I agree with Neak and think that you should focus on self improvement.
Start with the basics, eating healthy, exercise, mental health - read something interesting , dont be a mental loaf.
I know that you are a workaholic (I've been one too) so I would caution you not to bury yourself in work but try to improve yourself.
The first thing you need to focus on is financial management because your marriage will always suffer (individually if you end up divorcing too) without proper financial management.
Are you exercising? If not then start.
Start reading books.
Watch some classic John Wayne movies to help you be masculine.