Wow kiss.

You may be seeing some of the light. Please keep reading and listening to the radio show. I learn something new every time.

Brainhurts,

I have argued with RQ about how much she is on this web site reading other betrayed spouses threads. I have told her that it isn't good for her as she keeps living my affair over and over again. Its hard for a alcoholic to stop drinking if they live in a bar.

But I feel for me it is a huge help because I see what damage I have caused by hearing peoples pains and heart break. The radio show lets me hear what they have been through and you can hear the pain and suffering their spouses have caused. As I keep thinking what a crappy husband or wife how could they do that to that poor woman all the pain that she is feeling. He can be out their doing his thing while he has a devistated wife and confussed kids at home. Then I realize that piece of crap was me. Then I wonder how the hell does he think she can stay with him after he did that to her. Then again I realize I am asking my wife to stay with me!!!

KISS

Hearing about other people's betrayal doesn't hurt a betrayed wife. It just makes you feel less alone, less of a freak. the support from other women is actually quite wonderful on here.

I have been reading threads daily on here since DDay last year and I havent had any triggers for a long time.

It's the risk of being hurt more in the marriage itself that causes triggers.

If a BW can have a safe marriage, or if she leaves the dangerous marriage she wont have any more triggers.

Kiss, glad to see your comments about the radio show. I'd really like to see you develop a plan (and maybe this is what Dr. Harley can help you with) of what you would offer to do for recovery if RQ was ever interested.

But please be aware that we see through a lot of what you say. You can't just be 75% and hope that will be good enough, marriage is absolute commitment. So...what about that polygraph? And why are you still trying to minimize your inappropriate OS relationships?? It wasn't just a few texts, and you need to get to the point where you can understand the whole problem and your actions in their entirety.


Let me share a little tidbit for you from my WH's A. I caught him on Facebook chatting with a woman we used to know in our old town through the kids, someone we hadn't seen in a couple of years but who a friend warned me was interested in H and I told him at the time to keep his boundaries high. He had erased all of their previous conversations but I could tell from what I saw they'd been chatting for some time. Even though he was talking about our marriage, it was so misrepresented it was clear he was rewriting not just history but the present. My H hadn't really been talking to me for a few days, and I was sleeping in my own room to not feel so lonely with him. And in that chat that I saw, you know what is seared into my memory, the most painful part? He asked her how her back was doing tonight. Now if you can tell me why that hurt the worst, maybe you're getting somewhere...so that's your next assignment.

Kiss, I'm glad that you have decided to learn more about MB.

One thing about your last few posts though. Read through them and see how often you were looking for things to improve in YOURSELF and how often you were blaming RQ. This is part of the wayward fog. As well as the pot shots at the posters that are trying to help you save your marriage.

I really hope that you become an unrepentant wayward, and not even to save your marriage. You need to do this for your children, and for yourself. Living a life as a wayward goes against everything that is right, and it eats away at your soul.

Instead of listening to the shows and finding things that RQ could improve, or things that SHE did wrong, listen with the intent on YOU becoming the best spouse possible. You have commited the most horrible crime against your marriage. NOTHING RQ has done even compares to it. Not even if you add them up all together.

And I want you to stop dismissing your affair. The fact is, you were still married when you separated and you commited adultery while blameshifting on RQ. You began your affair before you separated, and continued while separated. That is all on YOU. Until you can take responsibility for it, you are no where near safe enough to recover with.

And please continue to post as we will be able to help you defog. It's one of the reasons we encouraged you to post before. Don't edit yourself, because we need to know what you are actually thinking to be able to point out your areas to improve.

Jennifervoyager,

I believe it to be the most painful because he showed compassion and caring for a mother woman. It showed that he was concerned for a woman other then you. He had taking a true interest in her well being.

Thank you this definitely helps me understand.

KISS

Scotty,

Ido not blame RQ for my affair. it is on me. It was my own poor judgement or lake their of. Nothing that RQ did caused my affair. It was my lack of boundries and lack of protecting my top emotional needs. That's why the affair happened. Dr. Harley said on the radio broadcast yesterday that if you have a great marriage and your spouse is meeting your top emotional needs you can still end up having an affair. Its all about protecting your EN.

KISS

Today's foghorn alert:


Ghengis Khan was nice to lots of people, besides the ones that he murdered.

That pesky "besides" pretty much erases the first part of that sentence, doesn't it? As long as you still put a "besides" next to those text messages, it will erase most of what you said before, too.

Antifog moment #2:

Does she keep living your ADULTERY over and over again because of other people, or because of YOU? Your behavior, past and present, has traumatized her to the point where she will take YEARS to heal, and years longer than what it took most of us, because you have damaged her far past the average BW.

Many of us actually had PTSD following what our beloved spouses did to us. Do you know what one of the best treatments for PTSD is? It's to go over the event, and over it and over it and over it, so many times that it loses its power to shock and wound. Then, finally, healing can begin. Healing from the damage YOU caused.

And yet you liken her to an alcoholic in a bar.



************************

GOOD JOB listening to the radio show and taking notes. I do feel like you're making progress in understanding. The effort you make now will only benefit your future, whatever it holds. I realize it's only been the first couple days, but that's a start. Keep it up!

Several religious orders take vows of silence.
To learn not to receive words of affirmation from others. Only focus on communion with God.

Are you taking care of yourself?
Eating healthy, exercise and showing up for work on time?

HDW,

I'm trying. I have been having a lot of issues with my ulcers. I did go to the doctor on Thursday and she gave me two prescriptions and I have to go to a specialist next week. Also I have to go for blood work. I have been eating probably twice a day. probably about a third of what I usually do. I bushfire an started to work out the last couple of days so I'm trying to at least have my 200 grams of protein a day. My biggest issue Is sleep most nights I get 2-3 hours of sleep a night. I will fall a sleep about 1-2 in the morning. then sleep for an jour and a half then wakeup and think about my RQ for an hour to two. Then I will fall asleep for another hour or two.


KISS

Then you need to talk to your doctor about lack of sleep and take an OTC sleep aid until your appointment (obviously follow label instructions).

Sleep is a third of our life. You will fall apart without sleep. You are in this situation. It doesn't matter how you got here or what happened in the past so much as how you respond to the daily challenges NOW.

Would this be inline with "i have been sticking with my low calorie diet all week, with exception of my daily banana splits"

Logans_run

I worded that wrong. I didn't want it to sound like I didn't think it was a big deal. I did not mean it that way. I meant it more in frustration that I did it. I know that its a big deal and a red flag to RQ. I know it was damaging.

KISS

Kiss

You are attempting to work over fellow board members and attempting to gaslight everyone with the whoa is me and the "I miss my Chalupee" and "see.....look at me....i am working very very hard" in your hope we somehow be able to contact RQ and tell her you are making the right steps for recovery.

You are full of Oscar Mayer BOLOGNA.

I hope this isn't the case KISS. No one can contact your wife. This is an anonymous forum. Besides it appears she quit posting on her thread.

If you want to self improve that's what you need to focus on. And it has to be for your own self, to better yourself. To be a better man. That will produce changes that will benefit your wife and children.

You need to start with baby steps.
Are you working today?
If not go for a long walk. Find a nearby trail at a park and walk. This gives you exercise and time to think. Don't bring your phone.

This evening commit to reading a Chapter out of the Bible. I suggest you start with the Gospel of John. Take an over the counter sleeping pill per the label instructions. Don't drink caffein past 12 pm.

Tomorrow morning, if you are not Working: GO TO CHURCH. Go early for the Sunday School.

Can you commit to this?

Exactly. The MB kool-aid did not give me telepathic powers.

kiss,

Have you read these?
Good morning to all....(WS to other WS)
Joseph's Letter
It was an ordinary day here

I hope you can see what a true repentant wayward is like.

All the talk about kool aid.
My uncle was involved in the after effects.
He was in black beret and they were sent down to SA to tag and bag the bodies after they drank the kool aid. He said the climate was terrible. They were all bloated and it was a horrible time.

I don't know what KISS intentions are. But that kool aid event was by a cult leader. He wined and dined Carter's wife. She thought he was great LOL.