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I am in awe of how far my FWW has come in our MR. Gave her testimony before the entire church this weekend and my jaw hit the floor.She pulled no punches and exposed her self to a whole new set of people. Granted they are all pulling for her and us but still took a lot of moxie to have that many people see you at your worst.
Her remorse is so deep and genuine that I feel as though she will stop at nothing to R our M.
We corrected most of the miss steps we took early in R and have gotten back to true MB R plan.
I will never be able to have an ordinary marriage again nor would I want one.
I also never thought that I would be able to look at her again as I do now 14 months after D-Day.
More in love with her now than ever before.
We have POJA'd our RC and have moved on to other areas where we sill have to improve. We are about to go through 5 steps for romantic love. Can't wait to dive into that one with her. That's awesome!!!!!
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I am in awe of how far my FWW has come in our MR. Gave her testimony before the entire church this weekend and my jaw hit the floor.She pulled no punches and exposed her self to a whole new set of people. Granted they are all pulling for her and us but still took a lot of moxie to have that many people see you at your worst.
Her remorse is so deep and genuine that I feel as though she will stop at nothing to R our M.
We corrected most of the miss steps we took early in R and have gotten back to true MB R plan.
I will never be able to have an ordinary marriage again nor would I want one.
I also never thought that I would be able to look at her again as I do now 14 months after D-Day.
More in love with her now than ever before.
We have POJA'd our RC and have moved on to other areas where we sill have to improve. We are about to go through 5 steps for romantic love. Can't wait to dive into that one with her. That's awesome!!!!! 
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thank you guys for all of your help getting me here! I had forgotten how much fun it is to date my W! We sat out last night by our fire pit and watched for shooting stars holding hands and talking. These are the kinds of things we used to do 30 years ago and slowly over time stopped. For some unknown reason we forgot how to do them with each other. It is the end of October and I have not watched a single football game! I would rather sit and talk to my Bride, (about deer hunting of course!  ) She spoke about my reaction to her when I found out (plan A) and how I have made her fall in love with me again. ( meeting her EN) I have said it before but to me it is worth repeating, God lead me to find MB. If I had not discovered MB before I discovered her A this big ol' Georgia redneck probably would have gotten into a lot of trouble. I was reading another thread this week end and heard mentioned the "infidelity diet" Oh man, I lost 80 pounds over the last 14 months! I have people come up to me and ask what's your secret I want to get on it. I just tell them no you don't it's called the Psalms 102 diet! Again I can't thank you guys here enough for all the great advice.
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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Thank you guys for all of your help getting me here! I had forgotten how much fun it is to date my W! We sat out last night by our fire pit and watched for shooting stars holding hands and talking. These are the kinds of things we used to do 30 years ago and slowly over time stopped. For some unknown reason we forgot how to do them with each other. It is the end of October and I have not watched a single football game! I would rather sit and talk to my Bride, (about deer hunting of course! ) She spoke about my reaction to her when I found out (plan A) and how I have made her fall in love with me again. ( meeting her EN) I have said it before but to me it is worth repeating, God lead me to find MB. If I had not discovered MB before I discovered her A this big ol' Georgia redneck probably would have gotten into a lot of trouble. I was reading another thread this week end and heard mentioned the "infidelity diet" Oh man, I lost 80 pounds over the last 14 months! I have people come up to me and ask what's your secret I want to get on it. I just tell them no you don't it's called the Psalms 102 diet! Again I can't thank you guys here enough for all the great advice. This post makes me smile. A LOT!  Maybe you should get your watch interested in football. I LOVE football!!!! I'm part girlie girl and part tomboy, I think. LOL You just have to find a way to get her emotionally vested in a team! lol
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Sunny She loves football also we just love different teams! I guess we will watch one for sure. Her team is playing my team. This might not be such a good idea for a couple in MR 
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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You could always arrange favoured UA time activities according to who wins!
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Karmasrose Great Idea! W did not like my offer though. I said if my team wins she wears ONLY my team's jersey that night. She asked what if her team wins? I said you can wear ONLY your team.s jersey! Sounds like a win win to me!
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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Strip football. When her team makes a point you must remove an article of clothing, when you team makes a point she must remove an article of clothing. How about POJAing that?
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My buddy and his wife recently got into MarriageBuilders. She hated that he played Airsoft on Saturdays; when asked, she said it was because he wasn't home to clean to be ready for Sunday. So they agreed he wouldn't Airsoft on Saturdays until they brainstormed a solution.
After a lot of back-and forth and ideas thrown around, they ended up with the idea that they would clean together on Thursday nights (Fridays are date night) for 2-3 hours. But he wasn't entirely enthusiastic about it. The final brainstorm was that he was extremely enthusiastic about cleaning together on Thursday nights as long as she was topless! And he goes to Airsoft games on Saturdays.
Last edited by Doormat_No_More; 10/24/12 11:14 AM.
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Woohoo! I like POJA/negotiation stories like that!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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FWW took off for several days and we have been inseparable, except when in her deer stand. All was great until in passing FWW tells me one of her hunting forum buddies sent her a message.
I did know she was still on this site posting but didn't know she was sending and receiving private messages.
I must have had that you just stabbed me look because she started telling me that her pass words are the same as her other accounts.
I told her I'm not OK with this and she knows she HAS to take EP's and sending private messages to OS friends is one of them.
I also told her I am not comfortable with her sending messages to OS friends.
I have been all over the site and truly believe it was just an innocent slip on her part and one I missed when this all began.
All of the great progress we have made up to now and yet I must not have gotten it across to her that this is a problem for me.
I can't get her to post here but she will spend time on that site chatting up some guy about hunting! Is it January yet?
We have to set down again and go over this before I lose my mind.
We POJA'ed the RC I guess we also have to do the same with FWW sending messages to OS RC friends on-line too. I don't know how this is going to turn out since FWW has no female RC friends.
Am I over reacting?
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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I don't think so. Just this little slip can turn into something much more. She has to be the one that make sure she sticks with the EP's - all of them. If you let her think this little slip is ok, what it to make her think others aren't?
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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FWW took off for several days and we have been inseparable, except when in her deer stand. All was great until in passing FWW tells me one of her hunting forum buddies sent her a message.
I did know she was still on this site posting but didn't know she was sending and receiving private messages.
I must have had that you just stabbed me look because she started telling me that her pass words are the same as her other accounts.
I told her I'm not OK with this and she knows she HAS to take EP's and sending private messages to OS friends is one of them.
I also told her I am not comfortable with her sending messages to OS friends.
I have been all over the site and truly believe it was just an innocent slip on her part and one I missed when this all began.
All of the great progress we have made up to now and yet I must not have gotten it across to her that this is a problem for me.
I can't get her to post here but she will spend time on that site chatting up some guy about hunting! Is it January yet?
We have to set down again and go over this before I lose my mind.
We POJA'ed the RC I guess we also have to do the same with FWW sending messages to OS RC friends on-line too. I don't know how this is going to turn out since FWW has no female RC friends.
Am I over reacting? No you aren't. What did she say when you told her you didn't like it? Why is she on social networks? Was this not one of her EPs? What were your condition if she was to break an EP?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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We POJA'ed the RC I guess we also have to do the same with FWW sending messages to OS RC friends on-line too. I don't know what you mean by "POJA FWW sending messages to OS RC friends on-line." You are not enthusiastic about it, so she won't do it any more, right? If the answer to that question is not "right," then she's not following POJA, and you can't "POJA" anything.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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BH
She seemed up set with her self and said she didn't think about it when she did it. I have all of her pass words but did not know about this site. She and I agreed we would have access to each others social networks. It was more of her excited about her hobby and not thinking.
It was more of a congratulation to this guy but we are going to have to discuss this more.
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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markos
You're right.
I don't think I will ever be OK with that anymore. I was just taken off guard when she told me about it. She and I had discussed that this type of behavior was not mainlining safe boundaries.
She does not see this as being the same as the other sites.
I do and I guess I was just being sarcastic when I said POJA her talking to OS RC.
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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Littlebit3
You are so right. Something MUCH MORE almost always starts out small and friendly.
I could tell by her reaction she did not think that it crossed the line. I did not mind her reading and posting it was the private message she sent that is the problem.
I got lulled into complacency by how good we were doing and let my guard down.
We are going to go back over EP's and adjust. I won't be so careless again, the old familiar pain in my gut reminds me to be diligent. Communicate but verify!
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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Littlebit3
You are so right. Something MUCH MORE almost always starts out small and friendly.
I could tell by her reaction she did not think that it crossed the line. I did not mind her reading and posting it was the private message she sent that is the problem.
I got lulled into complacency by how good we were doing and let my guard down.
We are going to go back over EP's and adjust. I won't be so careless again, the old familiar pain in my gut reminds me to be diligent. Communicate but verify! You're doing great, WLE! So glad you didn't just brush this off and that your wife sees the need for EPs. I don't think FWS's understand how something so small can trigger such BIG negative emotions for us FBSs...but they certainly do. It's one of those things where old habits are easy to repeat if you aren't on your guard. Thankfully you were...and she is replacing those old habits with new ones.
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SD
thank you. I am still amazed how quickly the pain can come back and how shallow it lays.I will have all of my kids here including the grand kids this afternoon for my youngest DD's birthday.
It will be tonight before we can discuss it anymore.
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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