Of COURSE he can!!! The only question is...will he?

I'm trying im trying to think about everything I do and how would it effect RQ. Every dession that I make I try to think what would RQ do or what would she think. Is their anything in this decision that could positively or negatively effect my wife?

WWRQD!

KISS

Did you sleep last night?
Are you exercising today?
Are you going to a bible study Wednesday night?

HDW

I did sleep last night. it was probably in hour or two increments. I got to hold my son as we slept on my buddies couch. My daughter was their also.

Worked out yesterday. I haven't yet today as I had my kids and I had to drop them off and come to work 1 pm till midnight. I am going to go to the gym after work toning. Tomorrow I don't work till 5 PM till 4 am.


KISS

I haven't looked for a bible study yet. I work nights all week.

I didn't listen to 11/5 radio broadcast till this morning. some of tha points that I took away from it was that the betrade spouse never forgives the cheating spouse. The betrayed spouse must get to the point of letting go and putting the affair in the past.

He also spoke about an affair is just like alcohol addiction . You need to get rid of the source of the addiction (the affair partner) and you need accountibility.

Miranda's call talked about her husband not meeting her needs. She has asked but nothing has changed. Dr. Harley spoke about motivation. He said that people are motivated in two ways: #1 prime motivator is liking what you are supposed to do #2 enjoy doing the things you are supposed to do. He said sometimes you have to motivate your spouse. If you do "X" for me I will do "X" for you.

The wounded spouse can never just close the door on his or her spouses affair and move on or the affair will happen again.

also Dr. Harley said the #1 thing to teach your kids is thoughtfullness. have your kids think would I want my brother or sister to due this to me?

KISS

My question was on the radio broadcast today. I didn't make it on the radio but the read and answered my question. Dr. Harley said that I did the right thing to come forward with the truth. He said it was a little late but Its a good thing that I did it. He also said i disreguarded RQ and my kids feelings. He also said I need to give RQ the option of either divorce or stay with me and I will work the MB program. I will provide just compansation by being transparent, take Extrodinary precautions,meet all of her EN's enthusiastically,and I will be a willing partner.

This is good because it is exactly what I expected him to say.

KISS

Brainhurts,

Is their anyway that you can post the radio clip from todays radio broadcast on my thread. My name I used was Jay and I mentioned in my email about my affair ended in march and we have been working on it ever since. I also spoke about the order of protection that RQ served me with.

THANKS,
KISS

Did you sleep?
Are you going to exercise before work?
Are you eating healthy?

HDW,

I slept about 5 1/2 hours
I went and worked out after work. I left the gym at about 2 am. I am eating healthy I ate oatmeal, rice cakes turkey sandwichs, granola bars and my protien shakes yesterday.

I'm feeling a lot better over the past couple of days. Sore from working out so hard but good. Even mentally I feel a lot stronger. I rally feel like I have learned a lot. I have really noticed that all the things I feel I was doing right was good but my puzzle was missing a lot of pieces.

KISS

That's good. Sore muscles feel good and they are good!

Did you check out the Kung Fu tv series? It really helped me be more thoughtful about all of my actions

The gym is a terrible idea for you, kiss.

Why?

A gym is a breeding ground for affairs

Okay i understand.
I think there are differences though. I used to be an amateur bodybuilder and now focus exclusively on running.
However there are two types of gyms. The kind that smell of sweat and grunts from men pushing weights ....,and the kind that offer child care and have aerobic and "tae bo " lessons.

The real bodybuilders like the first type and don't go to the second type because there is no time for BS in a gym. I consider them "Rocky" gyms.

What type is it kiss?

I'm really glad you're starting to glimpse the missing pieces. Your missing pieces were so crucial that, without them on the board, the pieces you did have hardly mattered.

If you had a puzzle of a zebra, threw out all the black and white pieces (because they looked kinda hard to put together) and kept the rest, what do you suppose your finished product would look like? Pretty zebra-less.

It's so good to see you on here each day. Even if your motives are flawed, that's ok. By doing the right actions, day in and day out, you will change. By making learning and healing a priority, you will become better and better. For your own sake and your children's sake, never never never go back to where you were. Keep heading forward. Even if it's slow, keep going the right direction. You will not regret it.

I think the only thing we need to know is if there are any women at the gym, period.

In regards to the GYM and his recent posts...I guess the only question we should be asking Kiss and the only question he should be asking himself is "What would RQ think?"

What would RQ think about what? Working out at a gym with women? Working out in general? Kiss has already demonstrated weak boundaries with women. He needs to avoid situations where his boundaries can be lowered again, and clearly staying away from places where women are lifting weights next to him is one way to do so.

I see the point you are trying to make...

But even if RQ was OK with the gym, he shouldn't be doing it because it is not a good idea for a married person even if they haven't had an affair -- forget a WS who is separated.

KISS, this is why it is a great idea to read through the different threads here and listen to the radio show. I have read about countless affairs starting in the gym here on SAA -- and Dr Harley has addressed issues similar to it...like married people hanging out in bars, etc

I disagree with the statement that a gym is a bad idea even If someone has never had an affair?
Curves is for women only. Is that a bad idea?
How does that differ from a gym where men go to work out?

I can see a problem with a "fancy" gym but a real gym? I've been in gyms my whole life and rarely see women in there. They don't like all the mirrors.