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Do I figure out how to change the lock on the front door so he can't get in again? Do I change account passwords and access to financial accounts? Just trying to figure out what to do next. So are you going into Plan B? Yes protect yourself financially.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thank you BrainHurts. I was questioning how far to go right now... so went and changed the locks before I came to work and will be contacting an attorney today. Next, figure out the bank accounts. We have everything connected financially and he has power of attorney over all of my accounts (retirement, pension, etc), so need to figure all that out.
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I did talk to OW mom last night. She was incredibly supportive of what I am doing and cannot believe it is her daughter doing all of this and so sorry that I am going through this. She actually had gone through a similar situation. Interesting that both OW mom and WH mom both went through affairs where their husband's cheated. I let OWH know that my WH has left. He doesn't want WH around his daughter.
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Thank you BrainHurts. I was questioning how far to go right now... so went and changed the locks before I came to work and will be contacting an attorney today. Next, figure out the bank accounts. We have everything connected financially and he has power of attorney over all of my accounts (retirement, pension, etc), so need to figure all that out. Before you start changing locks you should have spoken to an attorney. Hopefully he won't drain all of your bank accounts when he finds the door locked. If you don't have a restraining order he can simply call the police and they will order you to open the door. At this point you need to see an attorney NOW. TODAY.
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If you have any joint accounts call the bank and ask them to FREEZE the account.
An attorney can file for a restraining order which will freeze bank and retirement accounts but that may take a week or more. So please call an attorney today
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So, should I change the lock back over lunch?
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At least until I get legal advice?
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Changing the locks is a good thing! Well done!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Yes, your WH can get a locksmith to open the door, but rarely do they push the issue....
It's perfectly legal to change the locks on YOUR home as often as you want!
Most waywards are cowards and don't want to look any worse than they already do.
Please remember, an attorney will ONLY advise you to follow legal channels, they will NOT advise you on how to save your marriage.
I would head to the bank as soon as you can and open your own account and transfer what you need to maintain your household.
Last edited by HerPapaBear; 11/05/12 03:04 PM.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Here is a PlanB link I'd recommend that you read Pepperbands PlanB advice
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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So, should I change the lock back over lunch? **EDIT** You need to see an attorney ASAP. This needs to be done without your husbands knowledge
Last edited by CicadaMB; 11/05/12 04:45 PM.
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In addition to this, here is another thread also. How to Plan B Correctly
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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As soon as your husband catches wind of a divorce it's a race to the bank and assets. This has to be planned carefully with a attorney.
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Well, the exposure must of been a success... when I got home last night, he was gone. And didn't come home. Text him this morning to see if he wanted to go to church with me and didn't hear back. Unplugged the garage door and changed the code on the front door. When I got home from church, he had been here (he must have a key) and taken his stuff. He sent me a text letting me know where my computer was and said he was very mad when he put it there. I have not responded nor plan on it. I'm 99% sure he is staying with OW. Hasn't he moved out? If so, that is not his home any more. By taking his stuff, hasn't he indicated that he no longer lives there? As Papa Bear says, you can change the locks on your own front door as often as you like. You do not need a lawyer's permission to change your own locks. Now that he has moved out, that is not his home and you do not have to let him enter it any more. Let him call the police to be readmitted to your home if he dares.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I contacted a lawyer, the person I want to work with was out today, so will meet with them tomorrow. Called the company our financial accouts are set-up with. Mentioned we are separated and since they know that info, they have to freeze all accounts. There's a couple I have power of attorney over that are really not mine, but they said they had to freeze them all. So, that's done. When do I mention this to WH? The one account is a business account that he does trading in. I had to protect myself, this was the only way. Do I mention the locks have been changed? He has a lot of work stuff still at the house... do I pack a bunch up and tell him when to come get it? I have my Plan B letter started and will send soon. Are all the "details" (accounts, belongings) included in the letter or later?
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 11/07/12 06:38 PM. Reason: TOS giving legal advice
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And don't say anything to husband.
Act as though everything is normal.
Let the sheriff and attorney speak for you.
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Do I send plan B letter? No mention of finances and house stuff.
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 11/07/12 06:39 PM. Reason: TOS giving legal advice
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I would hold off until you see the attorney.
Because you don't want him running to the bank or Doing anything destructive.
You need legal protection. Like spousal support and child support, if applicable. Great idea, and while your waiting to see the lawyer, he 'll be cleaning out the accounts. Like a wayward is going to do the right thing. Jean protect yourself, get what money you need.
"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you"
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