I tried everything I could. I read everything. I even got him to take the emotional needs survey. He said he's done and moved most of his things out last night. I tried to stop him. He wouldn't hear anything I said. Even the kids tried. He is determined.
For the past month he has been trying to get me to just give up and sign a simple dissolution. I refused. Said I wasn't giving up on us.
He went to stay with his parents last week, so he could think. He had no intentions of coming back.
He has been having a long distance EA and when I finally contacted her through email, that was the straw that broke the camels back. He said I had violated his trust and he was going to find a lawyer and get this over with. He has emphatically denied ever doing anything inappropriate with her, even though he admitted than she wants more. He drove 9 hours to see her this past weekend. Swears he didn't go just to see her. There were other friends he wanted to meet. And, also swears nothing happened between them. I know that something happened in his heart. Why else would he have been so mad that I contacted her? I wasn't mean or anything.
He is in the middle of a MLC. Regrets his life and wants to start over.
He's coming over tonight to talk about the bills.
I don't know what to do.


Married 17 years.
3 kids.

Welcome to MB.

I would notify the mods and have this moved to SAA.

I would expose his affair and fight for your marriage.
Please read this.
Exposure 101

I have read the exposure. All relevant people know.

Hi Izzymom welcome to MB, I am sorry for the pain that brings you here.

I know it is painful and he may appear to have the signs of MLC as all the resources indicate, but the reason for his behaviour is the A. Wayward spouses rewrite the history of their marriage and denigrate their BS in an attempt to justify their A. They need to find excuses and reasons for their "entitlement". WS are usually angry with their BS and often say or do things to provoke the BS into reacting so they can portray the BS as the bad guy. A WS is just like any substance addict they willingly sacrifice anything of importance - marriage, family, financial security, career, religion for the AP and to maintain their fantasy.

Even WS who were honest, good people pre A become masters of deception and gaslighting.

Listen to the advice given, read other threads and articles on MB this will help you understand and provide you with a plan of personal recovery and a chance of marital recovery.

Call an attorney first thing ltomorrow morning

Is OW married?

Thread to Help Newly Betrayed Spouses

IM, I'm so sorry you have to be here, but you've come to the right place. He's not going to be receptive to an EN's survey.
Understand that your H is up to his eyeballs in an affair (and it is physical, don't believe otherwise). He is addicted to the OW. He's not going to be able to see straight right now. YOU violated HIS trust?? That's a good one. Ignore this. That's Fogbabble.

Uh-huh. They just kissed like kin, right? In between talking about the weather? No, he's in the middle of an affair. Affairs have no age limits. We've had them from twenty-somethings and up, here. I hope I caught you in time. Look good, smell good, DON'T GROVEL OR CRY. Be very loving as a wife should, but let him know that you will not participate in a marriage with three people.

There is no such thing as a mid life crisis.
Just focus on yourself and the kids.
See an attorney right away to ensure that you have protection.

Who are "the relevant people", izzys?

Do your children know? Do his parents know? Her spouse or boyfriend? What EXACTLY have you told your children? Were you open about the fact that their father has left you because he is seeing another woman, or did you say something non-specific about the two of you having "problems" and needing to "work things out"?

Also, please tell us about the long-distance EA. Did they meet online? Under what circumstances did they meet - is she an ex-girlfriend, for example? If not what do you know about her - is she married? Does she have kids? How old is she? As far as you know is she keen to get together with him? Is she leaving a spouse to do this?

How did you discover the affair? Have you managed to read any of their emails or chats?