Oh, I forgot to add, I really hope that she has stopped texting this other guy. Just FYI tho, my H has his OW buy him a secret cell phone. So many other waywards have them as well. This may not be the case with you, but usually, if they are still distant, acting the same way, then they are still in the fantasy fog. Otherwise, she would have every reason to try to make it work with you b/c she wouldn't have anyone else.

Hmmm I don't think that's the case since her and her mom came back from their get away weekend she has been different. She has texted more her texting first and texting about off the wall stuff like it used to be, she's pretty much her old self again since coming back. With the exception shes still getting her own place next weekend. Again that's just her needed to be away. Btw I meant to say she gets really really stressed at times and has high amounts of anxiety which is another reason I'm giving her space. But she isn't this conniving secretive person that it sounds like even with the doubts I may have she isn't that way. Her main things is the two years of hurt weighing on her and she can't seem to let it go and forgive. Therefore thinking its all going back to the way it was and she's scared to put herself back into it and get hurt all over again. Thanks again littlebit for your sincere replies.

No we are not preceding with divorce. You don't need to be divorced to apply for assistance it's based off of your household income and it's just me in thR house.

I know in the early days I got offended by those who I disagreed with... this was usually because something in those posts rang true. So please consider what others are posting to you.

TX, so far what you have posted about your W hits every red flag for a wayward.

And if you think the above post somehow shows she is not wayward... well, my WH showed me his phone that had no affair texts / calls (and I later got evidence from OW that he was calling / texting during that period so undoubtedly from another phone). My WH cried so many tears, sobbed for what "we" were losing because of my "shutting him out", and I hugged and consoled him during all of it. Sure, I may not have been perfect, but I can now see beyond what WH said. Blameshifting and conning sympathy from those they deceive is what waywards do. My WH was no different, despite how initially I wanted so hard to believe him.

I hope we are not right about your W. But if we are... and you discover this later and realise you were fighting the wrong battle, because whilst you intended to show WW what she was missing, all the while she was lining up your replacement? What then?

Make sure you are right. Proove us wrong. Snoop. Half the battle is knowing what you are actually up against. Because then you can make informed decisions.

I agree caracal. But if someone doesn't want to be with you can't make them right? All I can do now is hope for the best. My hands are literally tied behind me back. I've done and am doing all I can do to better myself for me and the kids and maybe she real come to realization. If not? Well I'll have to be ok if that knowing I've done my part. I just get offended when others have said be a man stand up to her blah blah yet I know my wife and pushing pushing isn't the way. Even before all this happened pushing was never the way but respecting her feelings is/was. And I get offended when others talk about the kids that we are teaching them a bad lesson. The kids are taken very care of we all have family day just me wife and kids and go to the park,zoo,skating etc so as far as the kids go we have made it our number one priority to be there for them together. They are the glue that holds us. And I know with 100% certainty she never has had an affair. I know the phone records and all her passwords to Facebook email and have snoop and that almost cost me a divorce lol so I know she isn't doing anything. She just isn't that type of person.

Well, there are certain, unwavering steps you would take if you were using Marriage Builders to try to recover a marriage.

You are on this site but not quite with the program here.

You can do whatever you wish from moment to moment to deal with your wife but if you post on this site and don't follow the plan here, expect that you will be finding many replies to your posts that will challenge your approach/thinking.

For instance, I will tell you that, most likely, your wife has taken her infedelity (which is probably way more intense than you have any inkling of) WAY deeper since you are kind of on to her.

I am a single father.
Regarding assistance you can apply.
If you are going to be separated then you should at least file for separation.

Who is the guy she is texting or dating? Does he have a criminal record?
My wife did the same thing and it turned out the guy she was seeing was a child abuser. Think about that. Will your kids be safe?

My wife told me the very same thing. I enabled her behavior by actually paying for a place to live for a week. Then she returned. Looking back at the early days of my wife's affair (I chose to believe she wasn't having an affair) I should have stood strong against this when she first proposed "time alone to figure out where she is".

Please think about your children. I understand you want to be dating all these hot women. But that is wrong.

When Eve first ate of the forbidden fruit, she fell
Into sin and then persuaded Adam to do the same
"the fruit tastes good" "we can date other people and have fun" "every marriage is unique. There are no rules"

If you find yourself feeling negatively or angry with something here, REALLY think about it. It happens a lot here. Then, usually, they come to realize the truth in it.

There is so much you can do to improve yourself and the kind of husband you can be, that it would take years, so just keep plugging away.

I can't remember, have you read Love Busters? Have you looked at the emotional needs questionaire and taken one for yourself? Also, when reading those questions, please be completely honest with yourself as to whether or not you "think" you met all of those for your wife correctly. That was an eye-opener for me. I didn't realize certain things I was doing were love busters. I also realized that I justified certain of my actions and responses, because, well, he deserved it!! No, he didn't. He may have done a million things wrong, but I still have to treat him with love, dignity and respect. So, my angry outbursts at his cheating and deceipt, were not justified and didn't help with love bank deposits!!!! So, accepting my failures and mistakes has been really humbling. Now, I am actually grateful for having been knocked over by how many mistakes I truly was making, because I can change those and be a better woman/spouse/mother/person!!!

Ok I really appreciate y'alls advice. Yes in tx y'all is a word hahha. Let's forget about the texts to the other guy. She isn't texting anyone but family and employees. I'm positive of this. And I've done my investigating and there's nothing that has happened except that incident during this whole situation. As far as the dating thing I think that was just our emotions talkin and not our hearts. Which for me it was my emotions. I don't plan on seeing anyone else and honestly her body language and actions with me don't say that either. Btw we just had dinner tonight with each other. I made sure it was casual conversation and nothing about us or the situation. She said she enjoyed dinner and the conversation. Sunday we are taking the kids to the movies. So let's drop the affair dating thing.

Now where do I start reading? I don't want anything that tells me to be overbearing and call/text her every minute. She said so herself that we are friend we are starting over with a new slate. So yes I am opened to help and whatever this site has to offer as long as its not push push push. I know for a fact she doesn't want that. I texted her today and she responded hastily and straight to the point I asked of she was ok and no answer I asked what's wrong she said Stop! Nothing is wrong! Stop pushing if I'm ok. So I know exactly where she stands what her feelings are towards me and how it all came to this. I have to go at her assertive but yet delicate how do I do that? Is there a plan for that?

HDW, did you fall in the need assistance yet make to much to qualify? That's where I am. I don't need food stamps or anything mainly just after school care and help with utilities would be nice since Im keeping the family home. Which is 2300 sq ft so the utilities are little higher than an 1000 sq ft apartment I could be in but this is my home with or without her.

You cannot tiptoe around this issue. You cannot just STOP being nice if she doesn't like it. There's a lot of things in MB that wayward wives don't like.

For after school care, have you applied?
Utilities in Ohio I haven't even looked into. I'm actually in foreclosure right now and I just pay the untility bills since I dont pay my mortgage.

I use the YmCA after school program. They are a great organization and usually offer their own assistance program you can apply for.
Also reach out to a church. Try to attend one. You meet a good social network of parents. I found a lady that babysits for $15 a day at church and she is awesome.

Hope is not a plan Txf. If you really want a shot at recovering your marriage, and raising your kids yourself rather then having them raised by another man (and that is the reality you face if you D)... I suggest you give up on "hope" and follow MB plans.

MB plans are not about pushing or disrespecting a spouse. I would suggest you keep reading here to fully understand MB concepts.