But it doesn't count because you are not in a position to cut off contact with him. If he is in your house then you aren't in Plan B. Plan B means a completely dark separation. So you have to get separated FIRST and then you will be in a position to go dark.

I am sorry no one helped you with this. Unfortunately, I can't get to every thread.

A reminder to posters that the purpose of this forum is to help posters implement Marriage Builders concepts! It is not to play armchair attorney. If you want to suggest that a poster contact an attorney, that is fine. Do it once and don't make endless posts with that suggestion at the expense of helping posters with Marriage Builders.

Please help this poster with Marriage Builders. If you can't do that, then refrain from posting.

So do you have all your PLan B tightened up?

You changed the locks, correct?
Have an IM?
Gave him the Plan B letter?
Finances? Did you take care of those?

Curve ball... Intereviewed a couple weeks ago for a job within my company, involves relocating. It's a good opportunity career wise, plus we'd be closer to all family and friends. WH and I have both wanted to move for a while to get closer to everyone. Especially with the affair, get out of town and start fresh. ( I know that is not going to fix us) Just got an offer for this position and they want me to start beginning of December. Full relocation package. Now what? Before I went into the interview, I prayed and left in God's hands. I'll be praying more for His guidance on this. I am leaning towards accepting it. Either way, I'd be closer to my parents and sister, so that makes it worth it there. But, I feel like so many people here are surrounding me with their love and support now, be kind of hard to leave that.

If I accept the offer, how do I go about the separation/Plan B? Especially since there's the relocation part. I have until Monday to let my company know either say.

Thoughts?

It sounds like a good move for you.

Are you saying have WH move with you?

It's a good idea to move away from where the affair happened anyway. If at some point he can join you for recovery, that would be good.

Clarify for me, does the OW live near you now? Would this move take you farther away from the OW?

Yes, the OW lives in the same town now. The move would take us 4 hours away. My inital thought would be that we would sell the house (relocation package would take care of all that) and then possibly just get different apartments in the new town or something along those lines? I feel like I need to talk to him about this.

Jean, you can't even imagine what a blessing this is. See, Dr Harley often recommends moving away from the same town as the OP. In your position, you can move to the new town, sell your home and stay in Plan B, telling your husband if he ends his affair [cuts off all contact for life] and commits to the marriage, he can move in with you in the new town. That would get him away from the OW geographically.

That is a huge relief. I didn't want this to put us further back.

My sister and parents are traveling to a nearby town this wknd. Mainly so I could get out of town and have some family time. WH has stayed at home the last two nights (in the basement). I had a co-worker from church approach me yesterday, out of the blue, and ask what he could do to help. We talked about WH and I needing space, so he found an empty house for WH to stay at. I was going to tell WH tonight that he needed to leave and go stay there.

Now with the job offer, how do I approach everything? Since I'll be with my fam tomorrow after work until Monday right before work, is it OK to talk to WH tonight? Say I got an offer, am accepting it and moving. You can move with me if ocntact is cut off for life and you commit to a recovery plan? Then do we get our own places for a while during recovery? I was thinking about telling him we needed to talk tonight and meet him somewhere for dinner? Is that OK?

Exactly! Tell him you are moving to your new city and can move with you if he agrees to end all contact for life with the OW and commit to the MB program.[including ending all opposite sex friendships] If not, then you want to separate right now. I would ask him to leave this weekend.

And even if he does not agree right now, he may later. You can give him up to 2 years and then move to divorce if he won't meet those conditions.

I would also make sure you use the Marriage Builders program of recovery. It is completely different from any other program in that it focuses on affair proofing the marriage and restoring the romantic love. There is no other program that does that.

Your job offer is a BLESSING, jean!

Do I have him leave this weekend even if I'm already going to be gone? And if he agrees to end contact and commit to MB program, do we live together when we move or separate? They want me to start beg Dec, so it's pretty quick.

I'm sure this is a dumb question, but is this the MB recovery program?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi9000_courses.html
The Marriage Builders� Online Program #3
Includes the Marriage Builders� Online Seminar,
the Marriage Builders� Home Study Courses &
the Marriage Builders� Accountability Program (1 year).

I totally agree. This job offer couldn't have came at a better time.

If he agrees to end contact and commit to the program, then you will want to start recovery NOW and stay together this weekend. Additionally, you should try and arrange it where you are not apart overnight. That means either he comes with you to your new town, or you try and delay your start date until he can come.


The online program is your fastest, most effective course. It is the most expensive but they take you through the entire MB course, which lasts a year. They assign you a coach who guides your lessons every week and you have daily contact with Dr Harley. This is what my H and I went through in 2007 and it was a very effective course.

Got it! I cannot say how thankful I am to have all of the help these last couple days!! I know it's far from over, and whatever happens, I know I could not of done this without everyone's help. So, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!

I'll update in the morning.

Good luck, my friend!!

And if he agrees to end all contact and meet your other conditions, sending this letter to that skank should be the first step. If he is serious, he will agree to do this.

here


[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

Set the bar high, Jeans. He either agrees to your terms, or you move on to a better life without him.

You do not want to get tricked into a false recovery only to find out a year down the road that they're still in contact.

Update... I text him yesterday afternoon saying that we needed to talk, let's go to a restaurant in town, what time will he be back in town? He said tonight is not going to work. I said that it is pretty important or I wouldn't of asked. Nothing. He had just left the house before I got home last night and didn't come home. While I am not positive where he went, I just naturally assume he was with OW.

I think I am going to meet my family this weekend and spend time with them. Away from all of this. I will be accepting the job on Monday, whether he knows about it or not. I would be totally shocked if he wanted to stay in this town. Every time we go away for the weekend and come back, he says how much he hates it here. Guess we'll see.

Have a feeling this is just the start to this crazy, long roller coaster ride, huh?!